The Second Update for the Olympics!!

Hello One and All!!! This is the second week of Updates for the Sex Olympics!!!
I know that you all have been on the edges of your seats, eager to find out more from our field reporter. I am afraid however that our reporter was attacked by an angry trans-gender badger on crack and is in the hospital... He was able to give us a partial update right before the attack, but that was caught on fire by the crack smoking badger... So, I'll give you what I have:

Sarai seems to have caught up enough to have qualified for the last round of the games (which will air on Nov. 1st). She won three medals this round including:
-The Silver Medal for Perfect Performance with Mickey from DBSK
-The Gold Medal for Vocals with Bi Rain
and...
-The Bronze Medal for Most Creative Positions with Attack from the TRAX

The Virgin Pomegranate trails behind The Champion Fawn by ONE Gold Medal.
She won:
-The Gold Medal for Perfect Performance with Hero of DBSK
-The Gold Medal for Technique with Xiah of DBSK
-The Gold Medal for Precision with All of DBSK
and...
-The Silver Medal for Most Creative Positions with Typhoon from the TRAX

The Fawn has the following medals for this past week:
-The Gold Medal for Most Creative Positions with Rose formerly of the TRAX
-The Gold Medal for Form with Se7en
-The Gold Medal for Duration with Typhoon from the TRAX
and...
-The Gold Medal for Perfection in all Categories with all the members of DBSK

Next week will be the final update for the Sex Olympics. We will declare the winner based upon the most medals one in the three weeks of work.
Stay tuned!!

Last Song

*disclaimer*
I don't know how accurate the below lyrical translation is. I hope it is right.

Translation

Walking around aimlessly by myself

Breathing a faint sigh, my breath turns white

Seasons change, and in this fleeting season..

My tears fall for no reason

"Even now, I still love you

Falling sadness transforms into pure white snow

I'm always looking at the sky above me

Before this body disappears, I want to reach the wish I have now

Once more, I want to hold you

How many times have we not understood and hurt eachother

But even at those times, we were still gentle

Engraved on the ring that you suddenly gave back to me

..Was our promise that will never come true

"Even now, I remember..

These far off thoughts are just brilliant flashes in my memory

I wanted to be next to you

Even though I can't see you anymore, I'll always be next to you

I never want you to change



I can't erase those last tears that you showed me [from my memory]



In your heart, if I disappear along with all these snowflakes

I want to bloom [in your heart once again]

Don't forget the warmth of us being close together, and hugging

Don't forget even if you love someone else

I'll never let go [of the memory] of when I heard your voice last and so

..I just want to fall into a deep sleep

Continuously falling sadness transforms into pure white snow

I'm always looking at the sky above me

Before this body disappears, I want to reach the wish I have now

I want to hold you once more

"I want to hold you once more"

Sick of the Drama (dA)

Journal Entry: Thu Oct 23, 2008, 10:07 AM

• Mood: Rant
• Listening to: This will make you love Again - IAMX
• Reading: the bullshit she wrote about this fucked up thing
• Watching: Johnny Depp
• Playing: IAMX
• Eating: Ramen
• Drinking: lemonade

I don't want to post this to my MySpace blog because the person will read it. Maybe I should post it there so that they will .

I am sick of people who continuously victimize themselves. They refuse to seek any type of help or counseling for what has happened to them and keep the wound fresh by peeling back the mental scabs. If you are refusing to heal, then I am done listening to you talk. I have listened to your problems and given you solutions. If you don't want the solutions then there is nothing else I can do for you.

I understand that everyone goes through an attention seeking phase. I went through it too. But doesn't anyone else but me get tired of the way they behave during that period in time? I was so sick of myself during that time that I stopped myself from acting like that. It is a conscious decision to change and YOU need to make it.

I am sorry that shitty things happened to you. Shitty things happen to everyone. I have had bad things happen to me (ask anyone on DeviantArt who watches me or ask any of my friends on MySpace.). I've been through hell too, but you don't see me threatening to kill myself every five minutes or continuously saying "I Give Up". You can't give up every time something bad happens. If everyone did that there would be nobody left on earth.

Basically it comes down to this: Stop being pedantic and whiny about your problems. If you don't want to try and get through this, then don't. Frankly, my dear, I no longer give a damn. Do what you like, but leave me out of it. I am tired of your drama over things that aren't that dramatic and refusing to utilize the solutions I give you.

If you aren't going to take any of my advice (which has been proven to work) then don't complain to me about your shit. I've heard it before and I've given you the tools to fix it. Either fix it or shut the fuck up.

I love you, but I am sick of your drama.

All Soul's Night (dA)

Journal Entry: Tue Oct 21, 2008, 10:23 PM

• Mood: Questionable
• Listening to: The Negative Sex - IAMX
• Reading: my own mind!
• Watching: Sarah Palin make an ass of herself...
• Playing: IAMX
• Eating: Ramen as per usual... Do I ever eat anything else?
• Drinking: is bad for your health... *drinks a screwdriver*

So, as many of you know, Halloween is fast approaching. What am I doing you may ask? Well, I'm not doing much. I'm normally very sensitive (if you need an explanation as to what that means write me) and therefore avoid going out on All Hallow's Eve. This year is going to be a little different.

I am going to have a party at my mom's apartment... (yes, I'm still not back in Oklahoma and YES it sucks like hell) Basically everyone who comes is going to bring a bag of candy and a few bucks to help pay for pizza and drinks. We are going to watch scary movies and then go for a midnight (or close to midnight) walk on a forest-y bike trail that is behind the apartment complex. That is it. I'm not going to any graveyards, Halloween is the only day I don't visit the dead. *shakes head*

I am a tad nervous as is, but oh well. I want to have some fun and my friends want me to be social. So SOCIAL it is. *sigh*

Moving on: New short poem. Haven't had much inspiration recently. Besides, have been incredibly distracted by this gorgeous creature I call my boyfriend. Okay, he isn't gorgeous per say, but he is mine so I think he is. And I've been busy applying my ass off at random stores/business trying to find a source of income so that I can do one of two things:
A) Get the hell out of my mom's house
or...
B) Get my ass back to OK.

*sigh* Why is life so hectic?! And why do we need money for everything?! Why can't it be free? Be like this: "Oh, hello Sarai, you are looking lovely today. Would you like a free apartment and you don't have to pay for anything in it or for it?" or "Sarai, would you like free tickets to Japan? There is a lovely little spot waiting for you near Gackt's house and you and your boyfriend can live comfortably for a really long time and never have to pay a dime for anything."

WHY CAN'T IT BE THAT SIMPLE!?

Oh well. Am to tired to be freaking about all this. Welcome to my insanity.

BTW, not to be a shameless plug whore but you should listen to IAMX. HE ROCKS MY FUCKING SOCKS!!! Especially The Negative Sex. Everything I have ever thought about or even dreamt of thinking about he has sung. *sigh* He is Love. Fucking Love. *huggles herself*

okay, seriously, go away! This journal is over. Go do something else now! SHOO!! *throws a shoe at you all*

Sheesh, you'd think they were stalking me the way they keep reading these damn things... I think my language has gotten out of control... *wanders off pondering the meaning of language and sex and religion and all that spins the globe on its hinges*

Thank You’s

I just want to say thank you to all my fantastic friends, because they are Amazing people.

They hold me up when I am at my weakest
They lend me their shoulders when I need to cry
They lend me money when I'm broke
They offer to take me places when I can't get there on my own
They send me messages when I feel lonely
They come over and just sit with me when I'm bored
They call at just the right moments to let me know that they are thinking about me
They offer to kill people for me
They build up my self-esteem
They make me go with them even when I don't feel like it
They make me smile
They give the best hugs and always know when I need one
They are INSANE and CRAZY and they make me giggle-snort
They put up with my Insanity
They embarrass me
They make me strong
They help me up when I've fallen down, after they stop laughing of course
They are some of the most AMAZING people I know and I am so grateful to have you all. Thank you for everything you do, everything you say, every hug, every time you have leant me your shoulders. THANK YOU!!!

Now, today has been most productive!! I am actually having a much better day today then when I posted my last blog. And I appreciate all the comments of encouragement on the last one. I really do appreciate you guys, even if I don't always show it.

Today I have gone out and gotten applications, tomorrow I will turn them in.
I have finished all my paper applications for the following places:
- Aldi's
- Fairfield Inn (This one has already been turned in)
- Jo-Ann Fabrics
- Goodwill
- Homewood Suites
- Movie Gallery
- Barnes & Noble

I have to fill out the following applications online:
- Borders
- CVS
- Sam's Club
- Wal-Mart

And either Tomorrow or Wednesday I am going to pick up applications from the following:
- Hobby Lobby
- Michael's
- Showplace 12 and 11
- And any other place that I might be interested in!

Also, I called up a former employer of mine to see if she would be needing my services again. I used to baby-sit and clean for her. I left her a message with my newest house number so that she can call me back and let me know. Tomorrow I have to work for my Aunt and at the Book Store. Then on my way home from work I will drop off my already finished applications.

Other things I need to accomplish this week include:
- Setting up a doctor's appointment at the Volunteers In Medicine Clinic
- Look for apartments in all the areas that I applied so that I know price ranges and general locations in case I get a job in any of the places I applied
- Get a bus schedule
- Call up my friends about the Halloween Party I'm having on October 31st
- Finish planning the party

If anyone needs me, you all know where to find me. *huggles*

The Blame, let it fall on Me

Lately it seems as if all of the problems existing within this house are resting firmly and unwaveringly upon my burdened shoulders. I don't know what is going to happen with me, but I've had enough of this bullshit. I am tired of feeling like everything is my fault. Even though I know it isn't.

It isn't my fault that my mother's marriage has fallen apart, it isn't my fault that we are losing Hannah, it isn't my fault that I fell in love and it isn't my fault that He is the way he is. I don't want to change him, I'm not going to break up with him and I'm tired of feeling like I have to fix everything!!!

I CAN'T Fix everyone's problems. I can't change anyone's life and I can't even begin to help if they aren't willing to help themselves first. Hell, I can't even fix my own damn problems, what makes me think I can help anyone else?

I'm tired of being judged by everyone and I'm tired of feeling like my mother blames me for some of the shit going on. I may just be overreacting, but she is trying to blame herself for actions that belong to me. Or at least she is saying that Wes is going to blame my actions on her. My actions rest upon my shoulders and mine alone, but they are not to blame for all this bullshit that is going on. I don't want to be blamed for anything anymore. I am tired of crying on his shoulder over this shit. I am tired of feeling worthless and useless and full of guilt for things that have nothing to do with me.

I know, I'm rambling, but I am sick of it.

And I'm worried. I am scared and unsure of what my next move should be. I don't know what to do about Hannah. I am worried that if we lose her that my mother will take her own life. She has hinted at it. And it scares me. The other reasons for my fear shall remain my own for now, only because i don't know how to explain them here. I don't know how to express what is going on here or how to deal with it either.

Monday I am going to put in applications to try and find a job, then I am going to make some doctor's appointments. Then I am going to try and find an apartment for myself and Donnie. I can't live with my mother anymore and I am not quite ready to go back to Oklahoma, so here I am until then.

Re-named!

Yes, its true. My breasts got re-named by my friend, Sakuya, today as did Pomme's. Sakuya decided that our breasts needed re-naming so he re-named them.

Mine were formally Daniel and David and now: French and Revolution.
Pomme's didn't have names but they are now: Ladder and Melon.

That is all.

1st Set of Updates for the OLYMPICS!!!

This is the first week of updates from the annual SEX OLYMPICS!!!

So far we have "The Virgin" Pomegranate in the lead. So far she has won
- The Tora-Whore Award for perfect form in taking the beloved guitarist of Alice Nine
- The Gold for Best Tongue Action for her time with Kai of the GazettE
and...
- The Virgin Medal for her perfection in all categories with Ryo, the drummer of Girugamesh.

She is followed closely by Fawn "The Reigning Champion" who has so far won the
- Best hide-sex medal in her attempts to copy the beloved star.
and...
- The Gold medal for Stamina after taking on the ENTIRE GazettE in ONE day.

And following in last is Sarai, winning the
- Silver medal for Stamina after taking on Girugamesh in one day.
and...
- the Silver medal for Best Tongue Action with Nao of Alice Nine

Sarai seems to not be quite up to snuff this year after her vagina stubbing incident with Kamijo of Versailles -Philharmonic Quintet-. (THANK YOU SARAH SILVERMAN!!!) Maybe she can make it up in this next week of activities.

Stay tuned, because you know you want to!! *dances off stage*

My Wedding and how AWESOME it is going to be...

Okay, before anyone starts freaking out and calling me wondering what is going on, I am NOT getting married. Yet. I'm not going to deny that Donnie and I have talked about getting married, because we have. But we have both said that we want to wait a few years before we decide to take that all to important step into the future.

So, those of you who know me really (REALLY) well know that I planned my entire wedding about 2 years ago, the only thing that was missing was a groom. Since I don't want to freak Donnie out I have refrained from adding him to it. *giggle* Anyway, moving on, I drew out the dresses for myself, my bridesmaids and my flower girl, and even drew out the suits for the groom, groomsmen and bible-boy/ring-bearer (If you have a question about "bible-boy", then just send me a message). I am hoping that at some point I'm going to be able to actually scan my original drawings/plans and put them up for everyone to see.

ANYWAY, moving on... SO I was looking over my Wedding Plans while working at the bookstore and I began thinking about who was going to walk me down the aisle. As many of you also may know (if anyone ACTUALLY reads these things) since my mother and her husband are getting divorced I no longer have a father figure to walk me down the aisle and give me away. In this frame of mind I decided to make a list of people I deemed adequate to give me away.

Thus far, I have the following:
- Yoshiki (well I had mentioned that before, have I not?)
- Fawny (she is awesome, so why not?!)
- My mother, Debra (well she brought me into the world, she might as well give me away)
- Ivan (who is a very close family friend. I've known him since I was 4 years old)
and...
- My Grandpa, Jerry.

Then, BRILLANCE struck me!! I thought,
"Hey, what if I had X-Japan walk me down the aisle and give me away?" Which would mean Yoshiki, Toshi, Heath and Pata. But then I was thinking "Wait, hold on a minute! X-Japan is NOT X-Japan without the beloved hide!! WAIT! Instead of a bouquet, I'll carry a hide plushie(http://www.animemate.com/proddetail.php?prod=hide35a)!!! Then I can have Yoshiki on my left, Toshi on my right, hide in my arms and then Pata and Heath behind me carrying my train (if I have one) or just escorting from behind." Thus my epic wedding ideas began.

So I go home and I tell the boyfriend about my idea. He agrees, that it is, indeed, epic. Then he asked if we could have a Gackt collage wedding cake with a 15 inch obelisk on top... If you don't know what that means, then you don't need to know. *shifty eyes* Moving on... Then he asked if I could walk down the aisle to "Electric Cucumber" by hide with Zilch (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IM1dMocjCWQ), I said no, but that we should make that our first dance song as a couple. I have decided to walk down the aisle to part of Orgasm or part of Art of Life or Tears (all) by X-Japan.

Not only that, but I totally want Fawn and Yoshiki to sing "Electric Cucumber" karaoke style, because it would be AWESOME!!! *giggles*

Okay, enough ranting for now, if I get a chance to scan my plans into the computer, I totally will and show you all how INSANE I am, but you know you love me!! *huggles everyone*

Love,
Sarai

Holding On

He held her hands, walked with her and held her.
He held her hands, taught her how to shoot,
taught her how to ride. Rough and strong, he
taught her about life. He showed her love, a father's
love, strong and pure.

He held her hand, the night they thought she
would die, caressed the twisted and bruised skin.
He held her hand when they told her that she
would never bear children, never have life born
from her body.

He held her hand, the day he gave her away.
Watching with tear-bright eyes as she changed her
name. Grinning from ear to ear, swelled with pride.
He held her hand, the day she got the news.
He held her, shaking and crying, to broken to stand.

He held her hand, when she passed away. His
little girl, leaving the world, even the sun seemed to
weep. He saw the truth in his child, in her smile, the
way she walked and talked. He would miss her, but
he would hold her hand when he came into eternity.

Triggers

Pull the trigger, baby,
I'll be your gun.
Slit my throat, sweetheart,
I promise not to cry.

This has to be the most
beautiful betrayal,
exquisitely executed in
every way imaginable.

My heart lies, drawn
and quartered, upon
the snowy earth. Your
love does that to me.

This heart, that loved
you so reverently, who
knew it could die? Poisoned
love, honeyed lies.

Tainted darling, caressed
by dying eyes. That this
betrayal was lost upon my
soul I would give the world.

You slit my throat, I
promised not to cry.
You pulled the trigger
just to watch me die.

Halcyon

Is my beloved dead? Does his heart lie still upon the shores?
Has he left me to travel to the Elysian fields and ne'er return?
I am Halcyon, restless bird upon roughened waves, searching
and wandering, calling for my lover.

Ceyx, my Ceyx, why hast thou left your faithful wife? Drown'd
upon forsaken oceans, washed upon star-swept shores?
Sinking slowly, the satin soft waters filling my thirsty lungs in
place of air. Still searching for your still form in these tepid seas.

Our bodies touch, warmth to chill. Your eyes are closed, pale
and bruised visage, so delicate in death. I am entranced and
embraced by Pluto's arms, he is ready to take us both. I will
follow where ye shall go, I shall rest where ye shall choose to lie.

Oh Gods, give him back to me. Let the air return to drenched
lungs and movement back to empty bones. Please don't let our
love end like this. Take pity and return us to life, please. Take
his hand in mine, close my eyes, let this coffin of water bury us.

I am Halcyon, drowned for love. Born again a bird, flying o'er
the seas in which I met my doom. Ceyx, my lover and husband,
a bird too, never far from me. Floating upon my father's breath,
adrift these restless waves for eternity.

Pata-Whore and Gackt-Slut

Alternate Blog Title: The Sex Olympics

Yes, ladies and gentleman it is that time of year again when the annual Sex Olympics begins!!

The prize this year is One night with the lovely and talented Camui Gackt. The following brave young women have been practicing all year for this prize. Lets look at the specs for the ladies in running!

Fawn Matsumoto
Title: Reigning Champion
Age: 28
Height: 5ft. 5in. (hide size!)
Weight: 130lbs (58.97kgs)
Medals
AOI medal at the 2006 Olympics.
hide medal, the hide w/zilch medal and the hide w/spread beaver medal at the 2004, 2005, 2006 and 2007 Olympics.
The HONEYBLADE medal at the 2005, 2006 and 2007 Olympics.
X-Japan Medal at the 2004, 2005 and 2006 Olympics.
and...
The DaizyStripper medals at the 2007 Olympics.
She is currently the reigning champion of the Sex Olympics, 2 years running.

Sarai Lillie
Title: The New-Comer Cucumber Queen
Age: 20
Height: 5ft. 2in.
Weight: 230lbs. (104.33kgs)
Medals
The Electric Cucumber Medal at the 2007 Olympics
The Swamp Snake Medal at the 2007 Olympics
and...
The Dir en Grey Medal at the 2007 Olympics

Megan Pomegranate
Title: The Virgin
Age: 17 (almost 18)
Height: 5ft. 4in.
Weight: Unknown
Medals
None as this is her first time participating in the Sex Olympics.

The Sex Olympics will last for a Month and each day a new J-Rocker is given to the contestants. At the end of the month, whomever has participated in the various activities with the most J-Rockers, with the best numbers from the Judges, WINS!

The Judges this year are:
Toshi
MYV
Rose
and...
Jui

The Judges will be judging each contestant on the following:
-Form
-Precision
-Technique
-Vocals
and...
-Duration

All activities will be held at the hide Colosseum from 6pm to 4am EST (eastern standard time).

HOPE TO SEE YOU THERE!!! *wink, wink*

ps. Let it be known that Sarai Lillie's alternate names/titles (as given by Fawn Matsumoto) are Pata-Whore and Gackt-Slut.

Stereotypes and why I hate them

I was looking through a bunch of blogs that I had deleted way back when... I was a little stupid then and didn't realize that I didn't have to delete my blogs to look at previous ones!!! *blushes from embarrassment* So, I'm going to be re-posting the ones I think are still relevant. This one is about Stereotypes.

*Note on three of these stereotypes*
-- On the Not Virgin One, I would like to clarify that I had been raped and at the time didn't feel worthy of calling myself a virgin.
-- I am no longer a Republican, but would like to keep it anyway, because it is what I was then.
-- I do have a boyfriend now, then I didn't, so I decided to leave it as is!

These are stereotypes. I'm all these things, and these are how I am viewed by the world because of it. so, if you don't like who I am deal with it. I'm who I am and I refuse to change because you want me to!!!!

Sarai


I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.

I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.

I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.

I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.

I TAKE ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.

I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.

I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.

I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.

I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.

I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.

I ATTEMPTED SUICIDE, so I MUST be a freak.

I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.

I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.

I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.

I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.

I'm INTO THEATRE & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.

I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.

I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.

I have BIG BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.

I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.

I'm GERMAN, so I MUST be a Nazi.

I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.

I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.

Obama Rally, will you be there?

As many of you know, today (October 6th) is the last day to register to vote in the state of Indiana. I encourage you all who have not registered to get registered!! This is a historic and intriguing election.

If you do not register to vote and subsequently don't vote, I don't want to hear any whining about the president. Since you didn't care enough to try to vote, you have no room to whine about the choice.

I wrote a blog awhile back, that got deleted, about voting. In fact it was after I got to vote for the first time. And it pretty much sums up my feelings on the matter.

"voting...
voting: the act of choosing someone to bring into the power of government.(note, this is my definition)

Voting: 7. to express or signify will or choice in a matter, as by casting a ballot: to vote for president.

Why do i bring this topic up? well, i voted for the first time yesterday. and i was thinking about a lot of my older friends who don't vote, even though they can. but they complain about who got elected and what they are doing. but they don't want to put their opinion in. i'm here to say that if you can't get off your lazy dumb ass to vote, then don't come complaining about how bad our president is and how awful our senator is being. it is your decision to change the world, but if you don't who will? no one, because everyone is to lazy to care about whether our president is killing innocents in Japan or whether we will be remembered as the most selfish of all generations. get off your lazy ass and stand up for what you believe in!!! if you think the world is going to hell in a hand-basket, vote for someone who you believe will do what needs to be done. Why are people so stupid?! if you want something done, you can't count on others to do it for you. do it yourself.

VOTE!!"

I still see it that way. So, if you aren't going to vote and you intend on coming to me with complaints about the president that is chosen, save your breath.

Now, moving on.

Barack Obama is having a rally in Indianapolis, Indiana on Wednesday October 8th. The doors open at 10:00am and the rally officially begins at 12:15pm. I encourage everyone who is able to go, to go. It is free and a historic event. This is history in the making folks!! These are the days we are going to tell our children and their children about when we get older. So, please, take a moment to appreciate the depth of this moment and then grasp your part and move up!!

In short, PLEASE VOTE!!!

The Legalization of Marijuana

Disclaimer
The views stated in this blog have no reflection on Blogger.com in any way, shape or form. The opinions here in are my own and I take full responsibility for them. If you are offended by anything I have to say, please refrain from reading this. If you proceed in reading this blog and find that you are offended, please do not comment trying to start an argument. If you have a problem with my views you may kindly do one of two things:
1. Remove me from your list of blogs.
or...
2. Refrain from reading further blogs.
I am in no way endorsing the use of Marijuana with this blog.
If you have anything constructive to say, you may post a comment. I am interested in knowing people's different views on what I say. If you have nothing constructive to say, you may send me a message. I won't allow comments that are destructive on my blog. Thank you.

Lets begin with this:
"Marijuana is a green, brown, or gray mixture of dried, shredded leaves, stems, seeds, and flowers of the hemp plant (Cannabis sativa). Cannabis is a term that refers to marijuana and other drugs made from the same plant. Other forms of cannabis include sinsemilla, hashish, and hash oil. All forms of cannabis are mind-altering (psychoactive) drugs." (http://www.whitehousedrugpolicy.gov/drugfact/marijuana/index.html)

"Cannabis, a fast-growing bushy annual with dense sticky flowers, produces the psychoactive THC. It is the most widely used illegal psychoactive..." (http://www.erowid.org/plants/cannabis/cannabis.shtml)

Okay, so we all know what Marijuana is. I'm sure that some of those who read this have friends who smoke "pot" or have smoked it themselves. I have several friends who use Marijuana, I've been around people who were smoking it. Personally, the stuff makes me ill. I think I might actually be allergic to it! So why am I writing about the legalization of this drug? Well its because I happen to believe that it is a good idea.

I can just imagine the looks on everyone's faces right about now. "Sarai wants the legalization of Marijuana?! WTF?!" And I'm sure that some people are saying "Isn't her father a drug addict? Why would she want drugs legalized?". One should note that I only said the legalization of Marijuana, not all drugs. And yes, my father is a drug addict.

Truth of the matter is that I've actually read up on this and watched documentaries (Super High Me. Everyone should watch that movie. It had a lot of insights into the world of Marijuana use and was actually very educational). Now, my reasoning for wanting Marijuana legalized is purely political. I don't how many people on here pay attention to the politics here in our country, but the United States of America is in debt. Massively so.

"America has become more a debt 'junkie' - - than ever before
with total debt of $53 Trillion - - and the highest debt ratio in history." (http://mwhodges.home.att.net/nat-debt/debt-nat.htm)

Debt is awful for the economy, and am I the only who has noticed that we are headed for a Second Depression? I don't know about you all, but I do not want to have to go through a Depression. Our Grandparents and Great-Grandparents had to survive that and they don't speak very highly about it!

"Currently, control over the marijuana market is left in the hands of the criminal black market. As such, proceeds from marijuana sales are kept in the underground economy. The profits go untaxed, and the money generated is kept off the books. Fortune magazine estimated the potential tax earnings from legal marijuana sales at $11 billion per year, and that only accounts for taxes on the marijuana, not including taxes on the income generated by the legal sellers, distributors, and producers." (http://www.psychedelic-library.org/mcvay.htm)

Another thing, everyone who has ever had any experience with Marijuana will know what I'm talking about, the taxes from the sales of food to people who smoke pot. Munchies = money spent on food by people with said munchies. Going back though, "$11 billion per year" and that only accounts for taxes on the Marijuana itself! That would not only be good for the economy, but good for helping get this country out of National Debt!! Wouldn't that be nice?

Now, moving on to Medical Marijuana usage.
This has to be one of the most controversial reasons to use Marijuana. Though physicians are usually divided over it, there does seem to be some validation to the saying that "Mary Jane" helps those in pain.

"Myth: Marijuana Has No Medicinal Value. Safer, more effective drugs are available. They include a synthetic version of THC, marijuana's primary active ingredient, which is marketed in the United States under the name Marinol.
"Fact: Marijuana has been shown to be effective in reducing the nausea induced by cancer chemotherapy, stimulating appetite in AIDS patients, and reducing intraocular pressure in people with glaucoma. There is also appreciable evidence that marijuana reduces muscle spasticity in patients with neurological disorders. A synthetic capsule is available by prescription, but it is not as effective as smoked marijuana for many patients. Pure THC may also produce more unpleasant psychoactive side effects than smoked marijuana." (http://www.drugpolicy.org/marijuana/factsmyths/medmj)

I have a friend who has severe back problems, when he smokes Marijuana his back doesn't hurt as bad. Because his pain is inhibited by the THC. I know that this isn't actual proof to anyone, but I've seen him in such pain that he could barely move, then when he had a joint he was at least able to move around and relax. So, its proof enough to me.

Now, I'm not saying that Marijuana should be able to be smoked anywhere and everywhere. I do believe that it should not be allowed to smoke in public, I feel the same way about cigarettes. There are people everywhere who don't want to be exposed to the smoke, so it should be legal to smoke it in the privacy of your own home and in certain cafes designed for that reason.

F(or)Y(our)I(nformation): Prohibition has NEVER worked. Look through-out history and you will see that it doesn't. Banning it isn't going to stop people from buying it or growing it or using it. And if it can help our economy, help people in pain and help us get out of National Debt, does it really do that much harm?

I leave you all with this final statistic that I found:
ANNUAL AMERICAN DEATHS CAUSED BY DRUGS

TOBACCO ........................ 400,000
ALCOHOL ........................ 100,000
ALL LEGAL DRUGS ................ 20,000
ALL ILLEGAL DRUGS .............. 15,000
CAFFEINE ....................... 2,000
ASPIRIN ........................ 500
MARIJUANA ...................... 0
----------------------------------------
Source: United States government.
National Institute on Drug Abuse,
Bureau of Mortality Statistics

American History X (dA)

Journal Entry: Thu Oct 2, 2008, 4:33 PM

• Mood: Content
• Listening to: No Good Deed from "Wicked"
• Reading: American History X
• Watching: My boyfriend play computer games
• Playing: music
• Eating: Ramen
• Drinking: Mt. Dew

Hello to all those brave folk who watch me and my stuff.

New poem posted today. it's not that good, but I put it up anyway. It deserves to be seen... Don't ask why.

Now, someone of you may be curious about my title. If you aren't, then you aren't paying enough attention!! lol...

American History X is a spoken word poem written by my lovely friend, DaYog. Here is the link:
[link]

Now go read. It is BRILLIANT! One of the best poems I've ever read by DaYog. While you are at DaYog's page ([link]) check out his other poetry. He is really good and deserves to have a bunch of people read his stuff.

So, this is a list of what you should do today:
1. Check out my latest poem
2. Check out "American History X"
3. Check out DaYog's page
and...
4. Pick a random person to favorite.

Good luck folks!!

Revision to my earlier blog...

Current mood: pansytastic

Just as a side note: I wanted to let everyone know that my ranting that I went on in my last blog did NOT apply to my boyfriend in anyway, shape or form. If anything he is the complete opposite of the men that I'm used to. I don't want anyone to think ill of him or think that he is hurting me, because he isn't.

Love,
Sarai

Not getting it...

Forgive me, but is there something I'm missing? Am I just to blind to understand what is going on here? I don't understand how one can be completely surrounded by people and yet totally alone. For example, my boyfriend is visiting. And even though he is here and I know that I'm not alone, I feel completely lost and alone, like a child who has wandered from her mother's arms. I just want to cry on his shoulder like my world is ending, but I don't know why I want to cry. Overall, I should be fairly content. Yeah, life has its problems, but I shouldn't be so down.

Maybe its my depression acting up? *shakes head* I feel like an old woman right now, completely broken and shriveled up. Does anyone else feel like this? Or am I the only one?

I do know somethings that are bothering me right now. So here they are:
I am so tired of People

I am tired of the bullshit and the judging, the lies and the hatred.

I am tired of being sexually abused

I am tired of being called a whore or a slut by people who don't even know me. All because I happen to be heavy set and have larger breasts. How the hell does that make any sense?!

I am tired of men who claim to love you, but treat you like shit. I especially hate how they keep you coming back for more, even though you know in your heart that you deserve better.

I am tired of being taken advantage of. Why me?! Why my friends?! Why does mankind have to be so selfish that all they care about is their way and what they can get from others?

I am tired of wanting to be loved. I am tired of being lonely when I have so many people that DO love me and surround me.

I am tired of feeling completely useless, worthless, ugly and pitiful.

I am fed up with men like my step-father.

I am saddened because I have always been fatherless, it just took awhile to realize it. I know, Bethany, I'm not completely fatherless, I have a Heavenly Father that loves me. But I want an earthly father. Someone to walk me down the aisle when I get married, someone to care about who I date, to care about me and wants the best for me. That would be nice.

I am disheartened by everything that goes on around me. I am tired of Justice never being done. I am tired of the bad guys winning. I am tired of people who are so prejudiced that they can't see past their own nose to see truth.

Most of all, I am tired of feeling like this. I am tired of wanting a perfect world even though I know it will never happen. I am tired of wishing on that stupid star hoping for a miracle. I am tired of talking to thin air when I try to talk to God. I am tired of people telling me that God is there and that He does care when I look around at the stuff He is allowing to happen. It doesn't make sense to me. I just don't get it.