6 days and Spiked Pie! (dA)

Journal Entry: Sat Mar 29, 2008, 12:26 AM

• Mood: Cheerful
• Listening to: My Breathing
• Reading: The Screen
• Watching: Failure to Launch
• Playing: the "I won't laugh again" game
• Eating: no thanks, still reeling from the Pie!
• Drinking: water

*Not intended for younger viewers!!!*

HA!!! The Trojan Horse (a lovely greek restuarant here in Indiana) is where myself and my bffs decided to eat today after my performance. pretty sure that the pie was spiked (lol) because we (Ryan and I) totally couldn't stop laughing hysterically and we were fogging up the windows of the car and we acted like we were drunk. God, it was HILARIOUS!! Anyway, we started getting worried after 10 minutes of laughing so hard that we were dying, and we mentioned that the cops would probably think we were drunk and then pull us over... plus the windows were all foggy and looked like we had been doing it too.

Then we started making all these jokes about us having sex. It was funny. After we almost pissed out pants, we started coming back down... and yeah. Tonight was hysterical.

PARTY TIME!!!
Okay, so here is the deal, i know that almost none of you are here in the states. or anywhere near Indiana. But I am having a going away party on April 2nd (Wednesday) at the College Mall in the *New* Food court. At 4:30 to 7pm. there will be cake and drinks... And pizza if enough people chip in a few bucks... Cause, lets face it, i can't buy enough pizza tto feed like 30 people... I DO NOT MAKE THAT KIND OF MONEY PEOPLE!!!! Anyway, moving on. Its open to any that may choose to come, and I'm excited.

ANd if you can't come, then I know that you are with me in spirit. And BTW NO PRESENTS!!! The present of people's presence is Enough for MOI!

Did I mention that I'm in LOVE with Wentworth Miller?! Poor guy, as soon as he thinks that his ears will no longer burn from being talked about, I start up again!!! Oh well, He'll get over it!

WENTWORTH I LOVE YOU!!!

8 days... (dA)

Journal Entry: Thu Mar 27, 2008, 11:12 AM

• Mood: Confused
• Listening to: Elton John
• Drinking: water

I skipped a few days, in case you couldn't tell. lol
We are in the last days of Sarai before she takes wing and flies far from her nest to roost in Oklahoma. *someone starts singing the song from the musical and then Sarai shoots them*

Bleh, the weather has taken a sudden turn here. Whilst it was lovely and warm yesterday today it seems to have cried itself out. And everything is nice and wet. And a little chilly.

I need to go to the bank today, make deposits, inquire about my new debit card, and pretend to be an adult all day. So many interesting things happening here and there. The plays will be performed on Friday and Saturday. They are the last performances of the Director's Symposium. Both a sad event and happy. I truly admire anyone who wants to be a stage performer all of their life. It is truly inspiring. Because Alice Through the Looking Glass just about killed me... We had far to many performances I thought. And you know, some places *cough Broadway cough* do performances for years!! I could never do that.
Hence the reason that I will be going to California to be a movie actress. Much easier don't you know?! lol

Have I mentioned that Elton John makes me Happy?! He does. I love him. *blush* Moving on.... adulthood calls!!!! More updates and hopefully some new deviations soon!!! Patience is a virtue my pets!! A virtue I don't possess so I'll try to hurry!!

11 days and 1001 page views!! (dA)

Journal Entry: Mon Mar 24, 2008, 9:45 PM

• Mood: Joy
• Listening to: kendra talk
• Reading: nothing
• Watching: tv
• Drinking: lemonade

YAY!!! 1,001 pageviews!!!

And my friend Kendra is coming to visit next week!!!
And we are going to be silly and crazy and then we are going to make the long trek to Oklahoma on Friday or Saturday!!

3 more performances of the 13th Director's Symposium.

Cast party on Saturday night after the last performance.

More stuff to discuss after midnight...

The End

12 days... (dA)

Journal Entry: Sat Mar 22, 2008, 11:53 PM

• Mood: Astonished
• Listening to: the tv
• Reading: my heart
• Watching: tv
• Eating: tater tots
• Drinking: lemonade

I had a supernatural encounter tonight.
We are at the John Waldron Arts Center tonight for our perfomance for the 13th annual Director’s Symposium for the Monroe County Civic Theatre. I am standing on some stairs, facing 2 of my friends. We are talking about how we are about to go on, its about 7:57pm. Margot is directly in front of me and Hannah is next to me (not Hannah my sister).
Suddenly a warm hand, touches my left shoulder. It was so warm, and I thought it was one of my guy friends, like Phil or Anthony. But when I turn to see, there is no one behind me for at least 16 feet. And I turned so quickly there is no way the person could’ve retreated that quickly.
When I asked Margot if she saw anyone touch me she said no. That no one was behind me at all. I got cold chills immediately after the experience and could not shake the feeling that someone was there for the rest of the night.
Now, bear in mind that the John Waldron Arts Center used to be a firestation. Could it have been a fireman, caught between this and next? I have no marks on my shoulders to say what happened, but it did.

The Encounter

I had a supernatural encounter tonight.
We are at the John Waldron Arts Center tonight for our perfomance for the 13th annual Director’s Symposium for the Monroe County Civic Theatre. I am standing on some stairs, facing 2 of my friends. We are talking about how we are about to go on, its about 7:57pm. Margot is directly in front of me and Hannah is next to me (not Hannah my sister).
Suddenly a warm hand, touches my left shoulder. It was so warm, and I thought it was one of my guy friends, like Phil or Anthony. But when I turn to see, there is no one behind me for at least 16 feet. And I turned so quickly there is no way the person could’ve retreated that quickly.
When I asked Margot if she saw anyone touch me she said no. That no one was behind me at all. I got cold chills immediately after the experience and could not shake the feeling that someone was there for the rest of the night.
Now, bear in mind that the John Waldron Arts Center used to be a firestation. Could it have been a fireman, caught between this and next? I have no marks on my shoulders to say what happened, but it did.

13 Days... (dA)

Journal Entry: Fri Mar 21, 2008, 11:54 PM

• Mood: Tearful
• Listening to: Blue by A Perfect Circle
• Reading: the minds of men in books
• Playing: the "I will not Cry" game
• Eating: cranberries
• Drinking: Mt. Dew

I could cry, but I can't... he's sitting to close by me. Can't show this weakness that is filling me. Can't let him see that he's killing me. Stealing my breath, my will to live, my lust for life... they're all flying out the window.

I don't want to leave my parent's house mad. But I'm so tired of all this crap that keeps happening. I'm not perfect, get over it. I never will be perfect, get over it! You have known me 15 years of my 19 and you still haven't figured out that I am who I am and always will be. Stop yelling at me, stop trying to fit me into your mold!!

He wants to hear me say that I am in love with him, but only loves me as a sister. How can i live with this heavy weight pressing upon my shoulders, shoving me down into the dirt? Don't let me say it, if you don't reciprocate. You don't feel the same, so don't ask me to say how I feel. it only makes me die a little more inside. And I can't do this anymore.

His coldness is pushing me away. There is no longer an "I love you" no longer an embrace or a kiss upon this cheek. You have been my father, my friend for 15 years, why now do you turn from me? Just because I am not perfect doesn't make me your enemy, or you mine! Stop ignoring me. We don't have much time!

14 days...(2 weeks) (dA)

Journal Entry: Fri Mar 21, 2008, 1:54 PM

• Mood: Sadness
• Listening to: Stay by Sugarland
• Reading: this page
• Watching: my life fly by
• Playing: the "I'm not nervous" Game
• Eating: Chips
• Drinking: Lemonade

For this journal, I'm kind of stealing ~Pocketface's blog... well, not really but the subject matter. I am about to rant about holidays. Plug the ears of your children and cover the eyes of your grandmothers. Hold your bibles close and pretend you don't hear my "blasphemous" words. Go ahead, I'll wait.

Done? Good. Let the Rant begin!

First of all, I am and have always been a christian. Take that for it is worth. But never have I understood the holidays that we call "christian" holidays.

Easter and Christmas. I will rant about Halloween and other holidays at a later date i guess, for i do not want to overwhelm anyone's mind.

Lets start with Easter shall we? Since it is closest, this Sunday in fact. I'm sure when we think of Easter we think of Eggs, chocolates and bunnies... The "Easter Bunny" in particular.
Supposedly Easter is a Christian Holiday. The celebration of the Ressurection of our Lord and Saviour. Well, it isn't and never has truly been. Easter was originally a holiday dedicated to the Fertillity Goddess and another God who was resurrected every year. It was also a celebration of Spring. The World being Ressurected again to new life in the Spring. The aforementioned god was the god of spring and like the world he died in the fall and rose again in the spring.
What happened is that The Church decided that to many of their followers were still worshipping their old gods and goddesses on their holidays. Thats when the brillant plan came up, lets change the holidays by saying that we are worshipping Christ instead of who we are actually worshipping. In my mind this is what I see:

Church: Hey, look a dirty bum on the street. We should make him a christian!
They then grab the bum, brush the loose dirt off his coat and put a big shiny bow on his head and call him a "Christian"
That is Basically what we did with holidays. These "Holy Days" are not in truth "Holy" to the Most Holy.

Christmas: Once again, a totally and completely Pagan holiday that celebrated the birth of another god. The "christmas" Trees symbolized him. And Santa came later. Now, let me say this, Santa is not a christian symbol either. In fact, I would say he takes the glory away from God and Jesus. Children do not await the moment that Christ was born with glee and anticipation, they await the moment that Santa will appear to bring them gifts. And has anyone ever noticed that Santa has all the same letters as Satan just rearranged?
Once again, Bum with a bow doesn't make him a christian.

I would present more evidence as to why Christmas so not Christian, except that my mind is suddenly empty.

The End

Holidays Blog

I am about to rant about holidays. Plug the ears of your children and cover the eyes of your grandmothers. Hold your bibles close and pretend you don’t hear my "blasphemous" words. Go ahead, I’ll wait.

Done? Good. Let the Rant begin!

First of all, I am and have always been a christian. Take that for it is worth. But never have I understood the holidays that we call "christian" holidays.

Easter and Christmas. I will rant about Halloween and other holidays at a later date i guess, for i do not want to overwhelm anyone’s mind.

Lets start with Easter shall we? Since it is closest, this Sunday in fact. I’m sure when we think of Easter we think of Eggs, chocolates and bunnies... The "Easter Bunny" in particular.
Supposedly Easter is a Christian Holiday. The celebration of the Ressurection of our Lord and Saviour. Well, it isn’t and never has truly been. Easter was originally a holiday dedicated to the Fertillity Goddess and another God who was resurrected every year. It was also a celebration of Spring. The World being Ressurected again to new life in the Spring. The aforementioned god was the god of spring and like the world he died in the fall and rose again in the spring.
What happened is that The Church decided that to many of their followers were still worshipping their old gods and goddesses on their holidays. Thats when the brillant plan came up, lets change the holidays by saying that we are worshipping Christ instead of who we are actually worshipping. In my mind this is what I see:

Church: Hey, look a dirty bum on the street. We should make him a christian!
They then grab the bum, brush the loose dirt off his coat and put a big shiny bow on his head and call him a "Christian"
That is Basically what we did with holidays. These "Holy Days" are not in truth "Holy" to the Most Holy.

Christmas: Once again, a totally and completely Pagan holiday that celebrated the birth of another god. The "christmas" Trees symbolized him. And Santa came later. Now, let me say this, Santa is not a christian symbol either. In fact, I would say he takes the glory away from God and Jesus. Children do not await the moment that Christ was born with glee and anticipation, they await the moment that Santa will appear to bring them gifts. And has anyone ever noticed that Santa has all the same letters as Satan just rearranged?
Once again, Bum with a bow doesn’t make him a christian.

I would present more evidence as to why Christmas so not Christian, except that my mind is suddenly empty.

The End

Purple

Purple.
All around is purple.
The sky is purple, lightning pierced.
The waters are purple, soft and depressed.
Your lips are purple. We cannot breathe.
All around is purple.
Purple flowers, purple roses.
Violet lilies and lavender posies.
Your lips are softly turning gray. Stop, stay.
All around is purple.
Sweet nothingness is purple,
those words you are whispering to the stars
they are royal and lilac, light and dark.
All around is purple.
Purple.

15 days... (dA)

Journal Entry: Thu Mar 20, 2008, 3:34 PM

• Mood: Frustrated
• Watching: Monk
• Eating: ramen
• Drinking: soda

15 days and I still haven't finished packing!! God, in Heaven HELP ME!!! I wish I had a magic wand so I could wave it and have it be done!!

At any rate, apparently the only thing I've been able to do is make silly music videos for youtube... which isn't much. Not only that, I have rehearsals and our first performance is tomorrow! And, I got fired today. I lost my job cleaning, cause my aunt got mad that I didn't work yesterday and I didn't work today cause I felt like I was going to throw up.

So today has been shitty.

16 days... (dA)

Journal Entry: Wed Mar 19, 2008, 1:28 PM

• Mood: Eye Candy
• Listening to: Rocketman by Elton John
• Watching: Wentworth Miller be gorgeous
• Playing: music
• Drinking: lemonade

Well, last night was fun! beginning of Tech week was last night for this play that I'm in called "God Save Life".

I stood in the rain for 5 minutes waiting for the light to change so that i could cross the street so that i could wait another 4 or 5 minutes for that light to change. The shower i had taken earlier was unnecessary because my hair was back to completely wet again. SUCK!

And I showed up at 6:10 or 6:15pm (which was early, cause it didn't start until 6:30). Thats when I find out that I didn't have to be there the whole time, cause My play is in a line up of 10 small plays... mine was next to last. Which meant I didn't have to be there until 9:45. Not only that but Rehearsal didn't end until 10:45.

I had fun watching the other plays and talking with my new friends and rehearsing lines, but I did get pretty tired and ready to go home before i had even gone up.

Finally it was my turn to get up and do our play. Margot, Elijah and I did very well. I didn't need to call for lines!!!!! Which made me happy, but made our director, Andy, even happier. Because after we got done Andy came up to us and kissed all of us. And I blushed like crazy.

Another rehearsal tonight (as this is Tech Week). And it continues to rain here... I like the rain, but not so much when you live in town. In the country the rain falls and the mist rises up and the earth smells fresh and clean. In the town there is no fresh smell, no mist to rise up and greet the sky. It is just rain. Funny how everything changes when you move.

IF ANY OF YOU WHO READ THIS ARE ANYWHERE NEAR BLOOMINGTON INDIANA NEXT WEEK, YOU SHOULD COME AND SEE THE DIRECTOR'S SYMPOSIUM AT THE JOHN WALDRON ARTS CENTER!!! I'LL GIVE DATES IF ANYONE WANTS THEM.

Now begins the Countdown! (dA)

Journal Entry: Tue Mar 18, 2008, 12:08 AM

• Mood: I Have To Pee
• Listening to: Stay by Sugarland
• Playing: Toaster Strudels...
• Drinking: lemonade

Okay, i now have only 17 days before I move to OKLAHOMA!! YAY! lol. So much packing, not enough to do it, cause i procrastinate!

And tonight I am rather lonely. IDKY, but for some reason tonight is one of those nights i wish i had a boyfriend (not for sex, perverts ). But just to snuggle, stay home and watch a good movie or listen to some sweet music. no time to worry about that tonight.

New deviations to come when I get the inspiration... My dreams have been insane of recent, so that might help with the inspiration. The most recent dream i had i was a child prostitute. And i was attacked by a demonic puppy. :/ idk

Nightmare

Okay, this is the best warning I can give. This is a poem written because of a nightmare i had just last night. however, unlike the girl in this poem, I wasn’t killed at the end. DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED BY VIOLENCE AND SEXUAL THEMES!!! I do not want to receive comments that might not be flattering.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He’s on top. Breathing hard, moving rhythmically.
I’m holding back my screams. Pretending that this
isn’t happening. Pretend I am enjoying it, so that
he won’t hurt me anymore than he already is.

Inside my head, I’m drifting away. Fading far from
this place. The gravel under me is pinching and I
can feel the blood, falling in droplets from between
my legs.

God, save me! White walls, enclose about me,
trying to save myself. Lie back, relax, pretend that
this isn’t happening. He’ll be done soon and I
can fade away, quietly.

And as he finishes and rolls off of me like water
off of leaves, I let the tears flow. Let them fall.
He holds a hand over my mouth. Raises his blade
and then all is blood and darkness.

No air. No life. No pain.

Hatred and other emotions I dislike (dA)

Journal Entry: Sat Mar 15, 2008, 9:53 PM

• Mood: Speechless
• Listening to: Random music...
• Reading: the words on the screen
• Watching: NCIS
• Playing: the "I Hate Men" game
• Eating: Canoli stuffed with nuts and cheese
• Drinking: lemonade

*Disclaimer* *First off, let me say that this in no way is a reflection of anything anyone on here has said or done to me. All the men who are my friends, please don't take it that way. I would also like to point out the fact that this journal does not pertain to all men. just some... you will understand once you read the rest. *

I'm sorry, but I do not understand the stupidity of men... and the insentivity! You would think that if a guy knew without a doubt that a young woman was very fond of him and he "claimed" to be her friend he would try to not harm her. But my "friend" you are hurting me and i know that you know how i feel. so stop falling for her!!! and notice what you are doing everytime you do this!!! Have some compassion for me, and what i am going through. Yeah, I love wentworth miller, but he is famous, that is so vastly different than what you are doing!!

Not only that, but I hate the fact that another who claims to be my friend continues to try and make everything bad that happens be my fault!! IT ISN'T MY FAULT!!!! I won't take it any longer!! I WILL NOT TAKE BLAME FOR WHAT IS NOT MY FAULT ANY MORE!!!!!

To Someone I Could Never See Again

I don’t understand it. Maybe I never will, but I know it hurts like Hell.

Please, just be quiet now. I can’t take any more words from you.

Just shut up! Let me be for one moment. I can’t take any more, of

anything. You are yelling, screaming obscenities in my ears, I’m

trying to block it out. But somehow you’re voice pierces the barriers

I’m putting up.

I hate you. Hate everything you’ve become and I just wish you would

leave before you hurt me even more. I don’t want to talk anymore, I

am so exhausted by all this. Emotionally, I am drained and ready to

sleep. I wish I could say that I still love you, still want you here, but I

can’t. I can’t lie to you. Hatred is the only word that is spilling from

my lips.

I loved you once. Loved you so passionately, so purely. I would’ve

gladly given you the world, given you everything I had. But now, I can’t

even stand to hear your name. And I’m crying as I write this, wishing

that I could change everything, but I can’t. And I can’t take this any

more. So, I’m leaving now. Please, give me my keys. You can’t hold

me here like a prisoner. And I won’t be held captive.

Too Tired to Sleep... (dA)

Journal Entry: Fri Mar 14, 2008, 12:33 AM

• Mood: Tired
• Listening to: Elton John and Billy Joel

Today had to be the roughest day ever.

I worked 9 hours for a lady friend of mine. I did laundry from 10am to 7pm. SOOOO TIRED!!! Hauling laundry may not sound like hard work, but trust me, if there is a lot of it to do and you are constantly moving back and forth doing it you get tired real quick. And believe it or not, I was tired by Noon. Cause by noon I had already done like 4 loads... Yes, you can hire me, but you are sooooo paying me for the traveling if i have to go far and for the actual work.

To Tired to sleep and to tired to continue... so i'll stop here and finish listening to Billy Joel and Elton John, then off to my lovely couch for a decent/bad nights sleep so that I might go shoe shopping *shudders* with my bff Ryan tomorrow. I HATE SHOPPING AND SHOES!!! But I actually loved the pair of heels he picked out for me and i promised to get them when i had money. and i have money. so tomorrow comes swiftly as Time's playful children run onward. And the moon is drifting on her velvet black ocean, dreaming of me.

Sarai

Juno, Moving and other intersting moments... (dA)

Journal Entry: Wed Mar 12, 2008, 12:26 AM

• Mood: Passionate
• Listening to: Love Song by Sara Bareilles
• Watching: Juno (well, in my head)
• Drinking: soy milk

Okay, so I went and saw the movie "Juno" today. With my step-dad.
Awkward? kinda. But it was okay. He actually enjoyed it!!! Now, my dad is a bit of a square. He is really into Christianity and is what I would call a Strict Christian. I will refrain from saying anything else on that point . But at any rate, aparently he heard about it from his pastor. And the pastor said it was a good movie. That surprises me to know end. A pastor who suggest movies?! Mein gott!! At any rate, that was better than all the drama that has been going on all day. Which we won't discuss tonight.

Juno was awesome. I loved it. It was both hysterical and serious. It will be a classic someday. And the sound track was pretty cool too.

Moving. Can anyone here say "Stressful"? if you can, , seriously though. I hate moving. Which is why I've been putting off packing. Which is the goal of tomorrow. *Procastinators UNITE!!!! Next week. Or the next year. Actually, its been postponed until next millenia. See ya there!*

Cheers fellow dA's!

btw: if you are curious about all the emoticons... I finally figured it out and am now acting like a kid with a new bike!!!



Broadway.

ps. if you understood the above you get KUDOS!!!!

Prettiest Lies You Told Me

Pretty lies float above my head,
falling like flower petals from dying
women's hands. Sweeter than a
frozen blade, drawing droplets of
blood from the nests of owls.

Spoken words trickle through my
mind, mouth so soft and breath
so sweet and rancid against my
ear. The lies, floating like candles
across the blue waters of empty.

False pretenses, false hopes.
Brava dearest, ensnared again.
Brava, bravo. Entrapt, bound to this
womb, the trues and falses binding
as iron chains.

So sleep pretty one, frozen by
all the sweeter of the lies. Seen
beneath the glass, fists against the
mirror. Shatter the glass, sweet,
do it. Break it down.

Pretty lies float above my head,
falling like stars from a dying
moon's breast. Sweeter than these
lies, they fall to the ground, pull
the blood from my veins.

To Many Ideas, not enough Brains... (dA)

Journal Entry: Sun Mar 9, 2008, 7:55 PM

• Mood: Tearful
• Listening to: Bridge over Troubled Water
• Reading: Northanger Abbey
• Watching: my family deteriorate
• Playing: the I won't Cry game
• Eating: Ramen
• Drinking: Generic Mt. Dew

Ever feel like the Scarecrow? "If I only had a brain" I DO!!! Especially with all these story Ideas I have, they are tossed about in my brain and i never seem to finish them. Although I finished 3, I think. Short stories. One of which is in my deviation Gallery. Its called The Mermaid [link]

An example of a good story idea i had, but have not finished yet, is "The Ghost Orchid".
Now the story was about a young woman {Davia (day-Vee-uh)} who meets a witch {Alynnia (uh-lynn-e-uh)}. Davia uncovers a terrible secret concerning said witch, a ghost orchid (with magical properties and a dark past) and a demon (The son of Satan himself; and Alynnia's lover). When the young woman tries to escape, Alynnia curses her, by transforming her into a black tiger w/white stipes tipped in blood red.
As a tiger, Davia is only able to change into a human again on a clear night with a new moon. Even then only for 3 hours ata time. The only way to break the curse is for a young man to sacrifice his life for Davia's. If he gies up his life then she may become a woman again, protected (by love's ultimate sacrifice) from ever being cursed again. The man, however, must be sacrificed by Alynnia to the satanic gods, before the curse can unravel.

Sounded like a good story Idea, i thought, but whilst I have all the kinks worked out, i just can't seem to write it and make it sound right!!!
Oh well, other attempts will be made. Maybe it will get finished someday.

Me, Myself and I (dA)

Journal Entry: Fri Mar 7, 2008, 12:50 AM

• Mood: Depressed
• Listening to: I Am A Rock by Simon and Garfunkel
• Watching: the weather
• Playing: i won't cry game
• Drinking: soda

I have come to several conclusions recently. IDK what they mean, but they are my truths. You can take them or leave them!

1. I was never meant to be a girly girl. Now, most of that is because of circumstance. When you have been through everything I have you build up walls to secure yourself. You either lose the girliness and protect yourself or you flaunt and give up, because you will always be taken advantage of. I chose the first apparently.

2. My destiny/fate, has been there all along, I've just been to silly to notice. My fate is Acting/Writing. And somehow Wentworth Miller is involved.

3. I will probably always be the friend and not the girlfriend. I'm okay with this now. I used to freak about it, but now I'm okay.

4. I love children. I adore them, they are wonderful. But they are not for me. Therefore, whilst you may laugh since throughout my life I have wanted a varying number *between 6-16* I realized I don't want them at all.

5. I can't believe it took me SOOOOO long to finally realize that Vegitarian was the way to go.

6. There are demons in my life. Some are people, some are actual. I do not require your pity on this matter.

7. I am who I am. I can't change it just because someone else doesn't like it. I have to stop trying to!! I will never be perfect enough for some people. I am okay with that.

8. I have been blessed and cursed. It is a blessing, but somedays it definitely feels like a curse. I have to get over that too.

9. I regret a lot of things in my life. I need to stop beating myself up over them.

10. If you are still reading this, you are a pretty good friend, I should keep you! Seriously though, I love all of you. And I hope that you can forgive my faults, and journey with me on this crazy ride called life. Destiny is calling, take her hand with me?

Me, Myself and I

I have come to several conclusions recently. IDK what they mean, but they are my truths. You can take them or leave them! :)

1. I was never meant to be a girly girl. Now, most of that is because of circumstance. When you have been through everything I have you build up walls to secure yourself. You either lose the girliness and protect yourself or you flaunt and give up, because you will always be taken advantage of. I chose the first apparently.

2. My destiny/fate, has been there all along, I've just been to silly to notice. My fate is Acting/Writing. And somehow Wentworth Miller is involved.

3. I will probably always be the friend and not the girlfriend. I'm okay with this now. I used to freak about it, but now I'm okay.

4. I love children. I adore them, they are wonderful. But they are not for me. Therefore, whilst you may laugh since throughout my life I have wanted a varying number *between 6-16* I realized I don't want them at all.

5. I can't believe it took me SOOOOO long to finally realize that Vegitarian was the way to go.

6. There are demons in my life. Some are people, some are actual. I do not require your pity on this matter.

7. I am who I am. I can't change it just because someone else doesn't like it. I have to stop trying to!! I will never be perfect enough for some people. I am okay with that.

8. I have been blessed and cursed. It is a blessing, but somedays it definitely feels like a curse. I have to get over that too.

9. I regret a lot of things in my life. I need to stop beating myself up over them.

10. If you are still reading this, you are a pretty good friend, I should keep you! :) Seriously though, I love all of you. And I hope that you can forgive my faults, and journey with me on this crazy ride called life. Destiny is calling, take her hand with me?

Bananas and Peanut Butter (dA)

Journal Entry: Thu Mar 6, 2008, 1:34 PM

• Mood: Annoyed
• Listening to: Rex Harrison
• Watching: My Fair Lady
• Drinking: Smoothie

I don't know why i'm writing today, i just am.
I am rather confused, confused about men.... they are rather confusing and I fear I will never understand them. *I apologize to all who read this who are of the male persuasion*
I am currently trapped on the train of "wanna write, but can't". Its going a little to fast for me to get off of it without breaking something. and I'm watching "My Fair Lady" which is a lovely movie and I hope one day to be in a production of it. It makes me happy.

Those claps were for Rex Harrison in this lovely movie.
Lol
Sarai