Awake and not wanting to be... (dA)

Journal Entry: Sun Aug 31, 2008, 6:57 PM

• Mood: Longing
• Listening to: the tv blaring
• Eating: Ramen
• Drinking: Lemonade

This is going to be short.

In essence:
Check out my lastest poems, leave me comments/feedback. Because i needs feedback!!

Write me if you have any questions.

I am busy trying to be silly and in love, so stick with me and we'll figure stuff out soon.

Therein Lies Madness

Banish the demons of nights wasted and forgotten.
Forget I ever met you, or gazed upon your visage.
I wish I could remember the times when love lie within.
Herein forever-more only lies Madness.

Insanity wrapped her arms about my ragged shoulders,
breathing her sweeter poisons into my blood.
I guess that's what happens when the dark claims you.
Grasp the air in hungry fists, to full of moonlight's blood.

Now I am made of china, cracked and chipped,
a doll that has long been abandoned. The bones are
brittle, the taste of irony and semen spill out of my
lips. Who knew dolls could be violated and spoiled?

Standing up, my bones are shattered, my blood is
tainted with your impurities. Your needles are on the
floor, the bite marks imprinted on the skin around
the stains.

The apple rolls away from her perfect lips, that one
bite seals her fate. She is china too, except she is
perfect. Behind those violet eyes lies the madness in
my soul, creeping up behind to steal us both.

Ebony flakes of thought flutter down to us, trapped
like black butterflies in glass jars. Our tears wrap
crystal arms about the hour-glasses, shaped by our
destinies entwined and adored by lust.

Puppets on our strings, dancing to music that no one
can hear. Therein lies our madness, the drugs fill
our veins, catalyzed by the pain. Morphed by caged
butterflies and forbidden desires.

Can’t Sleep...

You can always tell that it is pretty bad when not even Gackt can help me sleep. Normally, if I am tired all I have to do is play "Dispar" by Gackt twice on my MP3 and off to dream world I go. But not tonight. I listened to "Dispar" 4 times before I finally gave up, if I didn't konk after the second time it isn't going to happen.

I did sleep for a little bit earlier this evening. I slept from about 1:45 to about 4:20, so almost 3 hours. I hate that, not being able to sleep. Part of it is because I keep having nightmares. Awful nightmares, where I am usually being raped, or my little sister is killed. Or most recently I had a nightmare about a young woman I miss very much by the name of Mai.

Mai was a foreign exchange student from Japan. She stayed with us when I was about 10 years old. She stayed about 2 months, before going on to her other host family. I dreamt that I got to see her again and that she was pregnant. At some point or another, an evil person cut a hole in her belly button and then pulled her child (by the umbilical cord) out of her belly button and then viciously dismembering said child. It was understood that after that Mai committed suicide. Though it had a Cube moment right before she killed herself.

Maybe if these nightmares wouldn't go into graphic detail I would be able to sleep. I actually didn't have a nightmare tonight, I just dreamt about the music playing in my headphones (e.g. Cher, Gackt, Ashley Tisdale, etc...).

On a happier note, I have a new little sister. I calls her Pomegranate, but her actual name is Megan. She is Amazing and I loves her!! Megan = Love! *giggle* She is so wonderful, she adores Alice Nine (especially Tora. Then again, who doesn't love Tora?!) and she loves to give picture comments. I have never received so many pic comments in my entire time on MySpace as I have since I added her to my friends list. She is a very wonderful young woman and you should all go and see how pretty she is! She is under the name Pomegranate on my friends list.

You know what pisses me off (Besides Paris Hilton that is)? When people treat me like I'm a two year old. Bossy, know-it-alls who think they have the right to tell me what I should and shouldn't do. That PISSES me off.

For example, at church yesterday, a lady friend of mine told me that
a. I was weak (she said, "You know people who are weaker have a tendancy to follow stronger personalities. So you should choose wisely who you are with. And dear, you are not strong.")
b. I am apparently "not mature" enough to raise a child. She said that I couldn't raise Hannah because I'm not mature enough. WTF?! I could raise her better than Wes could! She would be better off with me, than him. And she was telling me that I "couldn't take a minor across state lines", "you have to provide medical insurance, education..." Well the thing is that Wes is trying to take Hannah to Pennsylvania because if he doesn't go he will lose his job at GE. And if he loses his job he won't be able to provide Hannah with medical insurance or anything else.

Explain to me what is so wrong with telling my sister that she can live with me? If I have a job and a place for her to stay, why shouldn't I let her live with me? I think it is wrong that Wes is putting her through this and if it is easier on her mental health to be with me, then she should be with me. End of story.

Oh and Donnie almost asked me to marry him yesterday. It was adorable.

The Great Diary Disaster (well, almost...)

Okay, it isn't a disaster yet, but I accidentally left my diary at my boyfriend's house and I'm asking everyone to pray that no one picks it up and reads it!! I DO NOT WANT TO EXPLAIN STUFF WRITTEN IN THERE!!! *cries*

How is everyone today in my blog world? Anything happening that anyone wants to talk about? I don't have much to blog about these days. My god-son still hasn't arrived, but soon, hopefully. I love him and I hope he is here soon.

Oh, something that makes me violently ill:
Paris Hilton doing this http://www.filmschoolrejects.com/images/paris-hilton-audrey-hepburn.jpg

Imitating Audrey Hepburn. Pretending that she is as good as Audrey. THAT PISSES ME OFF! In case you couldn't tell.

1. Audrey Hepburn actually did go to Africa. She helped thousands of people with medicine and food. She touched so many lives.
2. Audrey Hepburn never went to jail because she was drinking and driving. Then try to get out of it by threatening not to eat.
3. Audrey Hepburn doesn't have a video of her having sex with some random man floating around on the net. She was always very classy and wasn't showing off. She did what she did, because she cared, not because she needed the world to love her. The world loved her because she did what she believed in.

That is it for today. Anything you want to hear me ramble about feel free to comment or message me and I will do that to the best of my knowledge. I think my next blog will be about abortion and why it makes me so violently ill. Or maybe I'll blog about the war on terrorism. Or Barack Obama. One never knows.

There is Air, but no way to Breathe It.

I'm scared. I'm going to admit that now, I am really scared. I have been having so many asthma attacks since I've been back in Indiana. And today, I ran out of medicine. I have absolutely NO inhaler to rescue me if I can't breathe.

And the worse part is that I have NO insurance so I can't go to a doctor to get more.

Obviously, I'm trying to remain calm about this, because being upset is only going to make it worse, but I don't know what to do. Prayers would be helpful, from everyone who reads these. I want to be able to breathe!!

Maybe Tomorrow will be Brighter... (to Pomegranate)

She is standing on the brink. Afraid to jump in,
afraid to continue standing still. Life is passing her fast,
rushing past in blurry pink and crimson moments.
Letting go is harder than she thought,
confused a moment and desperate for a reason.

Maybe it would be easier to shut herself away,
hide from the world's crueler pastimes. Admit she died,
admit that the world crumbled around her. Admit wrong,
confess love, die peacefully, in harmony with the pain.
Maybe tomorrow will be brighter, prettier than this.

Dreaming of moments not tinged in ebony highlights,
she hopes and she prays. Is it possible to leave emptiness?
What's the point? Is there one? Or do we just exist?
Music will continue to play, lovers will continue to dance,
but where will they go when the moments are over?

Beauty sleeps on her satin bed, beside roses lie dead.
A tender kiss upon forgotten lips, she won't wake again.
Molten emotions singe the clock's unfeeling hands,
grasp the falling stars and ride them down to Hell's open gate.
Awake to the brighter tomorrow, stolen from Hate.

hide (he-day) your mind (for fawn)

She's bleeding black and pink,
sharp ribbons of broken textures
falling all about. The wires
are exposed, let the machines twist
your brain. The spiders escape the
mind's eye, twisted webs that capture
and rape the silence's bruised butterfly.

She's bleeding crimson and blue,
strange hues, merging and changing
from two into one. She's falling in
love with the man, a lemoned ice
cream passing between a decade of
lonesome longing.

She's bleeding green. Its a final moment
she knows, she can't let go. Its okay,
moments like these were meant to
last. Forget everything, a honeyed blade
cuts the skin. Scanners take her mind,
drag the memories out one by one.

She's bleeding lemon. Escape the body,
let it out. Flames engulf her, this sadness
won't last long. Grab hold of the moon,
take it down. The weeping of the guitar at
the loss echoes through the night. This
pink spider has flown.

Boyfriend Syndrome

I know everyone is going to be tired of hearing about Donnie by the end of this, but I have to tell you all about what he did last night at Bethany's Church!

To begin with, Bethany's church is a Pentecostal/Apostolic church. For those of you who may have never been to a church like Bethany's I will explain.

Pentecostal/Apostolic do not believe in Women cutting their hair. They believe that when the Holy Ghost (Part of the "Trinity" which is Father, Son and Holy Ghost) enters you that you are given the ability to speak in tongues, dream dreams (have visions), cast out demons and heal the sick. (Bethany correct me if I'm wrong or feel free to add other information.) They do not believe in women wearing pants/slacks also. They believe that the Holy Ghost (or Holy Spirit) moves you to do many different things, if you feel led to run around the church you do, if you feel led to speak in tongues (to speak in foreign languages you are not fluent or prior knowledge of said language) you do, sometimes the Holy Spirit just moves you to move. I would encourage anyone to try going to a Pentecostal church at least once to get an understanding of what I'm saying.

Moving on. Bethany had asked if Donnie and I would come to church with her. And I actually enjoy going to church with Bethany because I love hanging out with her and sometimes church is the only time we get to hang out. So she and her parents picked us up from my mom's apartment yesterday. While we are helping out one of Bethany's neighbors, she tells me that Paul is going to be at church.

Paul, for those who don't know him (which would be no one besides Bethany, I believe), went to school with me for a while. He has always given me the creeps, but I have tried to be friends with him. I actually used to like him very much before he became a christian. About a year or so ago we had a falling out over some things (actually someone) that were going on in his church (Bethany's). We actually hadn't spoken since then really. Except for an occasional hello here and there. Since the falling out I have been very apprehensive about being around him. But then again, most men make me incredibly nervous to begin with.

We arrive at church and I have explained to Donnie about Paul. Turns out that Donnie is very protective of me (aws!). Then here comes Paul. I shake his hand, introduce him to Donnie and tell him about what is going on with me. I tell him about how my mom is getting divorced and we lost custody of Hannah, how I now live in Oklahoma. He flips out about my mom getting divorced and is generally shocked by all that I had to say. The entire time that we are talking Donnie has his arm around my shoulders and is shooting Paul evil looks. Paul walks away for a few minutes and talks to other people then comes up to us again and begins talking about stuff that I don't even remember now. I think he was asking about how long Donnie and I had been going out. Then he walks away again.

A little bit later, during a very chaotic part of the service (people are running around, jumping up and down, crying and speaking in tongues), Paul comes up to me and grabs me. He has hold of my elbow and is trying to force my arms into the air. He is in my face telling me that I need to surrender to God, that I need to lift my hands and genuinely worship Jesus Christ. That I need to tell Jesus that I love him out loud. He says that I'm full of hate and confusion and that Surrender is the only way to get rid of it. He then informs me that he isn't letting go of me until I surrender. I am trying to argue with him, saying that I'm okay and that I can't surrender if he has got hold of my arm. I have lifted my hands by now (I have been holding onto Donnie's hand this entire episode as well) trying to acquiesce to Paul's request. He keeps telling me that I have to close my eyes. So I close my eyes.

By now he has me in such a nervous state that I am apparently shaking and flinching away from Paul's touching me. I can feel Donnie getting angrier and angrier as he has started to shake, at one point he makes a move forward like he is going to punch Paul. I push him back and say I'm fine. Apparently while my eyes were closed he poked Paul and gave him a venomous look. Paul got up and left, but during the rest of the service he kept staring at me like he was going to come back over to us.

Then after church is over, Paul comes up to me again. He begins to apologize about his behaviour, saying that it wasn't the right time, that he shouldn't have been pushing me and all sorts of other things. I just stand there in shock for a second. I have known Paul for 5 or 6 years now and he has NEVER apologized for anything. Its just not something he does. After he walks away thats when Donnie tells me about poking him and giving him a death look.

Another incident was with another young gentleman who was at Bethany's church happened as well. His name is Isaac. Now, don't get me wrong, I like Isaac. He is a good guy. My main issue with him is that he doesn't know when to stop trying to force his views on you. He is very preachy, which isn't always a bad thing unless he is preaching AT you. I had warned Donnie about Isaac as well.

Isaac comes up and begins talking to us. He asks Donnie what church he goes to, to which Donnie says "I'm Agnostic". He asks what that means, Donnie explains and then Isaac starts gearing up and beginning to preach. I was so proud of Donnie at that moment because he was polite. He could've started cussing or gotten mad, but he was polite to Isaac. He simply said "Stop it." Isaac looked confused for a moment, and repeated "Stop it?". Donnie said, "Yes, stop it. I feel that it is very disrespectful to my beliefs that you are trying to force me to change them. I won't try to dissuade your beliefs so please extend me the same courtesy." (Not even kidding, those are his EXACT words!) Isaac looked stunned a moment than asked, "Well then, can you scooted over a little bit so I can pray over your girlfriend?" which Donnie acquiesced to.

A few minutes later (After Isaac prayed over me) Isaac comes back up to Donnie and says "You know, I feel like you are in bondage. I don't know what kind of bondage you are in, but I just want you to know that Christ Jesus can set you free." To which, Donnie replies (with a straight face) "Actually, I'm into bondage." Isaac blushed and then walked away. I was trying not to laugh, but I was. I just couldn't believe that he said that!

A few moments later, Isaac gives me a gesture saying "come here". I walk over to him and he says "I think your boyfriend is into some weird stuff."
I reply, "Yes, he is. But he is a good man."
Then Isaac tells me "I know that you believe in God with all your heart and that you try to follow Him. Don't you?" He knows my answer is yes, but he wants confirmation I guess. I nod. "Then why are you unequally yoked? He doesn't believe in your God and the bible says to not be unequally yoked with a non-believer." I look at him and tell him the truth. "He does worship my God, he just worships him in a different way than Me. And I don't feel unequally yolked." I told him that I had prayed about it and I knew that Donnie was the one I was supposed to be with, but that if he wanted to pray then he should. He said he would. Then he prayed with me for my family and we went home.

All in all, I just found out how much my boyfriend loved me. Admittedly, I was a little worried that he didn't really love me that much. But after he stood up for me against Paul, I knew. I have never had anyone stand up for me before. No one has been able to. But he did and he was protective of me, holding me when I was shaking so hard I thought I would fall down. I never knew there was a guy out there who was like that. I have only ever gotten the bad ones, but he is wonderful. I often said that I would believe it when one guy could prove to me that they are not all the same. And Donnie did that last night.

No matter what might happen with us in the future, we will always be friends because he was the first guy to stand up for me.

Boyfriend Syndrome (dA)

Journal Entry: Mon Aug 25, 2008, 3:12 PM

• Mood: Sadness
• Listening to: Disturbia - Rihanna
• Eating: Butter Pecan Ice Cream
• Drinking: Mt. Dew

Nothing new going on right now, besides the loss of my sister.

We have officially lost custody of Hannah. She now belongs to my step-father. Which pisses me off to no end, but what choice have I?

I will not be returning to Oklahoma until December unfortunately. That pisses me off too. But no job = no money which = no way to get back. :sigh:

but i have a loving boyfriend so i guess it will all work out.

Losing Hannah (The Not so Pleasant Sequel)

As most of you know my mother lost custody of Hannah to my step-father last month. Today my mother told Wes that she is going to send a letter to the judge letting him have primary custody of Hannah. I understand her reasons, but it still hurts like hell.

Hannah told me last night that she wants to live with me. Which just about tore my heart into pieces. I know this is all really hard on her, but no judge is going to let me have custody when my current situation prevents me from retaining a job. I told her that when I get a job then she can live with me, but I don't think it will happen. I have been trying to prepare myself for this, but I hate it. I hate losing my sister for the second time this year. Not to mention that Wes is supposed to be moving to Pennsylvania so he can keep his job with General Electric (GE).

Not to mention that I'm dealing with going back to Oklahoma and having my Boyfriend and wishing I knew what to do to make this world a better place. I am so fucking frustrated right now. And I feel like I'm letting everyone down. Donnie told me today that I have to learn when to let it go, but I can't let it go. I keep trying, but I can't.

Evisceration

Her eyes are oozing with honeyed sins. Things she keeps forgotten inside.
They are eating her inside out, pulling out the darkness through dripping fangs.
She clings to the mirror, gazing at her horrendous visage as the sins come
to the surface. Dorian Gray's beautiful protege, transformed into a monster.

The lights twirl above her, they make no sense. The voices are screaming,
she tries to push them out. Tries to make them be quiet. Her mind is twisting,
she can't think, can't breathe. Chained and mutilated by the consequences of
living this life.

Her body is ripped apart, eviscerated and gaping. The inner-workings
of her frame burst open, blooming like bloody flowers against ivory skin. She
is emptied onto the floor, spilling love and sin over everything. Staining what
was once perfection's finest.

Disturbia (dA)

Journal Entry: Sun Aug 24, 2008, 7:28 AM

• Mood: Content
• Listening to: Disturbia - Rihanna
• Watching: Donnie sleep *giggle*
• Eating: Cheerios
• Drinking: Strawberry Milk

Today (August 24th) I have posted a new poem. Surprisingly I was able to write. I thought I was to happy to write any of my usual stuff, but I wrote anyway.

Hope you enjoy it.

Any other news, plans are in the works to try, once again, to get my hair to go purple w/ivory tips. If this doesn't work I've decided to go with blood red.

Posted a picture of said hair the other day and I hope you all enjoyed it.

I'm off of here, gotta go and see how the BF is doing!

How Prince Not-so-Charming got the girl (or: How Sarai Finally Got a Boyfriend)

Once upon a time...

Okay, so it wasn't exactly a fairy tale beginning. In fact when this story began I was anything but in love.

To begin, I found someone. A guy that I really like. Yes, this guy is real. No, he isn't famous. Yes, I know him in real life.

His name is Donnie (pictures of him can be found in my Friends and Family folder). He is a month and a day younger than me (I was born 9/25/1988 and he was born 10/26/1988). We love a lot of the same things to.
Including, but not limited to:
Strawberry Milk
Classical Music
J-Rock
Foreign horror films
Movies that screw with your mind
Philosophy
Dante
Machiavelli
Fire and
Cats.
And did I mention that he loves "Electric Cucumber" by hide?

I can hear the different questions forming:
"How did you meet?", "How long have you been together?", "Why is your blog titled 'Prince Not-so-Charming'?", etc.

To begin, I knew of Donnie in June when my mother told me that my brother, Christopher, had made a new friend. She described him to me as being very much like my brother, so at first I was thinking "Oh God, another Christopher." Other than that I didn't think any more about him.

Then, the day after I got back to Indiana, I met him. And, at first, he was anything but Prince Charming. Hence the title Prince Not-so-Charming. But that was only at first. After we got past his verbal meanness (which he has apologized for several times. He attributes it to "playful teasing". Or, his attempt at "playful".), we discovered that we had a lot in common. I have never connected with a man like I have with Donnie. In fact it almost seems like I'm in a dream half the time.

We are both open-minded, free spirits and I can't even begin to explain how unreal this feeling is. Not to mention that, for once, someone (to be specified, a man) likes me for ME.

He officially asked me out on August 5th and I said yes (obviously). And so far it has been really nice. We both have to get used to being with someone again (its been 3 years for both of us), but its really nice having someone I can talk to about anything.

The sadness of this situation is the fact that he can't come to Oklahoma with me when I go back. And I can't stay here. And yes, it is as shitty as it sounds. I guess I knew that it was to good to last long, but I plan on enjoying it while I can. Maybe things will change between now and when I go back to OK, but for now I just plan on living and loving like my life depends on it.

Virginity. To be specfic, Mine.

I confess:
I am a Virgin.

I have never given my body to any man (willingly) and I'm proud to say that I'm turning 20 in 38 days and I've maintained physical purity. (Though, I must say, it has been a rough ride!)

Now hold your applause, I'm not writing this so that you all will praise me. I'm actually writing this because its something I've been thinking about recently. A lot of my friends have been asking me, why? I intend to answer these questions.

1. "Why are you still holding onto it?"
Why not? This is special. I can only give my virginity once. And besides, Fawn says I can't lose my virginity until I"m 25 and I'm only able to lose it to Pata. *giggle* Yes, Fawn apparently only approves of Pata in the case of who to lose my virginity to. (Though I think, my boyfriend might have something to say about that!) Going back to seriousness though, I don't want to just give this away to someone who is going to just throw it away and never appreciate the gift I just gave to them. When the guy comes along that I'm ready to give this to, you will probably know. *blush*

2. "Why are you so picky?"
Once again, why would I want to just give this to someone who doesn't care about me or the gift I just gave them? I care about who I love. I don't want to rush into anything with anyone. I'm waiting for the guy who will appreciate me and my body. I am worth waiting for.

3. "Why not just get the problem taken care of now?"
Since when is virginity a "problem"? When did it become socially unacceptable to be a virgin? What is wrong with wanting to save myself for the man I will want to be with forever? Virginity isn't a curse, it isn't a "problem" and I'm tired of people saying that!
What makes us think (as a country) that it is okay to not be a virgin? Shouldn't we strive for purity? I'm not saying that we should stop having sex all together, sex was created by God for man and woman's pleasure. Sex is a beautiful thing, but recently its gotten over-commercialized and over-used. Now-a-days sex is causal. Maybe thats why my being a virgin is frowned upon?
Another reason would be Hollywood and Social figures like Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan. Young women today see these public figures and thinks thats what she should do. Hollywood says Sex = Love. But truth of the matter is Sex does NOT = Love. No matter what Hollywood says.
We have a real problem in this country where 10-12 year old children are having sex, getting pregnant and getting disease because they are looking for "love".
So, why not take care of my "problem"? Because I don't see that I have a problem. I have realized, in my 20 years of life, that I love myself enough to wait. I care about what happens to this body and who I will share it with. I have no problem.

4. "But you have to test drive the car before you buy it!"
I hate it when people say this phrase.
A. I am not a car. I do not need "test driving" before you "buy" me. What if you don't like what I have? You have just cheapened one of the most beautiful things two people can share into something disgusting, in my opinion.
B. How many "cars" have you "test driven" before you got to me?
I hate this, because it cheapens the whole act of two people giving themselves to someone they care about. The phrase reduces me to nothing but a mound of flesh that is to be "tested" and then, possibly, purchased. And I might not even be good enough to be "purchased".
So, using this analogy I give you another.
I have never driven, so I'm going to be just as happy with an old clunker as I would be with a Porsche. I won't know if the Porsche has a smoother ride or if it has leather seats or anything like that. I'll be happy with my old clunker because I haven't driven anything else. The same goes with sex. If I maintain this virginity then I will be happy with whomever it is that I am with. Because I haven't experienced anyone else. And, to me, thats one of the beauties of it. I have nothing to compare it to. I will be content!

If anyone has any questions as to why I am still in this state of celibacy you may write me and I will give you other reasons besides the ones above.

You Can’t Take Me

Don't judge a thing until you know what's inside it
Don't push me - I'll fight it
Never gonna give in - never gonna give it up no
If you can't catch a wave then
you're never gonna ride it
You can't come uninvited
Never gonna give in - never gonna give it up no
You can't take me I'm free

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cnZXYwtoOic

I am who I am and I'm tired of people trying to take me when I belong to no one!! I am and will always be free!!!

Don't try to change who I am, don't try to push me down, I'm fed up with it and so I'm not going to do it anymore. I love me (finally!!) and I'm not going back to being pushed around.

Try and take me. I dare you. *gives a "come and get it" look*

Our World and the people that could help, but don’t.

*Disclaimer*
This blog reflects my opinions and not necessarily those of MySpace and/or Tom. If you are offended by anything I say, don't continue reading.

Okay the blog I promised. Yes, I'm about to rant about something else I've been thinking over. I know that those who've been subscribed since the beginning have endured several (topics including, but not limited to: Holidays, my family, people who rape children, etc.). I just can't seem to help writing on topics that move me. If you don't like it you may refer to the above disclaimer.

Moving on: People who could help out our world (because they have the money to) but won't for whatever foolish reason.

Prime Example: Paris Hilton (whom I've also ranted about in the past). She has all this money that could go towards charities or feeding children who are starving on the streets, or some other worthy cause. Instead it is spent on the latest clothes, drinking/partying, cars, cellphones, custom shoes and bailing her ass out of jail. Remember how she was going to go to Africa after she got out of jail? Granted it was only to save the elephants, but she still should've gone through with it. As of today, she still has not gone to Africa.

Now there are some people who have picked a cause and stuck with it. Not all "famous" people are selfish and greedy.

Hayden Panettiere has been fighting for the safety of whales for a while now. She has been using her status as an actress to get more support for these gentle giants. I think its cool that she cares about the environment and Earth's animals.

I don't understand it, really. Why aren't more "famous" people (and regular people too doing things like Hayden? Why aren't more people in general trying to help out? If someone could explain it to me, I'd appreciate it.

Who needs a huge house? Who needs 15 cars? These, so-called, famous peoplehave the money to help out, but it gets blown on superfluous materials (i.e. drugs, alcohol, cars, big houses, etc). Not to mention that these material things they can't even take care of themselves! My mother says that it is an economy without which we could not survive. THese people provide work for others, so it still works out.

Someone asked me once, why do I want to be "famous"? So people would remember me long after I'm gone? So I can finally have nice things? Truth of the matter is this: it is ALL about the Money. If I'm going to preach how more people with the cash should help out then I damn well better practice what I preach.

I want to help! Did you know that there are millions of children starving to death every year? And its not just in foreign countries, either. There are thousands (maybe millions) of children HERE in the USA who die every year from starvation and neglect. They live in Rural areas and, news bulletin, Feed the Children does NOT help the children here in the States. They only help those over-seas.

Another tidbit: There are thousands of people without health insurance here in the states (myself included). These people still get sick and still need healthcare. Then there are thousands of who would like to further their education (myself included) who do not qualify for financial aid or their scholarships get taken away (my friend, Sam, had her scholarships yanked and her grants taken away even though she did everything required of her). I could go on and on about the many different things that are going on that those who are financially blessed can help out with, but don't.

I do not need a huge house or 15 cars or fancy dresses I would only wear once. A roof over my head, a car that runs, food to eat, thats all I really need.

Why be greedy? If I have millions then why not share with everyone else? Why not help those who need it? In the end you can't take your money with you so share the wealth.

I guess what I'm trying to say is this:
If God (or whoever runs this universe) has blessed you with wealth of a monetary kind, give to other people!! And even if you don't have that much money to give, give your time. I.E. Volunteer. If we have the means and/or the opportunity to help out then we should!

And, just for clarification, I'm not trying to show off my virtues. I cannot say, for certain, that I wouldn't be just as greedy as Paris Hilton if I had the money she does. I hope I wouldn't, but I can't predict the future.

Just for everyone to know, this is the first installment of "Issues that Sarai is outspoken, passionate and opinionated about" series of blogs.

In the meantime, take care and I hope someone who reads this takes it to heart. If even one person tries to help out after reading this (or other blogs) I've done my job.

Still Living... :D (dA)

Journal Entry: Mon Aug 18, 2008, 10:00 AM

• Mood: Euphoric
• Listening to: Dance like there is no tomorrow - Paula Abdul
• Reading: Exquisite Corpse
• Watching: Donnie sleep *giggle*
• Eating: nothing
• Drinking: Chai tea.

Hey everyone!!! I know, its been FOREVER, but I'm still ticking. Been a little under the weather and have been in a place where there is NO internet. *sigh*

Good news, I gots me a boyfriend!! I know, Sarai is finally stepping out of her shell. I loves him...

Soon, I promise to attempt to write some poetry, but right now I'm in one of those dry spells. Forgive me!!

I promise to favorite everyone's work later when I have more time, but I still love you all. Even if I am busy as hell.

Godson still hasn't been born, but sometime this month he should arrive. yay godsons!!

Did I mention that I've gone almost 24 hours without sleep today? No? Well I have... I am going to go and crash now, to everyone!!