Today one of my friends called into question my belief that child rapists should be put to death, on the point of my father.
My real father is a convicted child rapist and drug dealer and attempted murderer.
We were discussing his father (who is a racist and not exactly a nice person) and this is what we discussed:
Sarai says:
I can already tell that i don't like your dad
Yog says:
Welcome to the club.
Yog says:
He'll be dead in a couple of months.
Yog says:
So no worries.
Sarai says:
How can you do that?
Sarai says:
Please, tell me your secret
Sarai says:
cause I can't do it
Sarai says:
I can't be like that
Yog says:
Like what?
Sarai says:
Just "oh, he'll be dead in a few months, so it doesn't matter."
Yog says:
He will be.
Sarai says:
I know, but you say it like he is chopped liver or something
Yog says:
He's a racist, an asshole, and was a pretty piss-poor father.
Sarai says:
Yeah well we won't go into all the things my fathers are, but I still love them and for some unknown reason care about them
Yog says:
If that rapist bastard of a father you have suddenly developed cancer and had months to live, I don't think it would phase me. Sorry.
Sarai says:
I can't do it.
Sarai says:
I want my father
Sarai says:
thats the way i am
Yog says:
Very strange.
Yog says:
You talk about wanting justice for rapists but it doesn't seem to apply to your own father.
Sarai says:
No, it applies to my father as well
Sarai says:
But it doesn't mean that I would not mourn his death
Sarai says:
He would get what he deserved
Sarai says:
But i would still be sad for him
Sarai says:
My father is not above the law. I do believe in the death penalty in those cases Yog. i'm not biased that my father should live when I say that others should die
Sarai says:
he deserves the death penalty as well as anyone else who rapes a child
Now, whilst it may sound heartless for me to say that mine own kin should die, I stand firm in my belief that it is wrong to rape/molest a child or anyone else.
I do love my Father. We haven't spoken in almost 7 years, but I never stopped caring for this man who contributed the other half of my DNA. My father has done a lot of bad things. And I believe in Justice, I believe in getting Justice for those of us who survived and for those of us who didn't. So while it may sound heartless, it is how I feel and where I stand.
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Exquisite Corpses, Billie Holliday and Sleepless Nights
Once again, due to nauseousness, I haven't slept. It is 7:40am where I am. Most of my readers are probably still asleep in their beds, dreaming strange or beautiful dreams.
Because I couldn't sleep, I've been re-reading "Exquisite Corpse" by Poppy Z. Brite. I must compliment, Ms. Brite. Her descriptions of various scenes are tantilizing to my literary taste-buds, making me hungry for more of her words. This book is exquisitely disturbing, beautifully and darkly descriptive, enough to make one vomit and yet drink in the words like slow poison. In short, I adore it. I find some parts to be darkly humourous, to the point that the first time I read the book I laughed aloud, which scared my poor Fawny. She, too, read the book, though I don't think she enjoyed it quite as much as I. She didn't find anything even remotely humourous about the book, finding it to be the height and epitome of disturbing.
Let me give you the synopsis as given on the cover of the book:
"To serial slayer Andrew Compton, murder is an art, the most intimate art. After feigning his own death to escape from prison, Compton makes his way to the United States with the ambition of bringing his art to new heights. Tortured by his own perverse desires, drawn to possess and destroy young boys, Compton inadvertently joins forces with Jay Byrne, a dissolute playboy who has pushed his art to limits even Compton hadn't previously imagined. Together, Compton and Byrne set their sights on an exquisite young Vietnamese-American runaway, Tran, whom they deem to be the perfect victim."
By now, I'm sure some of you are wondering what is wrong with me. Muttering to yourselves about my disturbing taste in books. To that I grin wickedly. This book is filled with homosexuality at its finest and worst points, murder, cannibalism, drug use, HIV, etc. But it is one of the most poetic pieces of Literature I've ever been blessed to read. So far, I've only recommended it to one person, my Judy-Marie. My beloved, platonic soul-mate. Having many similar tastes I hope that she will be able to appreciate the dark and disturbing riddles of prose that Ms. Brite has presented so eloquently.
This book is not recommended for those who are avidly against homosexuality, are easily upset or have stomach issues. This book will make you vomit if you don't have a strong stomach or if your imagination is avid. Though I would only recommend this book to those of avid intelligence and imagination. If you have neither, you would not enjoy the book at all. I would also only recommend it to those with a strong sense of poetry and who are already lovers of the horrific and disturbing. For example, if your favorite stories include Edgar Allan Poe's "The Tell-Tale Heart" or "The Facts in the Case of M. Valdemar" or any other such older horror story, this book may be for you. If you are intrigued by the habits of serial killers such as Jack the Ripper, Jeffrey Dahmer or Ed Geins, this book may be for you. I would NOT recommend this book to anyone under the age of 24.
For your intellectual pleasure, a quote from "Exquisite Corpse" by Poppy Z. Brite:
"Horror is the badge of humanity, worn proudly, self-righteously, and often falsely." as said by Andrew Compton in chapter nine of said book.
The book mentions in one part a song by Billie Holliday. "Gloomy Sunday". According to a character in the book, Luke, there is a "Bit of history attached" to it. It was apparently written by a Hungarian composer who committed suicide after writing it. Its first recording inspired many suicides to the point that it was banned in Hungary. At some point it was translated and given to Billie Holliday to sing. It stemmed many more suicides to the point that it was banned again. "It was the only song that ever got banned for being too sad ... twice."
Well this put me in the mood to listen to another Billie Holliday song called "Strange Fruit". "Strange Fruit" for those who don't know, is basically a long beautiful description of lynchings of black people in the 60's. I cannot imagine a better singer for that particular song. Billie has a slightly smoky voice, one that reverberates within your soul and scratches words into your eardrums. A beautiful woman, singing beautifully haunting songs in the early starkness of this dawning day.
Now, segueing into my last topic of the day.
Yesterday was spent crying over child molesters/rapists and whether or not they should be put to death or chemically/surgically castrated. As most of you know from one of my previous blogs, I was raped and molested as a child and as a teenager. I apologize for my outspokenness on these topics, but I still feel that it is right to put someone to death who sexually harms a child in any way, shape or form. I will always feel this way, as Fawn says, I think like a survivor. As one who has survived said horrors that humanity has to offer, I am for anything that might prevent it from happening to any other children or person.
But Fawn made excellent points, all of which I had to agree with, which I didn't want to.
1. Chemical Castration doesn't always work.
2. Surgical Castration may prevent the body from being able to appease itself in said practices, but does not prevent the person from doing said behaviour ever again with other objects that could cause even worse damage. All that is accomplished is pissing off said offender so that they take it out even more violently upon their chosen victim.
3. The root cause of the problem goes all the way up to the government. And since one can't take out the government, trying to fix the smaller problems is like trying to fix a crack in a dam when the levee is broken. One must fix the levee first, before trying to fix the little crack.
4. I, Sarai, can do absolutely nothing to fix said problems. I am one person against decades of corruption. And while I hate the helpless feeling that comes with knowing said information, Fawn is right. I hate it when she is right on topics like this. It is almost enough to make one stop living, but no matter what, I refuse to sit back on my ass and watch this stuff go on. I'm going to fight, because I don't want to see more young women and men like me who are struggling to make sense of why this shit happened to them.
I can't win against the nation, like Nanahara Shuya (Battle Royale II), but I can sure as hell try. Fawn says this is stupid and she is right. But once again, I'm thinking in survivor mode. Not logic mode.
That is all for now, Ladies and Gents, my stomach is killing me and I would hate to throw up on my keyboard. That would be bad. Love to you all. Feel free to drop me a line every now and again *hint, hint* *wink, wink*. I would love to get some feedback or at least a message fighting me on my topics. IDK, maybe that is to much to ask for. *shrug*
Sarai
Because I couldn't sleep, I've been re-reading "Exquisite Corpse" by Poppy Z. Brite. I must compliment, Ms. Brite. Her descriptions of various scenes are tantilizing to my literary taste-buds, making me hungry for more of her words. This book is exquisitely disturbing, beautifully and darkly descriptive, enough to make one vomit and yet drink in the words like slow poison. In short, I adore it. I find some parts to be darkly humourous, to the point that the first time I read the book I laughed aloud, which scared my poor Fawny. She, too, read the book, though I don't think she enjoyed it quite as much as I. She didn't find anything even remotely humourous about the book, finding it to be the height and epitome of disturbing.
Let me give you the synopsis as given on the cover of the book:
"To serial slayer Andrew Compton, murder is an art, the most intimate art. After feigning his own death to escape from prison, Compton makes his way to the United States with the ambition of bringing his art to new heights. Tortured by his own perverse desires, drawn to possess and destroy young boys, Compton inadvertently joins forces with Jay Byrne, a dissolute playboy who has pushed his art to limits even Compton hadn't previously imagined. Together, Compton and Byrne set their sights on an exquisite young Vietnamese-American runaway, Tran, whom they deem to be the perfect victim."
By now, I'm sure some of you are wondering what is wrong with me. Muttering to yourselves about my disturbing taste in books. To that I grin wickedly. This book is filled with homosexuality at its finest and worst points, murder, cannibalism, drug use, HIV, etc. But it is one of the most poetic pieces of Literature I've ever been blessed to read. So far, I've only recommended it to one person, my Judy-Marie. My beloved, platonic soul-mate. Having many similar tastes I hope that she will be able to appreciate the dark and disturbing riddles of prose that Ms. Brite has presented so eloquently.
This book is not recommended for those who are avidly against homosexuality, are easily upset or have stomach issues. This book will make you vomit if you don't have a strong stomach or if your imagination is avid. Though I would only recommend this book to those of avid intelligence and imagination. If you have neither, you would not enjoy the book at all. I would also only recommend it to those with a strong sense of poetry and who are already lovers of the horrific and disturbing. For example, if your favorite stories include Edgar Allan Poe's "The Tell-Tale Heart" or "The Facts in the Case of M. Valdemar" or any other such older horror story, this book may be for you. If you are intrigued by the habits of serial killers such as Jack the Ripper, Jeffrey Dahmer or Ed Geins, this book may be for you. I would NOT recommend this book to anyone under the age of 24.
For your intellectual pleasure, a quote from "Exquisite Corpse" by Poppy Z. Brite:
"Horror is the badge of humanity, worn proudly, self-righteously, and often falsely." as said by Andrew Compton in chapter nine of said book.
The book mentions in one part a song by Billie Holliday. "Gloomy Sunday". According to a character in the book, Luke, there is a "Bit of history attached" to it. It was apparently written by a Hungarian composer who committed suicide after writing it. Its first recording inspired many suicides to the point that it was banned in Hungary. At some point it was translated and given to Billie Holliday to sing. It stemmed many more suicides to the point that it was banned again. "It was the only song that ever got banned for being too sad ... twice."
Well this put me in the mood to listen to another Billie Holliday song called "Strange Fruit". "Strange Fruit" for those who don't know, is basically a long beautiful description of lynchings of black people in the 60's. I cannot imagine a better singer for that particular song. Billie has a slightly smoky voice, one that reverberates within your soul and scratches words into your eardrums. A beautiful woman, singing beautifully haunting songs in the early starkness of this dawning day.
Now, segueing into my last topic of the day.
Yesterday was spent crying over child molesters/rapists and whether or not they should be put to death or chemically/surgically castrated. As most of you know from one of my previous blogs, I was raped and molested as a child and as a teenager. I apologize for my outspokenness on these topics, but I still feel that it is right to put someone to death who sexually harms a child in any way, shape or form. I will always feel this way, as Fawn says, I think like a survivor. As one who has survived said horrors that humanity has to offer, I am for anything that might prevent it from happening to any other children or person.
But Fawn made excellent points, all of which I had to agree with, which I didn't want to.
1. Chemical Castration doesn't always work.
2. Surgical Castration may prevent the body from being able to appease itself in said practices, but does not prevent the person from doing said behaviour ever again with other objects that could cause even worse damage. All that is accomplished is pissing off said offender so that they take it out even more violently upon their chosen victim.
3. The root cause of the problem goes all the way up to the government. And since one can't take out the government, trying to fix the smaller problems is like trying to fix a crack in a dam when the levee is broken. One must fix the levee first, before trying to fix the little crack.
4. I, Sarai, can do absolutely nothing to fix said problems. I am one person against decades of corruption. And while I hate the helpless feeling that comes with knowing said information, Fawn is right. I hate it when she is right on topics like this. It is almost enough to make one stop living, but no matter what, I refuse to sit back on my ass and watch this stuff go on. I'm going to fight, because I don't want to see more young women and men like me who are struggling to make sense of why this shit happened to them.
I can't win against the nation, like Nanahara Shuya (Battle Royale II), but I can sure as hell try. Fawn says this is stupid and she is right. But once again, I'm thinking in survivor mode. Not logic mode.
That is all for now, Ladies and Gents, my stomach is killing me and I would hate to throw up on my keyboard. That would be bad. Love to you all. Feel free to drop me a line every now and again *hint, hint* *wink, wink*. I would love to get some feedback or at least a message fighting me on my topics. IDK, maybe that is to much to ask for. *shrug*
Sarai
Thursday, June 26, 2008
A rant and a bit of an update....
I have come to the conclusion that I shall never get married. Not because I don't want to, but because it just doesn't seem plausible.
Since I was very young I've always been attracted to men much older than myself. For a while I kept myself to 15 years older than me and no older. But I've come to the conclusion that the men close enough to my age aren't mature enough to be with me, they don't have what I need in a potential partner. And the men who are mature enough are so much older than me, that either they feel uncomfortable with the age difference or I get scolded.
People, age is just a number. It means absolutely NOTHING to me. I could be happy with someone twice my age, if we got along and truly loved one another. I mean, what does age have to do with love? Gender and Race have been overcome in the areas of Love, is Age next?
Okay, as most everyone knows, I have a crush on Wentworth Miller. He is 16 years older than me. He just turned 36 and I'm getting ready to turn 20. A lot of people give me flack over that. So what?! They are numbers. I have always been older than my actual "age" and always will be. Maturity is not confined to numbers.
Its so annoying. Here I am, almost 20 years old and I'm ready to settle down. Yes I still want to go to school and I still want to travel, but whats the point of traveling when you have no one to enjoy the journey with?
A friend told me recently that it wasn't fair for an older man to ask a young woman to settle down with him. Young women aren't ready to settle down, they are still young. Thats not me. Who says that the older gentleman wants to settle down? What is the definition of "settling down"? Is it getting married, buying a house and having children?
My definition of settling down is finding the person who completes me and then adventuring with them through out this world.There is so much knowledge to be had, so many things to do, so many people to meet. Why would I have to give all that up just to be with someone!?
I don't remember where I was going with this, but I felt like I needed to say it. This rant is done... On to another. :D
As to the update, after spending almost 15 hours of throwing up, I have been able to consume some food. I have had a raging fever all day. That sucketh much.
Fawn is still not feeling well. A little bit ago her heart rate almost bottomed out. She hit 64 beats per minute. Any lower and the ambulance was going to be called. As it is we probably should've called. She is resting right now. Hopefully getting some sleep. She was in so much pain she didn't sleep at all last night. Much like me, except I was throwing up.
I don't know what it is going to happen folks. I'm supposed to be heading back to Indiana in about 2 weeks. Only for a visit. I have a godson who is due in August and I am supposed to be there for the birth. But I'm so worried about Fawn, that I almost don't want to leave her. She said she doesn't want me to leave.
Kendra, I know that if you are reading this you are freaking out, saying "But you promised!" and yes, I did promise. I intend on keeping that promise. No matter what, I will get there for the birth of Corbin. I promised and I keep my promises.
There are so many things going on right now that its really hard to explain it all here. And I know a lot of people are tired of my posting more than one blog a day. I'm sure it gets hard to keep up with my hectic life.
I just don't know what to do. I'm worried about my mom, about Fawny, about Kendra and about how the hell I'm supposed to get back to Oklahoma after all is said and done. I'm worried about Yoshiki and I'm worried about my little sister, Hannah. I'm worried because I can't find a job to save my life and I need one. I'm worried because I have to help mom move when I get back to Indiana. Not only that, but Fawn, Arlin and I are supposed to be moving into a new place next month, this place isn't working out. None of us can get a job because there is no place close by to get a job.
I'm almost thinking of moving to Oklahoma City, because there I can walk anywhere and get a job anywhere. But Fawn doesn't want me to move away from her. I tried to explain that it wouldn't be permanent, but it frightens her. We are so much closer than I thought we would ever be. I'm thankful for that, but I'm worried about what is going to happen in the months ahead.
I feel like such a failure. I can't seem to succeed at anything recently. Except making everyone around me miserable. I'm half tempted to start back up a lot of my bad habits, but I won't. Its hard not to think about my escape routes when I still haven't figured out how to handle stress. It feels like I have the entire weight of the world on my shoulders. And my shoulders aren't that strong. I can only hold so much. And its like the weight is crushing me into the ground.
So there, you all now have the updates as they stand. "If only I had wings to fly, I would fly farther than any bird has ever flown, if only to reach home again in your arms" a new quote from moi.
Since I was very young I've always been attracted to men much older than myself. For a while I kept myself to 15 years older than me and no older. But I've come to the conclusion that the men close enough to my age aren't mature enough to be with me, they don't have what I need in a potential partner. And the men who are mature enough are so much older than me, that either they feel uncomfortable with the age difference or I get scolded.
People, age is just a number. It means absolutely NOTHING to me. I could be happy with someone twice my age, if we got along and truly loved one another. I mean, what does age have to do with love? Gender and Race have been overcome in the areas of Love, is Age next?
Okay, as most everyone knows, I have a crush on Wentworth Miller. He is 16 years older than me. He just turned 36 and I'm getting ready to turn 20. A lot of people give me flack over that. So what?! They are numbers. I have always been older than my actual "age" and always will be. Maturity is not confined to numbers.
Its so annoying. Here I am, almost 20 years old and I'm ready to settle down. Yes I still want to go to school and I still want to travel, but whats the point of traveling when you have no one to enjoy the journey with?
A friend told me recently that it wasn't fair for an older man to ask a young woman to settle down with him. Young women aren't ready to settle down, they are still young. Thats not me. Who says that the older gentleman wants to settle down? What is the definition of "settling down"? Is it getting married, buying a house and having children?
My definition of settling down is finding the person who completes me and then adventuring with them through out this world.There is so much knowledge to be had, so many things to do, so many people to meet. Why would I have to give all that up just to be with someone!?
I don't remember where I was going with this, but I felt like I needed to say it. This rant is done... On to another. :D
As to the update, after spending almost 15 hours of throwing up, I have been able to consume some food. I have had a raging fever all day. That sucketh much.
Fawn is still not feeling well. A little bit ago her heart rate almost bottomed out. She hit 64 beats per minute. Any lower and the ambulance was going to be called. As it is we probably should've called. She is resting right now. Hopefully getting some sleep. She was in so much pain she didn't sleep at all last night. Much like me, except I was throwing up.
I don't know what it is going to happen folks. I'm supposed to be heading back to Indiana in about 2 weeks. Only for a visit. I have a godson who is due in August and I am supposed to be there for the birth. But I'm so worried about Fawn, that I almost don't want to leave her. She said she doesn't want me to leave.
Kendra, I know that if you are reading this you are freaking out, saying "But you promised!" and yes, I did promise. I intend on keeping that promise. No matter what, I will get there for the birth of Corbin. I promised and I keep my promises.
There are so many things going on right now that its really hard to explain it all here. And I know a lot of people are tired of my posting more than one blog a day. I'm sure it gets hard to keep up with my hectic life.
I just don't know what to do. I'm worried about my mom, about Fawny, about Kendra and about how the hell I'm supposed to get back to Oklahoma after all is said and done. I'm worried about Yoshiki and I'm worried about my little sister, Hannah. I'm worried because I can't find a job to save my life and I need one. I'm worried because I have to help mom move when I get back to Indiana. Not only that, but Fawn, Arlin and I are supposed to be moving into a new place next month, this place isn't working out. None of us can get a job because there is no place close by to get a job.
I'm almost thinking of moving to Oklahoma City, because there I can walk anywhere and get a job anywhere. But Fawn doesn't want me to move away from her. I tried to explain that it wouldn't be permanent, but it frightens her. We are so much closer than I thought we would ever be. I'm thankful for that, but I'm worried about what is going to happen in the months ahead.
I feel like such a failure. I can't seem to succeed at anything recently. Except making everyone around me miserable. I'm half tempted to start back up a lot of my bad habits, but I won't. Its hard not to think about my escape routes when I still haven't figured out how to handle stress. It feels like I have the entire weight of the world on my shoulders. And my shoulders aren't that strong. I can only hold so much. And its like the weight is crushing me into the ground.
So there, you all now have the updates as they stand. "If only I had wings to fly, I would fly farther than any bird has ever flown, if only to reach home again in your arms" a new quote from moi.
Forgot to...
Forgot to write this in my blog earlier, but yesterday (June 25th, 2008. Wednesday) the US Supreme Court ruled that execution of child rapists is "cruel and unusual punishment" and therefore is "unconstitutional".
Being someone who was, both, raped and molested as a child I am FOR the death penalty in the cases of child rapists.
It is cruel and unusual to rape a young child. To rape any child!! Therefore I see the Death Penalty as being very appropriate in this matter.
A few of my friends say that its better to let these "people" rot in jail/prison and possibly get raped themselves. Then they can understand how their victim felt. The Death Penalty is "letting them off the hook to easy".
I don't see it that way. Letting them off easy is allowing them to live semi-comfortably in jail/prison. They don't have to find jobs or worry about bills. They are fed, clothed and sheltered by OUR tax dollars!! We pay for them to Live in jail/prison. In the mean time, they get special privileges and so on, never having to take care of themselves or truly "pay" for what they've done.
Yeah, there is the possibility that they could get raped in jail/prison. But there is also the possibility that They are the ones raping.
Cruel and unusual punishment is allowing children all over America to have to endure these things and not even receive any justice.
On another note, I didn't get any sleep until shortly after 9am, where I drifted in and out of consciousness until about 12:45pm. It wasn't good sleep either. I was to nauseous for "good" sleep.
Fawn is sleeping currently. I was to out of it when she got home from the MRI to know how it went. But she is home, so she must be doing slightly better.
Being someone who was, both, raped and molested as a child I am FOR the death penalty in the cases of child rapists.
It is cruel and unusual to rape a young child. To rape any child!! Therefore I see the Death Penalty as being very appropriate in this matter.
A few of my friends say that its better to let these "people" rot in jail/prison and possibly get raped themselves. Then they can understand how their victim felt. The Death Penalty is "letting them off the hook to easy".
I don't see it that way. Letting them off easy is allowing them to live semi-comfortably in jail/prison. They don't have to find jobs or worry about bills. They are fed, clothed and sheltered by OUR tax dollars!! We pay for them to Live in jail/prison. In the mean time, they get special privileges and so on, never having to take care of themselves or truly "pay" for what they've done.
Yeah, there is the possibility that they could get raped in jail/prison. But there is also the possibility that They are the ones raping.
Cruel and unusual punishment is allowing children all over America to have to endure these things and not even receive any justice.
On another note, I didn't get any sleep until shortly after 9am, where I drifted in and out of consciousness until about 12:45pm. It wasn't good sleep either. I was to nauseous for "good" sleep.
Fawn is sleeping currently. I was to out of it when she got home from the MRI to know how it went. But she is home, so she must be doing slightly better.
Boobage Loss and other such lovely topics...
*SQUEE OF DELIGHT!!*
I know that almost NONE of you want to know what I'm about to tell you, but
I LOST A CUP SIZE!!!!! I am now a bra size smaller than when I left Indiana!!! I'M SO EXCITED!!! *SQUEE*
I'm so happy, I'm losing weight and losing bra sizes!! Those of you who have known me for a long time know that I've had a lot of struggles with my weight. And now, I'm finally losing it!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D!!!
*Dances about the room to "Pink Spider" by hide*
And that is all on that topic.
Today Fawn goes in for a full body MRI. The doctor (her personal care physician that the ER told her to see) says that he thinks she may have had a stroke and that is why her left side is completely useless. So today that will be determined by the MRI.
Not only that, but her kidneys are indeed going into Renal Failure. There is a distinct possibility that she may go into the Hospital today. We don't know for sure.
On another note, I seem to, once again, have the stomach flu. It is 7:47am and I haven't been to bed yet. I've spent the entire night throwing up my guts and uploading photos to MySpace.
That is all for today dearies, more later.
Sarai
I know that almost NONE of you want to know what I'm about to tell you, but
I LOST A CUP SIZE!!!!! I am now a bra size smaller than when I left Indiana!!! I'M SO EXCITED!!! *SQUEE*
I'm so happy, I'm losing weight and losing bra sizes!! Those of you who have known me for a long time know that I've had a lot of struggles with my weight. And now, I'm finally losing it!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D!!!
*Dances about the room to "Pink Spider" by hide*
And that is all on that topic.
Today Fawn goes in for a full body MRI. The doctor (her personal care physician that the ER told her to see) says that he thinks she may have had a stroke and that is why her left side is completely useless. So today that will be determined by the MRI.
Not only that, but her kidneys are indeed going into Renal Failure. There is a distinct possibility that she may go into the Hospital today. We don't know for sure.
On another note, I seem to, once again, have the stomach flu. It is 7:47am and I haven't been to bed yet. I've spent the entire night throwing up my guts and uploading photos to MySpace.
That is all for today dearies, more later.
Sarai
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Another dream as dreamt by Fawn... (hee hee hee)
Another dream that Fawn had that involved me and J-Rock. This one involved X-Japan and Karaoke!!!
We were in some random Karaoke Bar in Chiba Japan. (w00t!) So, its
Fawn
Yoshiki
hide
Toshi
Heath
Taiji
Pata
Me!
Apparently, Pata and I had tied the knot O.O Don't ask how that happened but it did... Anyway, he and I got up and sang "Makes me feel like a natural woman". (The awkwardness of that still hasn't worn off) Fawn says we were very affectionate with one another; holding hands, him draping his arm around my shoulders, etc...
Then she, Yoshiki and hide got up and sang "Electric Cucumber" (which is one of my favorite songs by hide!). It was really cool, I wish I could've dreamt that...*pouts* At least I'm getting some type of male attention in someone's dreams!!
We were in some random Karaoke Bar in Chiba Japan. (w00t!) So, its
Fawn
Yoshiki
hide
Toshi
Heath
Taiji
Pata
Me!
Apparently, Pata and I had tied the knot O.O Don't ask how that happened but it did... Anyway, he and I got up and sang "Makes me feel like a natural woman". (The awkwardness of that still hasn't worn off) Fawn says we were very affectionate with one another; holding hands, him draping his arm around my shoulders, etc...
Then she, Yoshiki and hide got up and sang "Electric Cucumber" (which is one of my favorite songs by hide!). It was really cool, I wish I could've dreamt that...*pouts* At least I'm getting some type of male attention in someone's dreams!!
Monday, June 23, 2008
Am Bored, Will Travel.
Okay, I'm INCREDIBLY bored. So I'm going to post some random things here. Let start with this bit of randomness:
Okay, that wasn't really that Random... I'm sure everyone was expecting a reference to Wentworth Miller at SOME point during this blog.
Sarai says:
so i might be talking to Zombie Yog?
Yog says:
Quite possibly.
Yog says:
I feel like a zombie.
Yog says:
But I dreamed about vampires ... so you never know.
Sarai says:
I'm so very sorry. Art thou hungry for brains?
Yog says:
No, and strangely not thirsty either.
Sarai says:
yep, you're undead. thus speaketh the fawn
Now for something completely different:
T: Awesome kisser
R: HOTT
E: Amazing Kisser
N: A very good Kisser
T: Awesome Kisser.
I'm noticing a trend here....
and...
F: Loves it
A: Loves 2 dance
W: Very Broad minded
N: A very good kisser
and...
S: Makes people laugh
A:Loves 2 dance
R :HOTT
A:Loves 2 dance
I:Great personality
Elsewhere in the world, people are eating pygmy pies made entirely of White dental floss!
http://rfshq.com/forum/games/virus2.swf (AWESOME GAME!! As sent to moi by the Fawn!)
and just as a final present I'm going to post some random song lyrics and a few pictures of random people that I love.
GOOD NIGHT AND GOD BLESS!!
(George Sanders)
(Hayden Christensen)
(Marilyn Monroe)
"Pink Spider 'ikitai naa'/Pink Spider 'tsubasa ga hoshii...' "
(Gackt. W/a gun no less!)
(Emmy Rossum)
(Cary Grant)
"tada samishigariya no kimi wo itsumo nikumenakute...
me wo tojireba, ima demo waratta kimi ga ite
itsuka mata kanarazu aeru to shinjiteirukara
yakusoku shita kara
BLACK STONE
BLACK STONE"
(Kai and his Mega-Watt, chase the clouds away smile! He should smile more often! Anata wo kawaii desu ne!!!)
(kai again... i think he is awfully cute!)
(okay, so i'm a little smitten. we have a few similarities...<3 )
(and for good measure, a new poem I just wrote while writing this)
Embraced
"I cried your name, but you did not answer. I wept tears for your sake,
but you didn't care. What a strange pain this is within me, one that will
not fade, but grows with each passing day. You have that affect on me,
making my heart beat weaker and weaker, 'til not a sound can be heard
from my chest. Oh well, we all have to say goodbye right? Some days
will be better than others, some moments harsher, but this will subside
into placid forever.
"You don't believe in myths, but baby I'm a myth in itself. You don't
believe in fate, then this is not meant to be. I hate your games, the way
you play with my heart like its a toy. I hate your smile, so maliciously
delicious that I want to drink of its poison by the hour. Baby, I think I
need your arms, to hold me steady. Ignore the cracks in the mask, roses
are the only facade left to this harlequin.
"Desperate times call for ridiculous measures of pure thought and pure
mind. Purity is something I don't possess much of. Just a few pieces of
fading ivory, webbed in bloody dreams. You know, your eyes are green,
greener than the fields of tall growing grass. Lush and thick, full of beauty
and lies. No way you love this all to solid flesh. Bizarre things drift on this
merciless sea of dreams, make the waves stop rocking, cause I'm getting
sick. All that will remain are the constants.
"You're leaving me here, left to my own devices. Driven to insanity by the
loss of your honeyed lips. Baby, lets forget it, spider's can't have wings
and I can't fly on the broken dreams. Take my hand, slip that band of ice
around it. We'll be frozen together and alive apart. How lovely, that we
divorce.
"Soul torn from soul, heart torn assunder from heart, one body torn into
two, once again we are alone. I don't want to die in this yellowed picture,
fading faster than the glows of those last charcoals. Whisper the lies once
again, and lets die in each other's shattered arms. Be one for one last
moment before we are no more."
Okay, that wasn't really that Random... I'm sure everyone was expecting a reference to Wentworth Miller at SOME point during this blog.
Sarai says:
so i might be talking to Zombie Yog?
Yog says:
Quite possibly.
Yog says:
I feel like a zombie.
Yog says:
But I dreamed about vampires ... so you never know.
Sarai says:
I'm so very sorry. Art thou hungry for brains?
Yog says:
No, and strangely not thirsty either.
Sarai says:
yep, you're undead. thus speaketh the fawn
Now for something completely different:
T: Awesome kisser
R: HOTT
E: Amazing Kisser
N: A very good Kisser
T: Awesome Kisser.
I'm noticing a trend here....
and...
F: Loves it
A: Loves 2 dance
W: Very Broad minded
N: A very good kisser
and...
S: Makes people laugh
A:Loves 2 dance
R :HOTT
A:Loves 2 dance
I:Great personality
Elsewhere in the world, people are eating pygmy pies made entirely of White dental floss!
http://rfshq.com/forum/games/virus2.swf (AWESOME GAME!! As sent to moi by the Fawn!)
and just as a final present I'm going to post some random song lyrics and a few pictures of random people that I love.
GOOD NIGHT AND GOD BLESS!!
(George Sanders)
(Hayden Christensen)
(Marilyn Monroe)
"Pink Spider 'ikitai naa'/Pink Spider 'tsubasa ga hoshii...' "
(Gackt. W/a gun no less!)
(Emmy Rossum)
(Cary Grant)
"tada samishigariya no kimi wo itsumo nikumenakute...
me wo tojireba, ima demo waratta kimi ga ite
itsuka mata kanarazu aeru to shinjiteirukara
yakusoku shita kara
BLACK STONE
BLACK STONE"
(Kai and his Mega-Watt, chase the clouds away smile! He should smile more often! Anata wo kawaii desu ne!!!)
(kai again... i think he is awfully cute!)
(okay, so i'm a little smitten. we have a few similarities...<3 )
(and for good measure, a new poem I just wrote while writing this)
Embraced
"I cried your name, but you did not answer. I wept tears for your sake,
but you didn't care. What a strange pain this is within me, one that will
not fade, but grows with each passing day. You have that affect on me,
making my heart beat weaker and weaker, 'til not a sound can be heard
from my chest. Oh well, we all have to say goodbye right? Some days
will be better than others, some moments harsher, but this will subside
into placid forever.
"You don't believe in myths, but baby I'm a myth in itself. You don't
believe in fate, then this is not meant to be. I hate your games, the way
you play with my heart like its a toy. I hate your smile, so maliciously
delicious that I want to drink of its poison by the hour. Baby, I think I
need your arms, to hold me steady. Ignore the cracks in the mask, roses
are the only facade left to this harlequin.
"Desperate times call for ridiculous measures of pure thought and pure
mind. Purity is something I don't possess much of. Just a few pieces of
fading ivory, webbed in bloody dreams. You know, your eyes are green,
greener than the fields of tall growing grass. Lush and thick, full of beauty
and lies. No way you love this all to solid flesh. Bizarre things drift on this
merciless sea of dreams, make the waves stop rocking, cause I'm getting
sick. All that will remain are the constants.
"You're leaving me here, left to my own devices. Driven to insanity by the
loss of your honeyed lips. Baby, lets forget it, spider's can't have wings
and I can't fly on the broken dreams. Take my hand, slip that band of ice
around it. We'll be frozen together and alive apart. How lovely, that we
divorce.
"Soul torn from soul, heart torn assunder from heart, one body torn into
two, once again we are alone. I don't want to die in this yellowed picture,
fading faster than the glows of those last charcoals. Whisper the lies once
again, and lets die in each other's shattered arms. Be one for one last
moment before we are no more."
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Trip to the ER 4
Once again, ER and nothing is done to correct the situation. Oh well. At least she is seeming to be in decent spirits.
Swelling in her legs hasn't gone down (the ER didn't give her anything for it either). She has a bladder/urinary tract infection. She always has one, so we knew that already. The doctor was a jerk.
They didn't do anything for her pain (which worsened), they Did draw blood and test for a variety of things. According to it, her kidney function is not bad. She didn't have a fever and her blood pressure wasn't bad at all. We watched "Parent Trap" and "Some Like it Hot" while waiting for them to do their stuff. They did take a cat scan of her brain to make sure that nothing was going on there.
Oh and she lost all feeling/movement in her left arm while we were there. The doctor says "It's not paralysis". Bull. Not being able to move your arm or leg on one side of your body is paralysis.
So now we wait for Tuesday to come so she can see her primary care physician and see what they can do. In the meantime, pray for my fawny. Cause, I is worried. :(
Swelling in her legs hasn't gone down (the ER didn't give her anything for it either). She has a bladder/urinary tract infection. She always has one, so we knew that already. The doctor was a jerk.
They didn't do anything for her pain (which worsened), they Did draw blood and test for a variety of things. According to it, her kidney function is not bad. She didn't have a fever and her blood pressure wasn't bad at all. We watched "Parent Trap" and "Some Like it Hot" while waiting for them to do their stuff. They did take a cat scan of her brain to make sure that nothing was going on there.
Oh and she lost all feeling/movement in her left arm while we were there. The doctor says "It's not paralysis". Bull. Not being able to move your arm or leg on one side of your body is paralysis.
So now we wait for Tuesday to come so she can see her primary care physician and see what they can do. In the meantime, pray for my fawny. Cause, I is worried. :(
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Oops... (dA)
Journal Entry: Sat Jun 21, 2008, 12:49 PM
Unfortunately I still haven't finished the pants. My other pants got really dirty and therefore I had to wear the ones i'm working on. but never fear, we are going to do stencils (in English, Katakana and Kanji) for my pants. I'm very excited!! When we get the printer to work, I'll be even happier.
So the pants will continue to be worked on. These are really just practice for future pants.
I'm off to go read and write. I need to do some pen and paper journaling, which hasn't been done in a few days. So much to write, so little time! Cheers!!
- Mood:
Passionate - Listening to: The AC
- Reading: The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne
- Drinking: Soda
Unfortunately I still haven't finished the pants. My other pants got really dirty and therefore I had to wear the ones i'm working on. but never fear, we are going to do stencils (in English, Katakana and Kanji) for my pants. I'm very excited!! When we get the printer to work, I'll be even happier.
So the pants will continue to be worked on. These are really just practice for future pants.
I'm off to go read and write. I need to do some pen and paper journaling, which hasn't been done in a few days. So much to write, so little time! Cheers!!
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Fawn's Dream
Ha, Fawn dreamt about me! And it was a GOOD dream about me, lol.
She dreamt that she was with the guys from the GazettE (L to R: Aoi, Reita, Ruki, Kai and Uruha)
all seated in a circle and talking. They were apparently in a park with a cozy campfire in the middle of the circle. Kai was on the right of Fawn, with Ruki on his right. Uruha was on the left of Fawn, with Aoi on his left. And Reita immediately in front of Fawn. (picturing a circle so that you can understand what is going on would help out tremendously)
I suddenly come up with my hands full of food and say, "Let's eat!" and Kai
jumps up and smiles really big, then comes over to me, dips me and gives me a kiss on the mouth. O.O (Fawn describes it as being very Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers)
Upon seeing said kissing, Uruha kisses Fawn. Then she woke up.
She dreamt that she was with the guys from the GazettE (L to R: Aoi, Reita, Ruki, Kai and Uruha)
all seated in a circle and talking. They were apparently in a park with a cozy campfire in the middle of the circle. Kai was on the right of Fawn, with Ruki on his right. Uruha was on the left of Fawn, with Aoi on his left. And Reita immediately in front of Fawn. (picturing a circle so that you can understand what is going on would help out tremendously)I suddenly come up with my hands full of food and say, "Let's eat!" and Kai
jumps up and smiles really big, then comes over to me, dips me and gives me a kiss on the mouth. O.O (Fawn describes it as being very Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers)Upon seeing said kissing, Uruha kisses Fawn. Then she woke up.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Missing Rosary and $8 (dA)
Journal Entry: Wed Jun 18, 2008, 9:10 PM
Not to mention that there is a bunch of shit going on back in IN between my mom and Wes (my step-father).
Good News: I am almost done with my pants!!
- Mood: Passionate
- Listening to: X-Japan
- Reading: The Canterbury Tales by Geoffrey Chaucer
- Eating: Ramen (its become a staple recently)
- Drinking: Water
Not to mention that there is a bunch of shit going on back in IN between my mom and Wes (my step-father).
Good News: I am almost done with my pants!!
Battle Royale meets The Cube
Strange dreams occur when Sarai dreams.
I don't know if anyone has seen Battle Royale (I'm sure that Gackt and Miyavi have seen Battle Royale) or The Cube so I'm going to give you the synopsis without giving any of the endings away.
Battle Royale: 42 students are kidnapped and then placed on a remote island to kill one another as part of a "Government Program". Everyday, parts of the Island become forbidden zones so that the students will be killed automatically if they enter a forbidden zone.
The Cube: A cube with rooms that are either safe or set with traps. Each room has a specfic colour and leads to 4 other rooms. The traps are set off by different things: heat sensors, sound, etc.
Now my dream:
We start out in a classroom, (very much like the beginning of BR) a few of us are sitting together trying to play a game while we wait for our instructor to arrive. Everything goes dark.
The next thing I know, I've been wounded and i'm running, i'm sliding down stairs and trying to hide, get to the bottom of this place and hide. I get to the bottom, and I'm trapped. There is a little stair that leads up to a tiny door. I have a flashback, of someone entering the room and being killed by the Electroshock floor. I hide under the stairs and across from me is another little door. I am afraid to go into it, because I seem to not have any shoes (those of you who have seen The Cube [or any of the sequels] will know why I need shoes).
I hear someone coming, someone singing. Then I hear,
"Shut up you blind bastard." and the sound of someone getting kicked. Then three people appear on my site. A black man, an Asian man and a white man. The Asian man is the one singing. In my mind, I recognize him as a guy named Excelsior, a guy I have a crush on. (Bear in mind folks, these are people made up in my dream. I don't ACTUALLY KNOW any of these people)
They look at me, all except Excelsior, because he is blind. They push me out of my hiding spot and the white guy and Excelsior sit down in my place. The black guy goes to the little door across from the stairs and opens it. He goes in and pulls a light cord. And is promptly electrocuted.
I stand in horror and Excelsior and the white guy turn towards me.
"Where are we?!" the white guy askes.
"I don't know! As best I can figure we are in a cube of some sorts. and we keep moving, we're just going round in circles." (just so that everyone knows, Not only are there traps, but certain rooms have become forbidden, but because the cube is moving and shifting you never know which room is going to be forbidden or trapped)
The white guy asks if I've gone through the little door at the top of the stairs. I tell him that its trapped. He then points a weapon at me and tells me to get the hell away from him before he kills me. I look at Excelsior and beg him to come with me. He refuses, saying that there was no point.
"But there is a point! I Like You!"
He smiles warmly and then says, "Bringing me with you won't help you survive. Now, go and escape." I petition for at least a goodbye kiss.
We come forward, our lips touch for a brief moment. Then he pushes me away and tells me to go. The white guy holds Excelsior back and makes sure he won't try to come with me and I run off and up the stairs. The last thing I hear is as I run away is Excelsior singing.
A little while later I am walking down a street. A Native American Man is coming towards me, playing bagpipes and singing amazing grace. I look at him and our eyes meet. I tell him that Excelsior is dead. He says that he knows, that he received his wallet today. He askes if I want Excelsior's wallet and I say no. Then I wake up.
I don't know if anyone has seen Battle Royale (I'm sure that Gackt and Miyavi have seen Battle Royale) or The Cube so I'm going to give you the synopsis without giving any of the endings away.
Battle Royale: 42 students are kidnapped and then placed on a remote island to kill one another as part of a "Government Program". Everyday, parts of the Island become forbidden zones so that the students will be killed automatically if they enter a forbidden zone.
The Cube: A cube with rooms that are either safe or set with traps. Each room has a specfic colour and leads to 4 other rooms. The traps are set off by different things: heat sensors, sound, etc.
Now my dream:
We start out in a classroom, (very much like the beginning of BR) a few of us are sitting together trying to play a game while we wait for our instructor to arrive. Everything goes dark.
The next thing I know, I've been wounded and i'm running, i'm sliding down stairs and trying to hide, get to the bottom of this place and hide. I get to the bottom, and I'm trapped. There is a little stair that leads up to a tiny door. I have a flashback, of someone entering the room and being killed by the Electroshock floor. I hide under the stairs and across from me is another little door. I am afraid to go into it, because I seem to not have any shoes (those of you who have seen The Cube [or any of the sequels] will know why I need shoes).
I hear someone coming, someone singing. Then I hear,
"Shut up you blind bastard." and the sound of someone getting kicked. Then three people appear on my site. A black man, an Asian man and a white man. The Asian man is the one singing. In my mind, I recognize him as a guy named Excelsior, a guy I have a crush on. (Bear in mind folks, these are people made up in my dream. I don't ACTUALLY KNOW any of these people)
They look at me, all except Excelsior, because he is blind. They push me out of my hiding spot and the white guy and Excelsior sit down in my place. The black guy goes to the little door across from the stairs and opens it. He goes in and pulls a light cord. And is promptly electrocuted.
I stand in horror and Excelsior and the white guy turn towards me.
"Where are we?!" the white guy askes.
"I don't know! As best I can figure we are in a cube of some sorts. and we keep moving, we're just going round in circles." (just so that everyone knows, Not only are there traps, but certain rooms have become forbidden, but because the cube is moving and shifting you never know which room is going to be forbidden or trapped)
The white guy asks if I've gone through the little door at the top of the stairs. I tell him that its trapped. He then points a weapon at me and tells me to get the hell away from him before he kills me. I look at Excelsior and beg him to come with me. He refuses, saying that there was no point.
"But there is a point! I Like You!"
He smiles warmly and then says, "Bringing me with you won't help you survive. Now, go and escape." I petition for at least a goodbye kiss.
We come forward, our lips touch for a brief moment. Then he pushes me away and tells me to go. The white guy holds Excelsior back and makes sure he won't try to come with me and I run off and up the stairs. The last thing I hear is as I run away is Excelsior singing.
A little while later I am walking down a street. A Native American Man is coming towards me, playing bagpipes and singing amazing grace. I look at him and our eyes meet. I tell him that Excelsior is dead. He says that he knows, that he received his wallet today. He askes if I want Excelsior's wallet and I say no. Then I wake up.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
A facsinating Dream as dreamt by Arlin...
Arlin's Dream (featuring, ME!)
I couldn't resist posting this. Arlin was telling me a dream/nightmare that he had featuring me.
Apparently I was living with an elderly lady (one that Arlin assumed was my grandmother) who had apparently taken me in because my parents had died in a tragic accident of some sort. Apparently the accident had caused me to become touched in the head, and he said that I was busy having a tea party with my dollys (He says I was in my 20's by then)...
According to him the elderly lady was worried about me because my only social life was having sex with random salesmen that would come to the door. Other than that my only companions were dolls.
I was convinced, in the dream, that I had to get impregnated. No matter what, I had to get impregnated and if I did I would go to town and promptly have an abortion. Because the dollys told me to...
The elderly lady was worried and had the preacher over every night for dinner where they would discuss my problems. Apparently I would only have sex with the random salesmen if she wasn't home. *shrug* And right before he woke up I was coming out of a bathroom asking my latest "friend" to help me rub cold cream on my chest in-between my boobs. Arlin says I was only wearing a robe...... Now, i've had some twisted dreams, but none like that... Jeez Louise! Arlin, SHARE THE DRUGS!!
I couldn't resist posting this. Arlin was telling me a dream/nightmare that he had featuring me.
Apparently I was living with an elderly lady (one that Arlin assumed was my grandmother) who had apparently taken me in because my parents had died in a tragic accident of some sort. Apparently the accident had caused me to become touched in the head, and he said that I was busy having a tea party with my dollys (He says I was in my 20's by then)...
According to him the elderly lady was worried about me because my only social life was having sex with random salesmen that would come to the door. Other than that my only companions were dolls.
I was convinced, in the dream, that I had to get impregnated. No matter what, I had to get impregnated and if I did I would go to town and promptly have an abortion. Because the dollys told me to...
The elderly lady was worried and had the preacher over every night for dinner where they would discuss my problems. Apparently I would only have sex with the random salesmen if she wasn't home. *shrug* And right before he woke up I was coming out of a bathroom asking my latest "friend" to help me rub cold cream on my chest in-between my boobs. Arlin says I was only wearing a robe...... Now, i've had some twisted dreams, but none like that... Jeez Louise! Arlin, SHARE THE DRUGS!!
Monday, June 16, 2008
Gackt, Sparkly Pants and Huzzahs!! (dA)
Journal Entry: Mon Jun 16, 2008, 11:15 PM
So once again, I have thread and am, once again, well stocked on ramen noodles. One can never get to sick of Ramen.
DaYog ( [link] ) is forbidden from posting a comment on this journal as I know that he will only luxuriate in tormenting me with visions of steak, ice cream cake and twice baked potatoes. ><
I have figured out how to do what I want to my pants, so there should be lesser amounts of wasted threads this time.
As to the Gackt section of this journal, I'm going to be changing my dA icon soon, to yet another picture of Gackuto. You should really check out his music on YouTube! (this is called a shameless plug) I suggest Black Stone ([link]) as a first video... It is very dance-y and rockish. If you like foreign music, that song is awesome. Two others I would suggest would be Redemption ([link]) and Returner ([link]). Both of which are beautifully done! He looks amazing in them and the songs speak volumes even if you don't speak Japanese. And just for the hell of it here is a [link] to his Official Website!
Now, I'm off to continue working on my pants. My roomie figured out how to make the WebCam take pictures (she went crazy taking pictures of me, ugh. Apparently I am "anata wo kawaii desu ne" meaning that I am cute) so i will be posting pics of my progress on the pants soon. And I'm also off to listen to Gackt. Which you should do to!
love,
Sarai
ps. Seriously, DaYog, do not post a comment about food. Or i will spam you with Gackt pictures!!
- Mood:
I Have To Pee - Listening to: Gackt!
- Eating: Ramen (its become a staple recently)
- Drinking: Soda (which Syphon hates)
So once again, I have thread and am, once again, well stocked on ramen noodles. One can never get to sick of Ramen.
DaYog ( [link] ) is forbidden from posting a comment on this journal as I know that he will only luxuriate in tormenting me with visions of steak, ice cream cake and twice baked potatoes. ><
I have figured out how to do what I want to my pants, so there should be lesser amounts of wasted threads this time.
As to the Gackt section of this journal, I'm going to be changing my dA icon soon, to yet another picture of Gackuto. You should really check out his music on YouTube! (this is called a shameless plug) I suggest Black Stone ([link]) as a first video... It is very dance-y and rockish. If you like foreign music, that song is awesome. Two others I would suggest would be Redemption ([link]) and Returner ([link]). Both of which are beautifully done! He looks amazing in them and the songs speak volumes even if you don't speak Japanese. And just for the hell of it here is a [link] to his Official Website!
Now, I'm off to continue working on my pants. My roomie figured out how to make the WebCam take pictures (she went crazy taking pictures of me, ugh. Apparently I am "anata wo kawaii desu ne" meaning that I am cute) so i will be posting pics of my progress on the pants soon. And I'm also off to listen to Gackt. Which you should do to!
love,
Sarai
ps. Seriously, DaYog, do not post a comment about food. Or i will spam you with Gackt pictures!!
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Ran out of Thread.... (dA)
Journal Entry: Sun Jun 15, 2008, 10:48 PM
Happy Father's Day to all the fathers on my watchlist!!!
Sarai
- Mood:
Confused - Listening to: X-Japan
- Reading: a convo between DaYog and myself
- Watching: the screen
- Playing: X-Japan
- Drinking: in the beauty of this moment... (and chai)
Happy Father's Day to all the fathers on my watchlist!!!
Sarai
Oasis Thin
Bent, made to break and be broken, a
stunned hush over all the pieces. Rose
petals, stained in blood, the Dragon has
called in his debt. Follow the jeweled body
down to the tips, frozen emeralds and
shattered ivory rubies scattered about her
hips.
Almond shaped eyes, colorless and
lifeless, flicker, struggling to regain some
semblance of consciousness. The stones
are rising to the surface, made weightless
by time's erosions, immersed in a
decadent veil of lies. Crescent moon
shines, the light spearing the darkened
night.
Slender fingers, meant for ivory keys, try to
grasp the last bits of life slipping through
this bloodied web. The veins seep love,
now dead from broken hearts and shattered
souls. A wire, held taught, drawing out
pain's violence to frenzied and frayed
nerves.
Wicked mouths, stained with the virescent
blood of autumn's leaves. Forgotten lovers,
blanched bones deserted by the Summer's
heat. Honeyed knives to cleave the soul,
render the mind cold as stone. Break the
bones in ebony quilts and shatter spirit's
womb.
Vanilla colored flowers drift down the
stream, the cool waters, iridescent in the
light of a burning moon. Stained liquid flows
about the interruption of its harmony. The
necessary means to the appropriate ends.
Here we will stand, frozen at the gates of
Hell's rebirth. Statues to guard the secrets
of silence.
stunned hush over all the pieces. Rose
petals, stained in blood, the Dragon has
called in his debt. Follow the jeweled body
down to the tips, frozen emeralds and
shattered ivory rubies scattered about her
hips.
Almond shaped eyes, colorless and
lifeless, flicker, struggling to regain some
semblance of consciousness. The stones
are rising to the surface, made weightless
by time's erosions, immersed in a
decadent veil of lies. Crescent moon
shines, the light spearing the darkened
night.
Slender fingers, meant for ivory keys, try to
grasp the last bits of life slipping through
this bloodied web. The veins seep love,
now dead from broken hearts and shattered
souls. A wire, held taught, drawing out
pain's violence to frenzied and frayed
nerves.
Wicked mouths, stained with the virescent
blood of autumn's leaves. Forgotten lovers,
blanched bones deserted by the Summer's
heat. Honeyed knives to cleave the soul,
render the mind cold as stone. Break the
bones in ebony quilts and shatter spirit's
womb.
Vanilla colored flowers drift down the
stream, the cool waters, iridescent in the
light of a burning moon. Stained liquid flows
about the interruption of its harmony. The
necessary means to the appropriate ends.
Here we will stand, frozen at the gates of
Hell's rebirth. Statues to guard the secrets
of silence.
Father’s Day
Father's Day 2008. What a father's day.
Nothing of major importance happening here. Spoke to my step-father yesterday, wished him a Happy Birthday/Happy Father's Day (since they fell on the same day this year). Definitely one of the more upsetting conversations I've had with him.
He asked me about church, whether I had been going. I said no, cause I can't walk to one. He told me to call a church and that they will help me with a ride. That they have to help me with a ride, because thats what churches are there for. To help people. Looking back on past church experiences, That is BS. Churches are like any other business now-a-days. They are out to make a profit.
At any rate, I held my tongue, I did not curse him out or say anything that I wanted to say. He complained about Mom living in the apartment for free. Which pissed me off. I just don't understand him. At all! He makes me want to go on a killing spree!
Don't worry, I won't. I'm not Timur the Lame, so I'm not going to make a pyramid out male skulls. I still have faith in some mankind.
Now, I'm off, this father's day has sucked and I'm going to go and sew sparkles onto my pants and talk to my new friend Trent and mourn the fact that i have no Charlie Chan movies to watch. If you don't know who Charlie Chan is, its okay, it was before all of your times. No, not Charlie Chaplin, Charlie Chan... http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0013184/
Sparkly Pants are Still Awesome (And the Pata that wears them is Awesome too! ^^ )
That is All.
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Pants Pants such a beautiful thing... (dA)
Journal Entry: Sat Jun 14, 2008, 10:16 PM 
Its okay though, I'm still in the designing process... One day, they'll be finished.
Good news, I'm losing weight!!
Bad news, I'm losing weight so my pants are falling off of me!
I am absolutely terrified that i'm going to be finished with these fantastic pants and unable to wear them because i've lost to much weight. On the one hand, that is an awesome feeling, because I've always been an overweight child/adult. So I'm excited to be losing weight (finally!) but at the same time I get a fantastic idea for pants and then i don't fit anymore...
*sigh*
Ain't that just the way it goes?!
- Mood:
Stunned - Listening to: Bleeding Love - Jesse McCartney
- Reading: I'm still on "Drawing Blood"
- Watching: myself get a little slimmer
- Playing: music
- Drinking: Dr. Pepper
Its okay though, I'm still in the designing process... One day, they'll be finished.
Good news, I'm losing weight!!
Bad news, I'm losing weight so my pants are falling off of me!
I am absolutely terrified that i'm going to be finished with these fantastic pants and unable to wear them because i've lost to much weight. On the one hand, that is an awesome feeling, because I've always been an overweight child/adult. So I'm excited to be losing weight (finally!) but at the same time I get a fantastic idea for pants and then i don't fit anymore...
*sigh*
Ain't that just the way it goes?!
Friday, June 13, 2008
Sparkly Pants and the Pata who wears them...
Alternate title: Babies, Buttons, Dragons and Gackt
Here is the Gackt part of the blog (I love the way he sings this song!!)
Okay, for those of you who have no Clue who Pata is, he is a guitarist from X-Japan. He has this habit of wearing sparkly/shiny pants... and I admit to being passionately in love with sparkly pants... No, I'm not in love with what could be underneath the pants...
though my roomie seems to like to bring up this point. But thats not the point of this blog!
I'm actually writing this because I had some interesting bits of inspiration in the pants department! Yesterday at the all to beautiful Wall of Marts, I discovered these adorable buttons... and some interestingly fun buttons... and bits of fabric that made me smile... and then realized just how PLAIN my jeans were. This sparked the lightbulb!!!
I will be spending tomorrow sewing various bits of fabric, buttons, beads and dragon coins onto my pants!! They need some spicing up anyway. if I can get the camera to work I will take pictures and post them here, because they will be absolutely FABULOUS when I'm done and I want to show them off!
Unfortunately, I could not find the kind of yarn I need to finish my scarf to send off to the Lovely Tora (of Alice 9), but when I return to The Land of Indians (Indiana) in July for the birth of my godson I fully intend to search there for the yarn. Since I originally got it in Indiana, I'm sure I can find it once again in Indiana.
Did I mention that I'm going to Indiana?!
I will be departing from Oklahoma on the 14th or 15th of July with my friend, Ryan, who is coming to visit me. And will be staying with my mother (and helping her move) until sometime in August when my best friend/sister, Kendra, will take off of work and prepare for the birth of her son, Corbin. I am the God-Mother and am totally psyched because I get to be in the delivery room with Kendra when she gives birth.
This is a rather long blog, but I felt everyone deserved to know how excited I am to be a God-Mother, how happy I am to be able to experience all these different new things that are going on with me and how, no matter what may happen, I have some awesome friends who put up with my bullshit and stick with me no matter the cost.
On a somewhat sad note, due to the health of the drummer/pianist/lyricist of X-Japan, my concert may or not be canceled. I actually hope it is, cause I would rather He get better than try to entertain me. I care about his health more. Thats just me though, many fans are bitching because of it, but I'll be happy as long as he stays healthy. I prefer my heroes to be healthy!
And now I close with this last tidbit:
Here is the Gackt part of the blog (I love the way he sings this song!!)
Okay, for those of you who have no Clue who Pata is, he is a guitarist from X-Japan. He has this habit of wearing sparkly/shiny pants... and I admit to being passionately in love with sparkly pants... No, I'm not in love with what could be underneath the pants...
though my roomie seems to like to bring up this point. But thats not the point of this blog!I'm actually writing this because I had some interesting bits of inspiration in the pants department! Yesterday at the all to beautiful Wall of Marts, I discovered these adorable buttons... and some interestingly fun buttons... and bits of fabric that made me smile... and then realized just how PLAIN my jeans were. This sparked the lightbulb!!!
I will be spending tomorrow sewing various bits of fabric, buttons, beads and dragon coins onto my pants!!
They need some spicing up anyway. if I can get the camera to work I will take pictures and post them here, because they will be absolutely FABULOUS when I'm done and I want to show them off!Unfortunately, I could not find the kind of yarn I need to finish my scarf to send off to the Lovely Tora (of Alice 9), but when I return to The Land of Indians (Indiana) in July for the birth of my godson I fully intend to search there for the yarn. Since I originally got it in Indiana, I'm sure I can find it once again in Indiana.
Did I mention that I'm going to Indiana?!
I will be departing from Oklahoma on the 14th or 15th of July with my friend, Ryan, who is coming to visit me. And will be staying with my mother (and helping her move) until sometime in August when my best friend/sister, Kendra, will take off of work and prepare for the birth of her son, Corbin. I am the God-Mother and am totally psyched because I get to be in the delivery room with Kendra when she gives birth.This is a rather long blog, but I felt everyone deserved to know how excited I am to be a God-Mother, how happy I am to be able to experience all these different new things that are going on with me and how, no matter what may happen, I have some awesome friends who put up with my bullshit and stick with me no matter the cost.
On a somewhat sad note, due to the health of the drummer/pianist/lyricist of X-Japan, my concert may or not be canceled. I actually hope it is, cause I would rather He get better than try to entertain me. I care about his health more. Thats just me though, many fans are bitching because of it, but I'll be happy as long as he stays healthy. I prefer my heroes to be healthy!
And now I close with this last tidbit:
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