HELLO EVERYONE!!!
I thought I would be random and post a bunch of CRAZY things I've said in the past few years, ENJOY!!
FOREWARNING: Some of the things I have said are inappropriate, if you think you will be offended, LEAVE before you are! ^^ BTW: there may be more of these later!! If you have any funny things that I've said to you that you want posted let me know and I'll save up for part 2!
Sarai: My vagina's name is Delilah because it draws your penis in like Samson
Mrs. Wilhoit: What do you think?
Sarai: The Doctors and Nurses don't know.
Sarai: *Ice Cream Zombie Sarai moves in on the unsuspecting Chocolate Ice Cream in the Freezer, it has no idea that it is about to be CONSUMED!*
Sarai: *singing* Its raining muffins, hallelujah! Its raining muffins, AMEN. I'm going to go out and get, absolutely STUFFED AND WET!!
Chris: If it was German it would've gone through that wall.
Sarai: Yeah right, if it was German it would've stopped for CAKE!
Sarai: I dreamt the toliet paper was trying to molest me and THEN it threatened to plug me up so that I wouldn't be able to go to the bathroom ever again! So I tore it into pieces and burned it. ^^
Donnie: They created a special exhibit just for Him in the Museum of Sodomy!
Sarai: Yeah, it teaches you how to shove your head all the way up your ass!
Sarai: You are a cat perch. I shall call you CP from now on
Sarai: I COULD BE YOUR MOM!!! HONEYBLADE!
Sarai: SPARKLES! I have sparkly AIDS. Its very sad. And I infected everyone else!
Sarai: The first book says "Guide to seduction" The middle says "Everything Tantric Sex" and the last says "Getting Pregnant"
Trent: How much sugar and caffeine have you had today?
Sarai: A LOT!!! SO MUCH!! WHIPPED CREAM!!! *bounces*
Sarai: If i spray Fawn with whipped cream, can I hide out at your house?
Sarai: No the hermaphroditic part.
Sarai: Did you hear? I'm sleeping with a french mime!
Sarai: Sucks to be you right now, stuck in that chair. its okay though, I won't hurt you or anything. you just get to be my toy, forever and ever and ever and ever and ever.....................................................................................................................
Sarai: Fawn ate my boob shaped chips... *sigh*
Sarai: When Fawn plays Toshi incessantly she makes me want run into the arms of Jennifer Lopez!!!
Sarai: So Fawn is going to kill me
Trent: Because you stopped resisting.
Sarai: No, because I said I wanted to dance around the house naked to Jennifer Lopez
Sarai: I cook Your food...
Fawn: So?
Sarai: Well how do you know I didn't poison it with Jennifer Lopez?
Sarai: You know, it all comes down to that epic question: am I smarter than George W. Bush?
Trent: *looks shocked*
Sarai: You know, I actually have other interests besides cross-dressing singers.
Sarai: I'm sorry, my brain isn't inside my head... its floating about with the flies.
Trent: How many times has Fawn been adopted?
Sarai: Well, Yo and my Mom... Wow, Yo and my Mom could be married... awkward
Trent: Especially with you having the hots for him.
Sarai: No reason. I'm SG (silly girl), GG (goofy girl), PB (pedantic bitch) and CG (crazy girl). I do strange things!
Sarai: Now you're just getting fawning ridiculous
Sarai: I just got gang raped poked!!
Trent: There are things I don't need to hear.
Trent: I know because I've been there.
Sarai: Did you buy the t-shirt while you were there?
Sarai: Then how does oral work?
Trent: You know I'm not comfortable explaining that.
Sarai: She's strangling me ... and now she's touching my boobs
Trent: You probably deserve it.
Sarai: I'M BEING MOLESTED!!
Trent: So let me get this straight.
Sarai: There is nothing straight about this.
Sarai: So I've been mind-fucked 4 times today... How was your day?
Sarai: And then i decided to come down from my pedestal and talk to you people
Fawny: Oh you have a pedestal...?
Sarai: Yes, yes I do. hide lent me one to see if I liked it
Sarai: I was giving Fawn a lesson in breasts today.
Sarai: Not bothered love, just dead... I mean not dead madam, just wounded. Tis only a flesh wound.... where was I?
Sarai: DAMN STRAIGHT! or crooked... either way
Fawny: Boob-gram?
Sarai: Yes, I delievered a "boob-gram" to you
Sarai: Yes, her boobs are screen squigglies. And beautiful screen squigglies they are!
Sarai: Yep, you're undead. Thus speaketh the Fawn
Sarai (ON MIDOL): Only slightly... BARELY WORTH MENTIONING! I need Coffee... do we have any coffee? I NEED MT. FUCKING DEW!!! *dances about living room in sugar craze*
Sarai (ON MIDOL): I'm not going insane... I swear... I hit my hand... I think my head hurts... fjweorur9y4hkljk;fj]]=024up *SQUEE* I HAVE SPARKLY PANTS!! *dances*
Sarai (ON MIDOL): I cna't rememebr my name right now. Sarai? name? age? ocial ecurity? _*_ Upside down!
Sarai: I GIGGLE AT THEE!! Beware my giggling!
Sarai: (ON MIDOL): Yes, precious deep breathings
Sarai: (ON MIDOL): *whispers* i see gay people!! Like "i see dead people" except the people are of the homosexual nature
Sarai: there was a bug on me...
Trent: Did it go for shelter?
Sarai: it was crawling on me
Fawny: No it didn't go after her boobs...
Sarai: and i squealed and then knocked it off. do you suppose it died?
Trent: No, it's just plotting until you aren't looking.
Sarai: oh... maybe it will grow wings like the pink spider and fly away
Sarai: Elsewhere in the world, people are eating pygmy pies made entirely of White dental floss!
Sarai: If aliens really do exist... I'll give my brother a piggyback ride to mars!
Sarai: Things could be worse: At least you're not being rectally probed by aliens.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
Ice Cream Zombie Has Arrived! (dA)
Mon Jun 29, 2009, 9:33 PM
* Mood: Emotional
* Listening to: Pretty Lips - Sori
* Drinking: Lemonade
Hey everybody,
I am so happy that so many people have been looking at my work, I am in awe of people's support for what I have lately considered mediocre.
I am enjoying life, even though there is a little stuff that sucks. Been dealing with a lot of emotional bullshit. Prayers on my behalf would be lovely, because I am so emotionally messed up, I don't know if I'm up or down half the time. Of course, this works out for poetic reasons, but not so much for my life.
Some stuff going on with the boyfriend and one of my mom's friends has got all of us on edge. Basically, the bf told the guy (M) to stay the fuck away from me. M had recently been making me feel uncomfortable with a lot of flirtation. He says it was playful, but for me it didn't feel like just playing. Mom is pissed off because of it, because she takes M to work everyday and she considers him to be another one of her kids (Then again, everyone is my mother's kid). Anyway, I have secured a promise from Donnie, that he will apologize for HOW he said what he said. I am not upset with WHAT he said, so much as I am HOW he said it.
A cousin of mine in Florida may be paying for me to come and visit for a week or so. I don't know yet, but that would be cool, I think I would be able to just relax and center my emotions if I could just be on the beach and in the ocean. I have always felt a strong connection to the ocean, maybe I was mermaid in a past life? IDK, all I know is that I need some time to just be myself away from my relationship, so if this works out, I'll be really happy. Besides, I want to meet my cousin's BF, he is a really great guy and I'd like to meet him before they are married :D
Well that is all for now, I'm working on some more new stuff, will post when possible. :D
* Mood: Emotional
* Listening to: Pretty Lips - Sori
* Drinking: Lemonade
Hey everybody,
I am so happy that so many people have been looking at my work, I am in awe of people's support for what I have lately considered mediocre.
I am enjoying life, even though there is a little stuff that sucks. Been dealing with a lot of emotional bullshit. Prayers on my behalf would be lovely, because I am so emotionally messed up, I don't know if I'm up or down half the time. Of course, this works out for poetic reasons, but not so much for my life.
Some stuff going on with the boyfriend and one of my mom's friends has got all of us on edge. Basically, the bf told the guy (M) to stay the fuck away from me. M had recently been making me feel uncomfortable with a lot of flirtation. He says it was playful, but for me it didn't feel like just playing. Mom is pissed off because of it, because she takes M to work everyday and she considers him to be another one of her kids (Then again, everyone is my mother's kid). Anyway, I have secured a promise from Donnie, that he will apologize for HOW he said what he said. I am not upset with WHAT he said, so much as I am HOW he said it.
A cousin of mine in Florida may be paying for me to come and visit for a week or so. I don't know yet, but that would be cool, I think I would be able to just relax and center my emotions if I could just be on the beach and in the ocean. I have always felt a strong connection to the ocean, maybe I was mermaid in a past life? IDK, all I know is that I need some time to just be myself away from my relationship, so if this works out, I'll be really happy. Besides, I want to meet my cousin's BF, he is a really great guy and I'd like to meet him before they are married :D
Well that is all for now, I'm working on some more new stuff, will post when possible. :D
Sunday, June 28, 2009
The reason that I am posting so much!
Well first of all, because I can! lol... And secondly because I need something to do with myself. So, I decided to post the latest of what I have been posting on DeviantArt. If you are ever interested in seeing everything I've every done poetry wise I can send you the link to my dA account. Just ask.
Anyway, last night was pretty cool, in-spite of the depression and the bullshit I am trying to deal with. You know how it goes. Anyway, I went to a Gypsy Festival that was being held here in B-ton. It was AWESOME!! I loved it! Even though Ryan hated it. Lol, at least I didn't try to take Donnie along, he would've gotten a bunch of peace-loving hippies to give up being peace loving long enough to kill us! lol.
SO my poem, "The Gypsy" that I just posted was inspired by my experiences last night. It was so cool! There were so many interesting things to see!
There was a fire dance, tarot card readings and coffee ground readings, jewelry and the softest hemp clothing I've ever seen and/or felt. One woman had a scrying mirror (apparently scrying is where you concentrate on the mirror and then ask it a question, supposedly the mirror will give you the answer), that I would've purchased if I'd had the money... She gave me some fossils and a geode for good energy.
The music was entrancing for me, like stepping into a different time and a different place, not just some alley behind the Runcible Spoon (the restaurant that was hosting the festival). It was as if the music was taking hold of me, sinking in deeper than my bones and deeper than my soul, God it was powerful! I don't know about you, but I love it when the drums are pounding and there is a only a hint of other music playing, that tribal and animal kind of music, it brings out the predator in me, not a bad kind of predator, but the animal part of myself that wants to keep dancing and swaying to the music and never stop. It was AMAZING!
I couldn't afford to get my fortune told, which was kind of saddening. I wanted to get my tarot done, because I've never done it before. That is probably because I am a rebillious soul and Wes would've had a heart attack if he was still any part of my life. I can't help that I want to experience what there is to experience in life. There are so many things to see, to do, to hear, to express! Why limit myself to only one type of experience when there are so many to be had?
Over all it was a great experience and I hope they do it again, because I would love to go! And maybe my jewelry could be a part of it this next time? *shrug* Who knows! I am open to the world and I will not be held back!
Anyway, last night was pretty cool, in-spite of the depression and the bullshit I am trying to deal with. You know how it goes. Anyway, I went to a Gypsy Festival that was being held here in B-ton. It was AWESOME!! I loved it! Even though Ryan hated it. Lol, at least I didn't try to take Donnie along, he would've gotten a bunch of peace-loving hippies to give up being peace loving long enough to kill us! lol.
SO my poem, "The Gypsy" that I just posted was inspired by my experiences last night. It was so cool! There were so many interesting things to see!
There was a fire dance, tarot card readings and coffee ground readings, jewelry and the softest hemp clothing I've ever seen and/or felt. One woman had a scrying mirror (apparently scrying is where you concentrate on the mirror and then ask it a question, supposedly the mirror will give you the answer), that I would've purchased if I'd had the money... She gave me some fossils and a geode for good energy.
The music was entrancing for me, like stepping into a different time and a different place, not just some alley behind the Runcible Spoon (the restaurant that was hosting the festival). It was as if the music was taking hold of me, sinking in deeper than my bones and deeper than my soul, God it was powerful! I don't know about you, but I love it when the drums are pounding and there is a only a hint of other music playing, that tribal and animal kind of music, it brings out the predator in me, not a bad kind of predator, but the animal part of myself that wants to keep dancing and swaying to the music and never stop. It was AMAZING!
I couldn't afford to get my fortune told, which was kind of saddening. I wanted to get my tarot done, because I've never done it before. That is probably because I am a rebillious soul and Wes would've had a heart attack if he was still any part of my life. I can't help that I want to experience what there is to experience in life. There are so many things to see, to do, to hear, to express! Why limit myself to only one type of experience when there are so many to be had?
Over all it was a great experience and I hope they do it again, because I would love to go! And maybe my jewelry could be a part of it this next time? *shrug* Who knows! I am open to the world and I will not be held back!
The Gypsy
She spins, slowly and seductively, faster and faster. Firelight dances with her,
shadows on the ground tremble with her, flicker and fade, faster and faster.
The beat fills her soul, thrusting into her heart like arrows from the shaft,
she spins faster and faster, moving her hips and singing to the fires, gypsy.
She raises her arms to the heavens, a celebration of earth and sky,
spinning she lets the fire fly, faster and faster. She is bound to the earth,
a trapped goddess of her world, arms stretched to the sky, faster and faster.
She slows, spinning out the colors of her heart and the cards of life's desires.
She collapses, a beautiful piece of sculpture amongst wilting summer flowers.
The fires stretch their fingers up to grasp some heaven for the gypsy girl,
the wind floats the scents of wild vanilla and cinnamon to caress that gold skin,
she isn't spinning in more, crimson staining the gold flecks of her skin.
So she spins again, spinning away from earth and sky, fire and water, soul.
Gypsy, she is called, the fortunes of ungrateful men to tell, dancing for her soul.
Gypsy, she will die, a witch and a teller of the future, spinning out of existence.
So she spins again, faster and faster, away from fires that tell her fate to the sky.
shadows on the ground tremble with her, flicker and fade, faster and faster.
The beat fills her soul, thrusting into her heart like arrows from the shaft,
she spins faster and faster, moving her hips and singing to the fires, gypsy.
She raises her arms to the heavens, a celebration of earth and sky,
spinning she lets the fire fly, faster and faster. She is bound to the earth,
a trapped goddess of her world, arms stretched to the sky, faster and faster.
She slows, spinning out the colors of her heart and the cards of life's desires.
She collapses, a beautiful piece of sculpture amongst wilting summer flowers.
The fires stretch their fingers up to grasp some heaven for the gypsy girl,
the wind floats the scents of wild vanilla and cinnamon to caress that gold skin,
she isn't spinning in more, crimson staining the gold flecks of her skin.
So she spins again, spinning away from earth and sky, fire and water, soul.
Gypsy, she is called, the fortunes of ungrateful men to tell, dancing for her soul.
Gypsy, she will die, a witch and a teller of the future, spinning out of existence.
So she spins again, faster and faster, away from fires that tell her fate to the sky.
Donnie
I can see the starlight flickering in perfect blue orbs,
I can feel the heartbeat that races as fast as mine,
I can taste the sweetness that lies within soft lips,
I can hear a soft inhalation, a taking in of this moment.
I look and all I want to do is memorize your face,
I can't seem to soak up enough of your sunshine.
I am a dying flower, wilting in a desert,
You are the water that refreshes me, restores me.
You slow, look at me with those eyes that know my soul,
Arms wrapping around me, sheltering and protecting.
You search my face, you look almost worried by the tears.
Darling, its only heart's rain, give me a moment, we'll be fine.
You can see the light hiding at the back of black pools,
You can feel the broken heart beat continue to run,
You can taste the salt in the tears that flow,
You can hear a timid, an uncertain, I love you.
And You smile.
I can feel the heartbeat that races as fast as mine,
I can taste the sweetness that lies within soft lips,
I can hear a soft inhalation, a taking in of this moment.
I look and all I want to do is memorize your face,
I can't seem to soak up enough of your sunshine.
I am a dying flower, wilting in a desert,
You are the water that refreshes me, restores me.
You slow, look at me with those eyes that know my soul,
Arms wrapping around me, sheltering and protecting.
You search my face, you look almost worried by the tears.
Darling, its only heart's rain, give me a moment, we'll be fine.
You can see the light hiding at the back of black pools,
You can feel the broken heart beat continue to run,
You can taste the salt in the tears that flow,
You can hear a timid, an uncertain, I love you.
And You smile.
The Doll; Act One; Scene One
Scene I
Light up on a young woman dressed in black. Flowing black skirt, black blouse, black heels. She wears them awkwardly, as if she is playing dress up in an older sibling's clothes. Tucked under one arm she has a doll, also dressed in black, and a small bunch of white violets in her other hand. She is standing next to a bench, looking around nervously and seeming somewhat lost.
Male Voice Offstage: Sara? Sara! Sara, this is no time for games, we have to go. Sara?
(Enter a young man, also dressed in black. Black vest over a black shirt, sleeves rolled up to mid-forearm. Black slacks, black tie, black shoes. He immediately crosses over to the young woman, takes her arm and turns her so that she is facing him.)
Sara: (looking pleadingly at the young man) Jack, please, do we have to go? Isabel (indicating the doll) and I don't want to go, please don't make us go.
Jack: Yes, we have to go. Sara, its your grandmother's funeral! You have to go. (Somewhat harshly) Besides, Isabel can't talk, so she can't complain about not wanting to go. (Still holding Sara's arm, he tries to drag her off stage, but she resists.)
Sara: (Breaking his hold on her arm) No. I won't go. I don't want to go. I'm tired of funerals. I'm tired of everyone saying Memere (pronounced like Mem-may) went to be with Momma in heaven. (She walks a little way from him, her back facing him) I want to go home, I want my Memere. I want her to make some hot cocoa and hold me. (Sits down on the bench, defeated.) I don't want to go (last is said lamely)
Jack: (Letting his impatience turn into temper) Too bad, you have to go. (He goes over to Sara, grabs her arm and yanks her up from the bench) You ARE going, if I have to drag you there I will!
Sara: (whimpers) But Isabel says...
Jack: (cutting her off) Isabel says nothing! Isabel is a damn doll, Sara! She can't say anything! (He yanks the doll out of Sara's arms and throws her to the ground so that the doll's face breaks off)
Sara: (kneels down beside the broken doll) Memere gave her to me. (She picks up the faceless doll and cradles it) She said if I took care of her I would never be alone. But she is dead now, I am all alone. (Whispers) Alone.
Jack: (kneels down beside Sara) Sara, I'm sorry... I didn't mean... Its just that... I'm really sorry, Sara. We can fix her ... (trails off)
Sara: (Looks at Jack) You didn't have to kill her, Jack. Just because she didn't want to go ... (pause) You didn't have to kill her. (She stands up, still cradling the "dead" doll, and walks offstage leaving Jack with the doll's shattered face.)
Jack: (Rises quickly, angry again and shouting) I didn't kill her, she's just a doll! You're 21 now, its time to stop playing with dolls and playing dress up! (Walks after her, stops just before he exits, still shouting) Its time to grow up, Sara!
Black Out
Light up on a young woman dressed in black. Flowing black skirt, black blouse, black heels. She wears them awkwardly, as if she is playing dress up in an older sibling's clothes. Tucked under one arm she has a doll, also dressed in black, and a small bunch of white violets in her other hand. She is standing next to a bench, looking around nervously and seeming somewhat lost.
Male Voice Offstage: Sara? Sara! Sara, this is no time for games, we have to go. Sara?
(Enter a young man, also dressed in black. Black vest over a black shirt, sleeves rolled up to mid-forearm. Black slacks, black tie, black shoes. He immediately crosses over to the young woman, takes her arm and turns her so that she is facing him.)
Sara: (looking pleadingly at the young man) Jack, please, do we have to go? Isabel (indicating the doll) and I don't want to go, please don't make us go.
Jack: Yes, we have to go. Sara, its your grandmother's funeral! You have to go. (Somewhat harshly) Besides, Isabel can't talk, so she can't complain about not wanting to go. (Still holding Sara's arm, he tries to drag her off stage, but she resists.)
Sara: (Breaking his hold on her arm) No. I won't go. I don't want to go. I'm tired of funerals. I'm tired of everyone saying Memere (pronounced like Mem-may) went to be with Momma in heaven. (She walks a little way from him, her back facing him) I want to go home, I want my Memere. I want her to make some hot cocoa and hold me. (Sits down on the bench, defeated.) I don't want to go (last is said lamely)
Jack: (Letting his impatience turn into temper) Too bad, you have to go. (He goes over to Sara, grabs her arm and yanks her up from the bench) You ARE going, if I have to drag you there I will!
Sara: (whimpers) But Isabel says...
Jack: (cutting her off) Isabel says nothing! Isabel is a damn doll, Sara! She can't say anything! (He yanks the doll out of Sara's arms and throws her to the ground so that the doll's face breaks off)
Sara: (kneels down beside the broken doll) Memere gave her to me. (She picks up the faceless doll and cradles it) She said if I took care of her I would never be alone. But she is dead now, I am all alone. (Whispers) Alone.
Jack: (kneels down beside Sara) Sara, I'm sorry... I didn't mean... Its just that... I'm really sorry, Sara. We can fix her ... (trails off)
Sara: (Looks at Jack) You didn't have to kill her, Jack. Just because she didn't want to go ... (pause) You didn't have to kill her. (She stands up, still cradling the "dead" doll, and walks offstage leaving Jack with the doll's shattered face.)
Jack: (Rises quickly, angry again and shouting) I didn't kill her, she's just a doll! You're 21 now, its time to stop playing with dolls and playing dress up! (Walks after her, stops just before he exits, still shouting) Its time to grow up, Sara!
Black Out
A Random Scene from a Play I'm writing :D
The Doll by Sarai
Lights up on Sara and Aaron sitting outside on a bench. Sara has a doll tucked under her arm and is sitting close to Aaron, but isn’t leaning against him. Sara is staring upward, and Aaron is leaning forward, looking at his hands.
Sara: (looking upward) Does Winter exist in Heaven?
Aaron: (Looks over at Sara) Do you want it to?
Sara: I don’t know. (Looks down at Aaron) Do you think that my wishing for it would make it come true?
Aaron: (Sits up straighter) I don’t know if wishing makes anything true. But maybe sometimes truth makes us wish. What kind of winter do you think Heaven would have?
Sara: (Looks upward again) I would hope it would have a soft winter, a gentle death for all things that must die. Though, suppose there is no winter in Heaven, because there is no death. (Looks down at her doll) But how sad to never see spring again.
Aaron: Why would you never see spring again?
Sara: (Looks at Aaron, Earnestly) Because spring isn’t truly if there has been no winter. There can be no rebirth if there is no death first. If there is no death, no winter, there can be no rebirth, no spring.
Aaron: There could still be spring. Except it wouldn’t be rebirth, it would be birth alone.
Sara: Then it would be spring alone, all the time.
Aaron: I suppose so. Would you mind if it was spring always and never any other season?
Sara: (Pauses a moment) I don’t know. I would miss summer and fall.
Aaron: Would you miss winter?
Sara: (Wistful) Yes. I would miss winter too. (Turns to Aaron) What do you think Heaven is like?
Aaron: (Breaks off looking at Sara and stares out toward an unseen horizon) Empty, endless blue sky. Fluid like water tripping over smooth stones. Trees that are the color of Autumn always. Oceans of color and emotions and light stretching away forever and ever. Perfect in its imperfections and Imperfect in its perfection. Poetically un-poetic and Un-poetically poetic.
Sara: Like a dream one never fully wakes from?
Aaron: Yes, a dream that you can never fully walk away from.
Sara: Why do you think that?
Aaron: (shrugs) I don’t know.
Sara: I hope it is the way you say. (Lays head on Aaron’s shoulder)
Aaron: (Looks at Sara, then lays head on her head) Suppose we go back inside? It is almost time for dinner.
Sara: (Sighs) Even Heaven must end.
Aaron: (Tips Sara’s face up to look at him) Why do you say that?
Sara: Because sometimes wishing creates truth and truth gives life to wishing. (Stares at Aaron a moment, Kisses Aaron’s cheek, then stands and then exits the stage)
Lights up on Sara and Aaron sitting outside on a bench. Sara has a doll tucked under her arm and is sitting close to Aaron, but isn’t leaning against him. Sara is staring upward, and Aaron is leaning forward, looking at his hands.
Sara: (looking upward) Does Winter exist in Heaven?
Aaron: (Looks over at Sara) Do you want it to?
Sara: I don’t know. (Looks down at Aaron) Do you think that my wishing for it would make it come true?
Aaron: (Sits up straighter) I don’t know if wishing makes anything true. But maybe sometimes truth makes us wish. What kind of winter do you think Heaven would have?
Sara: (Looks upward again) I would hope it would have a soft winter, a gentle death for all things that must die. Though, suppose there is no winter in Heaven, because there is no death. (Looks down at her doll) But how sad to never see spring again.
Aaron: Why would you never see spring again?
Sara: (Looks at Aaron, Earnestly) Because spring isn’t truly if there has been no winter. There can be no rebirth if there is no death first. If there is no death, no winter, there can be no rebirth, no spring.
Aaron: There could still be spring. Except it wouldn’t be rebirth, it would be birth alone.
Sara: Then it would be spring alone, all the time.
Aaron: I suppose so. Would you mind if it was spring always and never any other season?
Sara: (Pauses a moment) I don’t know. I would miss summer and fall.
Aaron: Would you miss winter?
Sara: (Wistful) Yes. I would miss winter too. (Turns to Aaron) What do you think Heaven is like?
Aaron: (Breaks off looking at Sara and stares out toward an unseen horizon) Empty, endless blue sky. Fluid like water tripping over smooth stones. Trees that are the color of Autumn always. Oceans of color and emotions and light stretching away forever and ever. Perfect in its imperfections and Imperfect in its perfection. Poetically un-poetic and Un-poetically poetic.
Sara: Like a dream one never fully wakes from?
Aaron: Yes, a dream that you can never fully walk away from.
Sara: Why do you think that?
Aaron: (shrugs) I don’t know.
Sara: I hope it is the way you say. (Lays head on Aaron’s shoulder)
Aaron: (Looks at Sara, then lays head on her head) Suppose we go back inside? It is almost time for dinner.
Sara: (Sighs) Even Heaven must end.
Aaron: (Tips Sara’s face up to look at him) Why do you say that?
Sara: Because sometimes wishing creates truth and truth gives life to wishing. (Stares at Aaron a moment, Kisses Aaron’s cheek, then stands and then exits the stage)
Friday, June 26, 2009
Oklahoma, the Sequel to the first Adventure!
So, hard to believe that it has been almost a YEAR since I was in my beautiful Oklahoma. God knows I miss it like crazy. But hopefully, soon, we will be on our way back and beginning the next crazy chapter in my life. God, I look forward too it.
On a sadder note, RIP Michael Jackson who passed away yesterday! Rest in Peace Michael. I will miss you!!
That's all for now... stuff I have to do tomorrow and all that. *hugs to everyone*
Sarai
On a sadder note, RIP Michael Jackson who passed away yesterday! Rest in Peace Michael. I will miss you!!
That's all for now... stuff I have to do tomorrow and all that. *hugs to everyone*
Sarai
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
New Stuff, Coming Soon! (dA)
Wed Jun 24, 2009
* Mood: Optimism
* Listening to: Random Music on YouTube
* Reading: Judes' IM
* Watching: Donnie play video games
* Playing: Plants vs. Zombies
* Eating: Bologna Sandwiches
* Drinking: Kool-Aid
Hello everyone!!
So, I am finally getting some inspiration and have started working on a play that I started writing 2 years ago. Did I mention that I can't seem to ever finish anything I start?
The play is called "The Doll". It is about a young woman who is not emotionally all there. She is about 21 years old, but still lives in the 10 year old world of dolls and dress up. It's kind of about her coming out of her shell and discovering that she is, in fact, a grown woman with a grown woman's feelings.
It's more of an in depth look into some interesting ideas I have on life and love. So, I may post a piece of it. I have to re-work a major monologue in the script and I need to finish filling out the minor details. :D Wish me luck!!
* Mood: Optimism
* Listening to: Random Music on YouTube
* Reading: Judes' IM
* Watching: Donnie play video games
* Playing: Plants vs. Zombies
* Eating: Bologna Sandwiches
* Drinking: Kool-Aid
Hello everyone!!
So, I am finally getting some inspiration and have started working on a play that I started writing 2 years ago. Did I mention that I can't seem to ever finish anything I start?
The play is called "The Doll". It is about a young woman who is not emotionally all there. She is about 21 years old, but still lives in the 10 year old world of dolls and dress up. It's kind of about her coming out of her shell and discovering that she is, in fact, a grown woman with a grown woman's feelings.
It's more of an in depth look into some interesting ideas I have on life and love. So, I may post a piece of it. I have to re-work a major monologue in the script and I need to finish filling out the minor details. :D Wish me luck!!
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Crossroads
Well, sweetheart, another crossroads.
I'm tired of fighting with you, tired of
trying to make this work. I work so damn
hard to make you happy, and frankly
I don't know if this is still going to work.
I am not ready to let go. I'm not ready,
I don't want to say goodbye, but I don't
know what to do love! I am not happy,
I am in love with you, but what are we
to do?
Maybe it's best to say goodbye now,
before it becomes anymore painful to
say goodbye. It's already going to hurt
like hell. So, another crossroads,
what do you want to do?
Do you want to flip a coin? Heads we
try again, tails we go our own ways?
Do you want to just leave it as it is?
I'm sorry, love, for having loved you.
I'm sorry for everything I am saying.
I want to be with you, I want to spend
the rest of my life with you, but I don't
know what to do now, love. Tell me
what we should try to make this work?
Please, forgive me. Forgive this heart,
forget and maybe it will be easier that
way.
I'm tired of fighting with you, tired of
trying to make this work. I work so damn
hard to make you happy, and frankly
I don't know if this is still going to work.
I am not ready to let go. I'm not ready,
I don't want to say goodbye, but I don't
know what to do love! I am not happy,
I am in love with you, but what are we
to do?
Maybe it's best to say goodbye now,
before it becomes anymore painful to
say goodbye. It's already going to hurt
like hell. So, another crossroads,
what do you want to do?
Do you want to flip a coin? Heads we
try again, tails we go our own ways?
Do you want to just leave it as it is?
I'm sorry, love, for having loved you.
I'm sorry for everything I am saying.
I want to be with you, I want to spend
the rest of my life with you, but I don't
know what to do now, love. Tell me
what we should try to make this work?
Please, forgive me. Forgive this heart,
forget and maybe it will be easier that
way.
So this is what I want to do...
*DISCLAIMER*
This is going to be FAR more gruesome than my last blog. If you can't handle the truth, then don't read this. Though I hope you all at least attempt to read this, because it may help make you aware of how much what I am about to propose really needs to be done!
Okay, many of you read my last blog about Sylvia Likens and the poem I wrote for her. Her story and one other have touched me and I really want to do something, to help prevent horrible tragedies like theirs from happening anymore.
The other young woman was named Junko Furuta. Ruki from The GazettE wrote a song for her, called Taion. I think that was a beautiful thing to do. These two women (Junko and Sylvia) deserve to have as many people as possible hearing about them. Because NO ONE should ever have to live through what they lived through.
Junko Furuta, 16 year old Japanese Girl. She was kidnapped on the 25th of November, 1988. I would have been two months old. She was held by four different boys from when she was taken to January 5th 1989 when the four boys disposed of her body in a 55 gallon drum filled with cement. The girl was tortured, raped repeatedly and murdered. She might not have died, except the people who knew what was happening to her didn’t do anything to help. IF you can handle the grisly details, here is a website that lists all the things that happened to Junko before she died. If she had lived she would be 36 years old. I hope you do read it, because she deserves to have her story heard as well: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Junko_Furuta
Sylvia Likens, 16 year old Indiana Girl. She was left with a woman named Gertrude Baniszewski, who eventually tortured the young girl to death. Yet again, she could’ve been saved if a neighbor had reported the abuse the she witnessed happening in the Baniszewski house. But she didn’t and no one else did. IF someone had spoken up, Sylvia would be about 60 years old today. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sylvia_Likens)
I want to start two different foundations. One for Junko and one for Sylvia, as no one should EVER have to live through what they did and should never have to die, the way they did. I’m not saying that I can stop the evil in the world that causes people to do these things, but I can at least help educate people to help try and prevent this from happening again!
I know that there are several foundations for abused children, but I believe that there is room for one more. One that goes toward educating people and forcing them to STAND UP. So many children and women die each day from being viciously beaten, they could’ve been saved if people who heard what was going on had Spoken Up. I haven’t quite worked everything out in my head, but I want to teach not only adults, but children as well. Everyone should have the right to life, especially young children who haven’t even begun to live. Children are being abused and no one speaks up, just like Sylvia Likens.
The other foundation is going to be one that educates young woman as to how to defend themselves from abuse, any kind of abuse. To defend against getting kidnapped or raped or murdered. Once again people need to stand up, if they see anything suspicious, but mainly this will go towards help young women everywhere regain power over their lives. Many chauvinistic men are going to say I’m only going towards making all woman to be bitches, but the truth is We can be kind, caring, loving and still know how to defend themselves. Women disappear every day or are murdered by their partners and no one makes a move to really help them, just like Junko Furuta.
I don’t know why these two particular stories seem to have latched themselves onto me, but I feel a connection to these two young women and I think they would others to be educated and helped, like they were not. All I know is that in a different time Sylvia could be my little sister, Hannah or could’ve been my Mom! These women that get tortured and raped and murdered could be our sisters, our mothers, our cousins or friends. And something needs to be done! I am tired of sitting back and watching women I love deal with the abuse they suffer. Stand up and be heard, we are not going to be abused anymore!
Its funny, when I was first talking to my mom about this, I sounded so much more passionate. I told her some of the details that still make me want to throw up, I almost cried, thinking about those two women. Just a little older than Hannah, just a little younger than me. I just want to make people more aware. No more abuse! So this is what I am working on and what I want to accomplish. In a way, this has been a healing experience for me, reading about Junko and Sylvia. It made me realize that we shouldn’t have to live like this, we shouldn’t have to take the abuse. So, let’s try to stop it!
This is going to be FAR more gruesome than my last blog. If you can't handle the truth, then don't read this. Though I hope you all at least attempt to read this, because it may help make you aware of how much what I am about to propose really needs to be done!
Okay, many of you read my last blog about Sylvia Likens and the poem I wrote for her. Her story and one other have touched me and I really want to do something, to help prevent horrible tragedies like theirs from happening anymore.
The other young woman was named Junko Furuta. Ruki from The GazettE wrote a song for her, called Taion. I think that was a beautiful thing to do. These two women (Junko and Sylvia) deserve to have as many people as possible hearing about them. Because NO ONE should ever have to live through what they lived through.
Junko Furuta, 16 year old Japanese Girl. She was kidnapped on the 25th of November, 1988. I would have been two months old. She was held by four different boys from when she was taken to January 5th 1989 when the four boys disposed of her body in a 55 gallon drum filled with cement. The girl was tortured, raped repeatedly and murdered. She might not have died, except the people who knew what was happening to her didn’t do anything to help. IF you can handle the grisly details, here is a website that lists all the things that happened to Junko before she died. If she had lived she would be 36 years old. I hope you do read it, because she deserves to have her story heard as well: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Junko_Furuta
Sylvia Likens, 16 year old Indiana Girl. She was left with a woman named Gertrude Baniszewski, who eventually tortured the young girl to death. Yet again, she could’ve been saved if a neighbor had reported the abuse the she witnessed happening in the Baniszewski house. But she didn’t and no one else did. IF someone had spoken up, Sylvia would be about 60 years old today. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sylvia_Likens)
I want to start two different foundations. One for Junko and one for Sylvia, as no one should EVER have to live through what they did and should never have to die, the way they did. I’m not saying that I can stop the evil in the world that causes people to do these things, but I can at least help educate people to help try and prevent this from happening again!
I know that there are several foundations for abused children, but I believe that there is room for one more. One that goes toward educating people and forcing them to STAND UP. So many children and women die each day from being viciously beaten, they could’ve been saved if people who heard what was going on had Spoken Up. I haven’t quite worked everything out in my head, but I want to teach not only adults, but children as well. Everyone should have the right to life, especially young children who haven’t even begun to live. Children are being abused and no one speaks up, just like Sylvia Likens.
The other foundation is going to be one that educates young woman as to how to defend themselves from abuse, any kind of abuse. To defend against getting kidnapped or raped or murdered. Once again people need to stand up, if they see anything suspicious, but mainly this will go towards help young women everywhere regain power over their lives. Many chauvinistic men are going to say I’m only going towards making all woman to be bitches, but the truth is We can be kind, caring, loving and still know how to defend themselves. Women disappear every day or are murdered by their partners and no one makes a move to really help them, just like Junko Furuta.
I don’t know why these two particular stories seem to have latched themselves onto me, but I feel a connection to these two young women and I think they would others to be educated and helped, like they were not. All I know is that in a different time Sylvia could be my little sister, Hannah or could’ve been my Mom! These women that get tortured and raped and murdered could be our sisters, our mothers, our cousins or friends. And something needs to be done! I am tired of sitting back and watching women I love deal with the abuse they suffer. Stand up and be heard, we are not going to be abused anymore!
Its funny, when I was first talking to my mom about this, I sounded so much more passionate. I told her some of the details that still make me want to throw up, I almost cried, thinking about those two women. Just a little older than Hannah, just a little younger than me. I just want to make people more aware. No more abuse! So this is what I am working on and what I want to accomplish. In a way, this has been a healing experience for me, reading about Junko and Sylvia. It made me realize that we shouldn’t have to live like this, we shouldn’t have to take the abuse. So, let’s try to stop it!
Friday, June 19, 2009
Do NOT read this if you are faint of heart...
This Poem is based on something that actually happened.
Everything I mention, actually happened.
This poem is based on the horrible things that happened to a young woman named Sylvia Likens. She was brutally tortured and abused, and murdered, about an hour from where I live now. That was in 1965.
She was 16.
Go here (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sylvia_Likens) and here (http://www.trutv.com/library/crime/notorious_murders/young/likens/8.html) for more information on this young woman.
I don't know if it helps at all, but I can't help but believe that this young woman deserves to be remembered.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It happened in Indiana
"I'm a prostitute and proud of it!" scrawled in burning letters across her skin,
bruises forming blue and purple spiders that can't scatter away from the light.
Tied to a filthy bed, naked and dying, she can't even avoid soiling herself.
"You can't ever get married... You can't ever undress in front of others..." the
words filter through the unending pain and the torturous days and nights.
The stench of urine and feces permeates her dreaming, the taste of shit in her
mouth makes her gag. Why do they hate her so? What did she ever do to
deserve this abuse? She is shaking, so hungry for real food, hungry for gentility,
hungry for escape. Could she run? Could she escape? Could she convince
someone to help her? She is terrified, because she hears them coming, like
thousands of venomous snakes tasting her fear, eager for her blood, for her pain.
She is swollen, bruised by the forced violations. She is naked again, their leering
eyes dancing over her skin, over the burns and wounds. They are laughing at her,
laughing as her abuser forces her to push the bottle further up. What will happen
next? More scalding baths? More salt in the wounds that they inflict? Or will it be
another forced tattoo?
Is this to be her fate, to die on this filthy mattress, locked in a cellar, in the dark?
She cries, cries for an imagined baby and a mutilated body, for burns and bruises,
for her sister and for herself. Forced into a tub full of scalding water, salt
viciously rubbed into the burns, skin falling off. Her bones jut out at odd angles,
the result of malnutrition. Welts from the belt rise to the surface, eager to show
themselves for what they are.
A 16 year old girl; tortured, submitted to a sexless sex crime and other horrors,
lies dead on a soiled mattress in the dark. The words "I'm a prostitute and proud
of it!" burned into her stomach, a 3 scarred into her chest. Bruises like blue and
purple spiders scattered across her pale flesh, naked and eyes fixed on oblivion.
Her name? Does she even have one? Or is she just a dead girl from Indiana?
Everything I mention, actually happened.
This poem is based on the horrible things that happened to a young woman named Sylvia Likens. She was brutally tortured and abused, and murdered, about an hour from where I live now. That was in 1965.
She was 16.
Go here (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sylvia_Likens) and here (http://www.trutv.com/library/crime/notorious_murders/young/likens/8.html) for more information on this young woman.
I don't know if it helps at all, but I can't help but believe that this young woman deserves to be remembered.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It happened in Indiana
"I'm a prostitute and proud of it!" scrawled in burning letters across her skin,
bruises forming blue and purple spiders that can't scatter away from the light.
Tied to a filthy bed, naked and dying, she can't even avoid soiling herself.
"You can't ever get married... You can't ever undress in front of others..." the
words filter through the unending pain and the torturous days and nights.
The stench of urine and feces permeates her dreaming, the taste of shit in her
mouth makes her gag. Why do they hate her so? What did she ever do to
deserve this abuse? She is shaking, so hungry for real food, hungry for gentility,
hungry for escape. Could she run? Could she escape? Could she convince
someone to help her? She is terrified, because she hears them coming, like
thousands of venomous snakes tasting her fear, eager for her blood, for her pain.
She is swollen, bruised by the forced violations. She is naked again, their leering
eyes dancing over her skin, over the burns and wounds. They are laughing at her,
laughing as her abuser forces her to push the bottle further up. What will happen
next? More scalding baths? More salt in the wounds that they inflict? Or will it be
another forced tattoo?
Is this to be her fate, to die on this filthy mattress, locked in a cellar, in the dark?
She cries, cries for an imagined baby and a mutilated body, for burns and bruises,
for her sister and for herself. Forced into a tub full of scalding water, salt
viciously rubbed into the burns, skin falling off. Her bones jut out at odd angles,
the result of malnutrition. Welts from the belt rise to the surface, eager to show
themselves for what they are.
A 16 year old girl; tortured, submitted to a sexless sex crime and other horrors,
lies dead on a soiled mattress in the dark. The words "I'm a prostitute and proud
of it!" burned into her stomach, a 3 scarred into her chest. Bruises like blue and
purple spiders scattered across her pale flesh, naked and eyes fixed on oblivion.
Her name? Does she even have one? Or is she just a dead girl from Indiana?
A new poem... (dA)
Fri Jun 19, 2009, 3:14 AM
* Mood: Rant
* Reading: about Junko Furuta and Sylvia Likens
Okay, I posted a new poem.
You are forewarned that it is gruesome and it is based on something that actually happened. You have been warned.
Please, comment if you can. Pass this on to people who read poetry, because I feel like this story needs to be told to others, I think other people need to know what happened to this young woman. Not only to prevent it from happening to anyone else ever again, but to remember this young woman, who died horrifically and long before she should have.
Thank you for your support.
Sarai
* Mood: Rant
* Reading: about Junko Furuta and Sylvia Likens
Okay, I posted a new poem.
You are forewarned that it is gruesome and it is based on something that actually happened. You have been warned.
Please, comment if you can. Pass this on to people who read poetry, because I feel like this story needs to be told to others, I think other people need to know what happened to this young woman. Not only to prevent it from happening to anyone else ever again, but to remember this young woman, who died horrifically and long before she should have.
Thank you for your support.
Sarai
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
*Sigh*
I can't quite remember why I was going to write a blog, all I know is that I feel like posting something, because I haven't really posted much recently... I'm really struggling with some stuff right now, most of you probably couldn't tell (I'm not obvious or anything *sarcasm*). I think I was going to try to post something poetic, but now I don't remember what it was... I was looking through my Gackt folder looking at the comments Pomme posted and sighing to myself, thinking about the way things turn out.
What is it inside us that longs for something better when there is nothing that could be better than what you have? Why are we human? What defines us as being humanity?
Scientists would say that it is the fact that we are able to speak, think intellectually and enjoy sexuality for more than just reproductive purposes. We have feelings and can decide to be evil or good... Is that how we are defined?
Humanity has lost control, has spiraled into the depths and then blames God and other humans for the spiral. Are we human because we blame God for our problems? Are we human because we deny God's very existence because we can't see him or feel him? Are we human because we can express our desires and wants, because we can cry out and be heard?
What defines us? How does one go about defining the undefinable? I just can't seem to understand us... Or myself. I don't understand this heart in my chest. I don't understand why I went from sounding like an intellectual adult to an emo sounding child. It's ridiculous. All of it.
No definitions. No explanations. We are what we are, for good or bad, undefinable and undeniably stupid.
What is it inside us that longs for something better when there is nothing that could be better than what you have? Why are we human? What defines us as being humanity?
Scientists would say that it is the fact that we are able to speak, think intellectually and enjoy sexuality for more than just reproductive purposes. We have feelings and can decide to be evil or good... Is that how we are defined?
Humanity has lost control, has spiraled into the depths and then blames God and other humans for the spiral. Are we human because we blame God for our problems? Are we human because we deny God's very existence because we can't see him or feel him? Are we human because we can express our desires and wants, because we can cry out and be heard?
What defines us? How does one go about defining the undefinable? I just can't seem to understand us... Or myself. I don't understand this heart in my chest. I don't understand why I went from sounding like an intellectual adult to an emo sounding child. It's ridiculous. All of it.
No definitions. No explanations. We are what we are, for good or bad, undefinable and undeniably stupid.
Monday, June 15, 2009
The Weekend... SUCKED (dA)
Mon Jun 15, 2009, 1:35 PM
* Mood: Rant
* Listening to: Goodbye My Heart - Jisun
* Reading: Sebastian by Anne Bishop
* Eating: Homemade Bread
* Drinking: Orangette
That's right, I was all :bounce: and :w00t: about last weekend... Then EVERYTHING WENT WRONG!
In my last journal I was having troubles sleeping... I got 1 1/2 hours total sleep that night, because I finally fell asleep at 9am and my little sister's phone went off at 10:30... and it kept going off every time I was almost out again... Pissed me off! But I thought, no big deal... I'll be tired but I can still go to Shakespeare tonight... No problem.
Then Problems arise.
I started feeling really dizzy and nauseous. SO I took my anti-vertigo meds and thought "That problem is solved", but NO! Instead of making the dizziness better and making it go away, it made it worse so that I wasn't able to stay up right. Then my stomach started cramping really, really bad and I ended up staying in the bathroom (lovely vacation spot that one... a must see for anyone within the region of the porcelain gods.) most of the day and NOT going to see Shakespeare.
Then Saturday I get a horrible urinary tract infection, bordering on Kidney stone pain so that I, once again, spent the entirety of my day in the bathroom. So I didn't get to go and see Corbin and Kendra.
Not to mention that Friday Mom had court... We had some good stuff happen there though. Wes brought up the fact that he didn't like Hannah being alone with Donnie and/or Chris (which she NEVER IS!). Mom said she understood that, but she didn't like the fact that Hannah was alone with Barry all the time... The judge asked Wes if Barry was his partner and he stammered a no... (that makes me giggle!) and then the judge said Hannah is not to be left alone with Barry ever again. :w00t: And if Mom is consistent with her weekly visits, then the judge will not change the way things are now. She also ordered Wes to answer the phone when Mom tries to call him and not to try to force her to only e-mail. She said they have to be in direct contact via phone for this to work.
The problems arise after that where the Judge said that Hannah is not to be left at home if Christopher is there. Meaning, even if Donnie and I are present it doesn't matter. She doesn't want Hannah with Chris unless Mom is there to supervise. So Chris has basically become Mom's shadow when Hannah is here, because he has to go with her since he isn't allowed to stay home if Hannah won't go.
The other thing is, no one is allowed to stay in Hannah's room except Hannah. So Chris, who was sharing said room with Hannah when Hannah wasn't here, has to sleep on the couch all the time instead of when Hannah is here. Poor kid has slept like crap ever since. It inconveniences all of us, but if we eventually get Hannah back then it is worth it.
SO that was the weekend... I'm outie for now...
How are you?!
* Mood: Rant
* Listening to: Goodbye My Heart - Jisun
* Reading: Sebastian by Anne Bishop
* Eating: Homemade Bread
* Drinking: Orangette
That's right, I was all :bounce: and :w00t: about last weekend... Then EVERYTHING WENT WRONG!
In my last journal I was having troubles sleeping... I got 1 1/2 hours total sleep that night, because I finally fell asleep at 9am and my little sister's phone went off at 10:30... and it kept going off every time I was almost out again... Pissed me off! But I thought, no big deal... I'll be tired but I can still go to Shakespeare tonight... No problem.
Then Problems arise.
I started feeling really dizzy and nauseous. SO I took my anti-vertigo meds and thought "That problem is solved", but NO! Instead of making the dizziness better and making it go away, it made it worse so that I wasn't able to stay up right. Then my stomach started cramping really, really bad and I ended up staying in the bathroom (lovely vacation spot that one... a must see for anyone within the region of the porcelain gods.) most of the day and NOT going to see Shakespeare.
Then Saturday I get a horrible urinary tract infection, bordering on Kidney stone pain so that I, once again, spent the entirety of my day in the bathroom. So I didn't get to go and see Corbin and Kendra.
Not to mention that Friday Mom had court... We had some good stuff happen there though. Wes brought up the fact that he didn't like Hannah being alone with Donnie and/or Chris (which she NEVER IS!). Mom said she understood that, but she didn't like the fact that Hannah was alone with Barry all the time... The judge asked Wes if Barry was his partner and he stammered a no... (that makes me giggle!) and then the judge said Hannah is not to be left alone with Barry ever again. :w00t: And if Mom is consistent with her weekly visits, then the judge will not change the way things are now. She also ordered Wes to answer the phone when Mom tries to call him and not to try to force her to only e-mail. She said they have to be in direct contact via phone for this to work.
The problems arise after that where the Judge said that Hannah is not to be left at home if Christopher is there. Meaning, even if Donnie and I are present it doesn't matter. She doesn't want Hannah with Chris unless Mom is there to supervise. So Chris has basically become Mom's shadow when Hannah is here, because he has to go with her since he isn't allowed to stay home if Hannah won't go.
The other thing is, no one is allowed to stay in Hannah's room except Hannah. So Chris, who was sharing said room with Hannah when Hannah wasn't here, has to sleep on the couch all the time instead of when Hannah is here. Poor kid has slept like crap ever since. It inconveniences all of us, but if we eventually get Hannah back then it is worth it.
SO that was the weekend... I'm outie for now...
How are you?!
Friday, June 12, 2009
Not Sleeping... ... ... Again... (dA)
Fri Jun 12, 2009, 5:39 AM
* Mood: Frustrated
* Listening to: Goodbye My Heart - Jisun
* Reading: Sebastian by Anne Bishop
* Playing: Restaurant City on Facebook
* Eating: Cookies
* Drinking: Mountain Lightning
God, I fucking hate Insomnia!! I fell asleep at like 6pm last night and woke up at 9pm and haven't been back to sleep yet. Sucks. Oh well... have been working on patching my pants and decorating them... if you are curious as to whether or not they are the same sparkly pants I was working on when i was in OK, you would be correct! Good guess!! *pat on the back*
Anyway, today is Shakespeare in the park and I am mucho excited... also today is the court hearing. That is at 11am. Hopefully I will have gotten some sleep by then. One never knows.
Wrote something, it sucks, but oh well... I like the idea, it just needs to be re-written when I have more inspiration. Right now I am more focused on sewing and getting my pants fixed up and looking decent. Will post pics if I can get a camera.
later loves!
* Mood: Frustrated
* Listening to: Goodbye My Heart - Jisun
* Reading: Sebastian by Anne Bishop
* Playing: Restaurant City on Facebook
* Eating: Cookies
* Drinking: Mountain Lightning
God, I fucking hate Insomnia!! I fell asleep at like 6pm last night and woke up at 9pm and haven't been back to sleep yet. Sucks. Oh well... have been working on patching my pants and decorating them... if you are curious as to whether or not they are the same sparkly pants I was working on when i was in OK, you would be correct! Good guess!! *pat on the back*
Anyway, today is Shakespeare in the park and I am mucho excited... also today is the court hearing. That is at 11am. Hopefully I will have gotten some sleep by then. One never knows.
Wrote something, it sucks, but oh well... I like the idea, it just needs to be re-written when I have more inspiration. Right now I am more focused on sewing and getting my pants fixed up and looking decent. Will post pics if I can get a camera.
later loves!
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
This Weekend... (dA)
Tue Jun 9, 2009, 1:34 PM
* Mood: Bemused
* Listening to: Pretty Little Angel - IAMX
* Reading: Sebastian by Anne Bishop
* Watching: Pan's Labyrinth and A Tale of Two Sisters
* Playing: Hexic
* Eating: Cookies 'n' Cream Ice Cream
* Drinking: Mountain Lighning
Is it fair to say that I can't wait for this weekend? Because I totally can't!
This weekend is the second week of Shakespeare in the Park here in Bloomington. And the boyfriend and I are going to go with another couple. Though, Donnie says that double dates defeat the purpose of a date. :XD:
I went to both performances last weekend with other friends and I just have to say that they are doing a marvelous job so far. It is a Shakespeare Sampler, meaning there are scenes from many different Plays written by William Shakespeare. They all tell you when the play was written and the gist of the play. And, in-between scenes, they present the first five lines of "To be or not to Be" from Hamlet in several different languages. Including: Hungarian, French, Spanish, Japanese and German.
The Actors are excellent and the choices in scenes is impeccable. I wish that my friends on here were in Indiana so that you could see it with me. The show is free and you sit in the beautiful park and listen to Shakespeare. An Ideal Date, if you ask me. Then again I am in LOVE with Shakespeare!! :XD: He makes me so weak in the knees :giggle:
And, even though they didn't do any scenes from my favorite Shakespeare play, the scenes they chose were not only humorous but full of drama and death and romance like only Shakespeare can produce.
My personal favorite play by Shakespeare is Othello, which will be performed in September. If I'm in Indiana long enough I might try my hand at it. :D Anyway, WEEKEND HURRY UP FOR ME!!
Oh, not only am I going to see Shakespeare, I am going to be getting to see my god-son, Corbin, for the first time. Admittedly, I don't know why my friend continues to call me his God-mother, since I ended up having kidney stones and wasn't even there for the birth. And I haven't gotten to visit him once since his arrival into the World. Did I mention that he was born in SEPTEMBER?! And now it is JUNE! I haven't seen the child yet and he'll be a year old in a few months!! Ah well...
But I do get to see him this Saturday and I'll be visiting until probably Tuesday or Wednesday which gives me a few days to get acquainted with my god-baby. I am excited!!
I am also excited because I got "Pan's Labyrinth" and "A Tale of Two Sistes" from the library yesterday and I fully intend on watching one or both of them tonight if possible.
On a more solemn note, one reason for the Weekend NOT to come is that this weekend my ex-step-father is taking my mom back to court to try to have Hannah permanently taken away from us. Well, not so permanent, but definitely impede our being an active part of her life. He wants our mid-week visits removed, our joint legal custody changed to him having full legal custody and our 3 months that we are supposed to have Hannah (since it summer time) knocked down to 2 weeks. So, anyone who believes in prayers and faith, keep us in your thoughts.
Well I'm off of here to try to read and see if I can't conjure a muse for me. Toodles! :D
* Mood: Bemused
* Listening to: Pretty Little Angel - IAMX
* Reading: Sebastian by Anne Bishop
* Watching: Pan's Labyrinth and A Tale of Two Sisters
* Playing: Hexic
* Eating: Cookies 'n' Cream Ice Cream
* Drinking: Mountain Lighning
Is it fair to say that I can't wait for this weekend? Because I totally can't!
This weekend is the second week of Shakespeare in the Park here in Bloomington. And the boyfriend and I are going to go with another couple. Though, Donnie says that double dates defeat the purpose of a date. :XD:
I went to both performances last weekend with other friends and I just have to say that they are doing a marvelous job so far. It is a Shakespeare Sampler, meaning there are scenes from many different Plays written by William Shakespeare. They all tell you when the play was written and the gist of the play. And, in-between scenes, they present the first five lines of "To be or not to Be" from Hamlet in several different languages. Including: Hungarian, French, Spanish, Japanese and German.
The Actors are excellent and the choices in scenes is impeccable. I wish that my friends on here were in Indiana so that you could see it with me. The show is free and you sit in the beautiful park and listen to Shakespeare. An Ideal Date, if you ask me. Then again I am in LOVE with Shakespeare!! :XD: He makes me so weak in the knees :giggle:
And, even though they didn't do any scenes from my favorite Shakespeare play, the scenes they chose were not only humorous but full of drama and death and romance like only Shakespeare can produce.
My personal favorite play by Shakespeare is Othello, which will be performed in September. If I'm in Indiana long enough I might try my hand at it. :D Anyway, WEEKEND HURRY UP FOR ME!!
Oh, not only am I going to see Shakespeare, I am going to be getting to see my god-son, Corbin, for the first time. Admittedly, I don't know why my friend continues to call me his God-mother, since I ended up having kidney stones and wasn't even there for the birth. And I haven't gotten to visit him once since his arrival into the World. Did I mention that he was born in SEPTEMBER?! And now it is JUNE! I haven't seen the child yet and he'll be a year old in a few months!! Ah well...
But I do get to see him this Saturday and I'll be visiting until probably Tuesday or Wednesday which gives me a few days to get acquainted with my god-baby. I am excited!!
I am also excited because I got "Pan's Labyrinth" and "A Tale of Two Sistes" from the library yesterday and I fully intend on watching one or both of them tonight if possible.
On a more solemn note, one reason for the Weekend NOT to come is that this weekend my ex-step-father is taking my mom back to court to try to have Hannah permanently taken away from us. Well, not so permanent, but definitely impede our being an active part of her life. He wants our mid-week visits removed, our joint legal custody changed to him having full legal custody and our 3 months that we are supposed to have Hannah (since it summer time) knocked down to 2 weeks. So, anyone who believes in prayers and faith, keep us in your thoughts.
Well I'm off of here to try to read and see if I can't conjure a muse for me. Toodles! :D
Monday, June 8, 2009
Hung Up On Bitter-Sweet
Dear _____,
I wanted to write you a letter, to explain what I'm feeling right now, but I can't bring myself to enter into the beauty that is your life now. I don't understand any of it, I loved you so much. I don't understand why you ended up with her, but I hear that you are happy, I know you have a child now. I can't help but think sometimes that that child might have been mine had things been very different. We could've been happy, but you never said anything, you never spoke to me or told me how you felt. Why didn't you speak up? I know you cared for me too! You expressed it in so many unspoken ways and I thought, finally, someone looked beyond the flesh and saw the me that was sitting inside the prison of my body. But I guess not now. I guess that was just another lie in a long list of sins.
I wanted to tell you how much I hate to hear your name now because I feel like crying every time I think about you. I wanted to tell you all the feelings welling up inside of me and why they are there. I wish I could, but I can't bring myself to hurt her like that. Even though we haven't been friends in years, I can't help but try to be kind to her. I loved her once, you know. I called her friend at one time, before all of this has fallen onto the jagged rocks of reality. I just don't understand you. I know the reasons, I hate the reasons. Why did you ask him, when you must have known what he would say? I would have given it all up, you know. I would've given up all those dreams, all those hopes if you had said something. I hate that you never actually spoke up, professed some feelings for me. Why?
Instead, here I am, heart-broken thinking about the times we had together, when you actually seemed to care. I have to know, I want to know. Do you love her? Or did you marry her because they said she was perfect for you? Do you treat her well? Does she love you or did she just marry you because you were perfect too? And why is it wrong to believe like I do? Why should belief tear people apart when it should bring them together? I don't regret not having you, I am in love with someone now, but it still hurts so. Some days it's like you tore my heart and then shoved it back upside down and backwards. You can't force a square into a circle and you can't force my heart back in when you've already disfigured it like you have.
So, I guess this is goodbye love. I am slowly getting over you and the pain that I didn't know could exist. Did you know that sometimes the longing for someone you loved so passionately once can put a bitter taste on the world until even the beautiful things that you have going have that bitter-sweetness to them? Do you still love me? Did you ever really care about me or did I just imagine that you actually loved me once? I wish I could ask, but I don't want to destroy what you have. Maybe we never would've been happy, maybe we wouldn't have lasted long, but God, I wish I had at least had that chance to find out. I don't understand why it hurts so much, I really don't. I do love him, he is amazing. He is sweet and loving and smart. He is everything that you were and yet different and brilliant with his own mix of spice and sweet. There is pain and there is joy and I don't understand why I'm still so hung up on the pain you caused.
Dearest of hearts, I know it wasn't meant to be. Don't worry, I'm going to be okay. I wish you happiness with her. I sincerely hope that you love her, that you actually care and that you are kind to her. I love you enough to let you go this last time, even though I never really wanted to in the first place.
Sincerely and best wishes.
_____ _. ______
I wanted to write you a letter, to explain what I'm feeling right now, but I can't bring myself to enter into the beauty that is your life now. I don't understand any of it, I loved you so much. I don't understand why you ended up with her, but I hear that you are happy, I know you have a child now. I can't help but think sometimes that that child might have been mine had things been very different. We could've been happy, but you never said anything, you never spoke to me or told me how you felt. Why didn't you speak up? I know you cared for me too! You expressed it in so many unspoken ways and I thought, finally, someone looked beyond the flesh and saw the me that was sitting inside the prison of my body. But I guess not now. I guess that was just another lie in a long list of sins.
I wanted to tell you how much I hate to hear your name now because I feel like crying every time I think about you. I wanted to tell you all the feelings welling up inside of me and why they are there. I wish I could, but I can't bring myself to hurt her like that. Even though we haven't been friends in years, I can't help but try to be kind to her. I loved her once, you know. I called her friend at one time, before all of this has fallen onto the jagged rocks of reality. I just don't understand you. I know the reasons, I hate the reasons. Why did you ask him, when you must have known what he would say? I would have given it all up, you know. I would've given up all those dreams, all those hopes if you had said something. I hate that you never actually spoke up, professed some feelings for me. Why?
Instead, here I am, heart-broken thinking about the times we had together, when you actually seemed to care. I have to know, I want to know. Do you love her? Or did you marry her because they said she was perfect for you? Do you treat her well? Does she love you or did she just marry you because you were perfect too? And why is it wrong to believe like I do? Why should belief tear people apart when it should bring them together? I don't regret not having you, I am in love with someone now, but it still hurts so. Some days it's like you tore my heart and then shoved it back upside down and backwards. You can't force a square into a circle and you can't force my heart back in when you've already disfigured it like you have.
So, I guess this is goodbye love. I am slowly getting over you and the pain that I didn't know could exist. Did you know that sometimes the longing for someone you loved so passionately once can put a bitter taste on the world until even the beautiful things that you have going have that bitter-sweetness to them? Do you still love me? Did you ever really care about me or did I just imagine that you actually loved me once? I wish I could ask, but I don't want to destroy what you have. Maybe we never would've been happy, maybe we wouldn't have lasted long, but God, I wish I had at least had that chance to find out. I don't understand why it hurts so much, I really don't. I do love him, he is amazing. He is sweet and loving and smart. He is everything that you were and yet different and brilliant with his own mix of spice and sweet. There is pain and there is joy and I don't understand why I'm still so hung up on the pain you caused.
Dearest of hearts, I know it wasn't meant to be. Don't worry, I'm going to be okay. I wish you happiness with her. I sincerely hope that you love her, that you actually care and that you are kind to her. I love you enough to let you go this last time, even though I never really wanted to in the first place.
Sincerely and best wishes.
_____ _. ______
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Beautiful Pain (dA)
Sun Jun 7, 2009, 11:57 PM
* Mood: Tearful
* Listening to: The Fame - Lady Gaga
* Reading: The House of Gaian by Anne Bishop
* Watching: Ringu 2
* Playing: out the cards of life as they are dealt
* Eating: hamburger meat
* Drinking: Soda
Okay, 2 new posts for me. One is written to someone who will never read it and one is about me always feeling inferior. I hope you enjoy and comment or favorite. I am trying to see if I would ever be awesome enough for a daily deviation. That would be cool. :XD: Oh well, guess I'll wait my time...
Anyway, I will be okay, I'm a little teary, but I'll be good soon. I'm getting ready to go to bed and then I'll sleep off the tears that I've been suppressing for a while now. From what I understand that isn't good.
I feel like all the stuff I've been posting recently has all been really shitty compared to my other stuff. I feel like I used to be an intellectual, looking at the world in my kaleidoscope and expressing what I saw in abstract phrases and colorful words. Now I just feel shitty and emo... like nothing I write is good at all. Maybe some day I'll get my vibe back, or not. One never knows...
Laterz to everyone in DeviantArt land...
* Mood: Tearful
* Listening to: The Fame - Lady Gaga
* Reading: The House of Gaian by Anne Bishop
* Watching: Ringu 2
* Playing: out the cards of life as they are dealt
* Eating: hamburger meat
* Drinking: Soda
Okay, 2 new posts for me. One is written to someone who will never read it and one is about me always feeling inferior. I hope you enjoy and comment or favorite. I am trying to see if I would ever be awesome enough for a daily deviation. That would be cool. :XD: Oh well, guess I'll wait my time...
Anyway, I will be okay, I'm a little teary, but I'll be good soon. I'm getting ready to go to bed and then I'll sleep off the tears that I've been suppressing for a while now. From what I understand that isn't good.
I feel like all the stuff I've been posting recently has all been really shitty compared to my other stuff. I feel like I used to be an intellectual, looking at the world in my kaleidoscope and expressing what I saw in abstract phrases and colorful words. Now I just feel shitty and emo... like nothing I write is good at all. Maybe some day I'll get my vibe back, or not. One never knows...
Laterz to everyone in DeviantArt land...
Miss Inferiority Complex
He pushes the limits. He crests the brinks and edges of my reality,
forcing my eyes up and kisses my lips like they are the sweetest.
"Stop brushing away the tears, Miss Inferiority Complex," he says.
"Stop your crying, because I love you no matter how you look."
He stands outside my walls, screaming protests in my eardrums,
demanding that he be let inside and threatening to tear it down.
"Don't leave me out here, Miss Inferiority Complex," he says.
"Don't let this be the end of us, because I love you no matter what."
He breaks down the walls, he invades my space, he breaks my heart
and stitches me back together. Opening the places that I had hidden.
"Let me love you, Miss Inferiority Complex, let me in," he says.
"Let me help you, darling, because I love you for you, forever."
So I let him in, I let him caress me and I let him break down the walls,
wipe away the tears. In the end I am who I am, but he still loves me.
forcing my eyes up and kisses my lips like they are the sweetest.
"Stop brushing away the tears, Miss Inferiority Complex," he says.
"Stop your crying, because I love you no matter how you look."
He stands outside my walls, screaming protests in my eardrums,
demanding that he be let inside and threatening to tear it down.
"Don't leave me out here, Miss Inferiority Complex," he says.
"Don't let this be the end of us, because I love you no matter what."
He breaks down the walls, he invades my space, he breaks my heart
and stitches me back together. Opening the places that I had hidden.
"Let me love you, Miss Inferiority Complex, let me in," he says.
"Let me help you, darling, because I love you for you, forever."
So I let him in, I let him caress me and I let him break down the walls,
wipe away the tears. In the end I am who I am, but he still loves me.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Insanely Crazy and Crazy Insane (dA)
Thu Jun 4, 2009, 7:45 PM
* Mood: Suffering
* Listening to: the voices inside my head argue
* Reading: The House of Gaian by Anne Bishop
* Watching: Monk
* Drinking: Kool-Aid
Hello everyone!! How is it going?
I'm depressed as hell, but you know what? I'll get over it eventually right? Nothing a little counseling and some heavy duty medication can't cure? Right? RIGHT? God, I'm an idiot... anyway...
Nothing interesting going on right now, trying to write some new stuff, but failing. Miserably.
Head is aching and body is drained and I just want a big bucket of popcorn chicken, but can't afford it... Do you know what I mean? Still looking for a job, still looking for sanity in a shitty and insane world.
On June 12th we go back to court, because Bastard wants to take away every right my mother has to my sister. He is so two-faced and such a liar, he is so full of it. I fucking hate all of this, but there isn't a damn thing I can do about, which also pisses me off. And does nothing for my depression...
Plus, I think too much and too hard for my own good. HELP ME!! *sigh*
* Mood: Suffering
* Listening to: the voices inside my head argue
* Reading: The House of Gaian by Anne Bishop
* Watching: Monk
* Drinking: Kool-Aid
Hello everyone!! How is it going?
I'm depressed as hell, but you know what? I'll get over it eventually right? Nothing a little counseling and some heavy duty medication can't cure? Right? RIGHT? God, I'm an idiot... anyway...
Nothing interesting going on right now, trying to write some new stuff, but failing. Miserably.
Head is aching and body is drained and I just want a big bucket of popcorn chicken, but can't afford it... Do you know what I mean? Still looking for a job, still looking for sanity in a shitty and insane world.
On June 12th we go back to court, because Bastard wants to take away every right my mother has to my sister. He is so two-faced and such a liar, he is so full of it. I fucking hate all of this, but there isn't a damn thing I can do about, which also pisses me off. And does nothing for my depression...
Plus, I think too much and too hard for my own good. HELP ME!! *sigh*
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