Ode to Randomness (dA)

Journal Entry: Fri Feb 29, 2008, 1:57 PM

• Mood: Speechless
• Listening to: Sting : If I ever Lose My Faith in You
• Watching: The News
• Playing: "I don't think about him today"
• Drinking: Pepsi

In a aother attempt to combat the evils of boredom, I have chosen to include in this journal, a number of my favorite quotes of all time.
I feel some twinge of pity for those of you who acutally put up with reading these, as I'm sure that I am rather boring.
BTW... My good friend Callibre ( [link] ) has left dA for a time. Possible for 3 to 6 weeks. Please go and look at her work, she is very talented!! We want her to come back to a full inbox of favorites and comments!!
to all who actually go to her site!!

Now for the quotes!!!

"Dear World, I am leaving because I am bored. I feel I have lived long enough. I am leaving you with your worries in this sweet cesspool. Good luck." George Sander's suicide note.

"Every truth has two sides; it is as well to look at both, before we commit ourselves to either." Aesop

"Death is one moment, and life is so many of them." Tennessee Williams

"If the writing is honest it cannot be separated from the man who wrote it." Tennessee Williams

"Revenge is Savage Justice" Francis Bacon

"Beauty itself is but the sensible image of the Infinite." Francis Bacon

"The belief in a supernatural source of evil is not necessary. Men alone are quite capable of every wickedness." Joseph Conrad

"When you look long into an abyss, the abyss looks into you." Nietzsche

"Nothing is permanent in this wicked world - not even our troubles." Charles Chaplin

"The torture of a bad conscience is the hell of a living soul." John Calvin

"Live as if you were to die tomorrow, learn as if you were to live forever." Gandhi

"Ideology separates us. Dreams and anguish bring us together." Eugene Ionesco

"Before you embark on a jouney of revenge, dig two graves." Confucius

What it Seems

I seem to have it all, so clear and defined. I am living the perfect life.
And you don't see me when I'm falling, no I hide that away from your sight.
Yes, I have it all, like Ariel, I got treasures galore. At least thats what you see. But isn't it hard for you to see without sight?

I wait until you leave, to let these tears fall fast and hard. I am so darkened,
so hidden in these shadows, that all you see is the outer shell. Take a deeper look, stop for a moment and actually open your eyes to see what is going on within this beautiful corpse.

Yes, I have the perfect life, perfect everything. I am what you wish you were, but you don't see the Hell that stands behind the glitter. If you dig deep enough you might actually learn something. I am pent up, about to explode, about to overflow and all you see is the outside.

The Side of the Road

And I stand on the side of the road, watching him drive away, his car becoming smaller and smaller against the wall of horizon. I sit on my suitcase, tattered and ripped from my travels. I have searched long and hard for these moments that seem to escape this troubled heart. I have walked away from this life only to live it again with more pain and less zeal.

I wish he would drive back, turn that black ford around, and pick me up again. But there is no sign of that happening. I pick up my suitcase and walk down the road, the dust whipping about and dancing in a most miraculous way. I do not have time to watch it. These burdens are getting heavier with every step I take. And there is no place to rest, they are all miles away.

It is starting to grow darker, the heavy black cape falling over everything in shadow and silhouettes. The sun fades into the abyss of sand ahead of me, drowning so beautifully beneath the rough waves of desert. The moon is rising triumphant, born as Aphrodite from the sea, her long black hair covering everything.

The stars appear, as if beckoned by the howls of discontent that spring from the throats of wolves. I walk down the middle of the road, my suitcase left behind for it was to heavy to bring along. If only I could find someone to pick me up, take me to a quite room where I could sleep, ignore these nightmares, stave off these dreams.

I recite Shakespeare to the sky, to pass the time. I have left my shoes about ten feet behind me. Heels were not made for roads like this. I am shivering, almost willing to turn back to get my sweater from my to heavy suitcase that lies several yards behind. Who knew the desert could be so cold when the Sun is not high?

And the sweetest lies float through my head, owls hooting in the background. He isn't coming back, and I feel like I'm drowning on land, can't breathe or move. I am standing on the side of the road, my lungs collapsing within me, they are full of water it seems. The headlights that approach me do not stop or even look, they journey on, flying past as if I did not exist.

The ghosts are falling further and further behind. How far have I walked? A mile? Two? I do not know. I only know that my shoes can no longer be seen and that I have almost forgotten my suitcase. Strains of Native American music seem to twist about me, entangling my arms and legs in the sounds, pulling me back up then setting me back down.

I'm not even moving now. I'm to tired and to cold to continue moving. So I lie in the middle of the road, still faintly warm from the kiss of the sun. I think of him, his car flying down the road, fleeing the ghosts, fleeing me. Tears of unknown origin seem to fall from my eyes. I can't seem to find the reasons why.

And, once again, I stand on the side of the road, watching him drive away, his car becoming smaller and smaller against that wall of the horizon. I am sitting on my suitcase, tattered and ripped from all my running. I have searched to long and to hard for those moments that do not exist. I have walked from one evil into the next.

So confused (dA)

Journal Entry: Thu Feb 28, 2008, 12:14 AM

• Mood: Miserable
• Watching: Seven Samurai
• Drinking: Water

One, I should be praising that I have 501 page views... but i am in the throes of despair and confused beyond belief.

I don't know how many of you out there pray, but you should on my behalf if you do.

My living situations may have changed drastically. And something isn't right about where I am going... I DO NOT KNOW!!!

HELP!!!

The Time has come to Talk of Many things... (dA)

Journal Entry: Wed Feb 27, 2008, 11:20 AM

• Mood: Anger
• Eating: Chik Patties
• Drinking: Soda

Okay, I apologize to all of you out there who read this, but I am going to whine and complain!!!

I hate my job, I hate my family situation, I wanna get the hell out of here SOON!! and I'm broke. Not completely and totally broke, but broke none the less. I somehow managed to go from $118 to $20. Actually, I know how it happened. I just choose not to relate it here.

And I realized something today, I am such a FAILURE! I am 19 years old and I still haven't graduated High School. I'm getting ready to leave my parent's house to go and live in Oklahoma and I don't know how I'm going to get a job. I've never had a "Real" job. I've always worked for Volunteer jobs and my family. And you can't put family on applications.

I'm scared to death, because for once I know what the Hell I'm here for, but I have no idea how i'm going to do it!!

GRRRRRRVATION!!!!

100 Random Things About Moi (actually 50)

Because I felt like it I tried to compose a list of random facts about myself. I am only up to 50, anyone who has any suggestions as to random facts you know about me, feel free to tell me!!!

1. I gave up all meat (at 19)

2. I love Japanese Rock!!

3. I played the Red Knight in a version of "Alice through the Looking-Glass"

4. Hates candy corn

5. Writes poetry, short stories and some plays

6. I work oddjobs as a baby-sitter, cashier in a Christian bookstore, receptionist for a woman's ministry and house-cleaner.

7. I was born in California

8. Has Asthma, Arthiritis and several allergies

9. Am a Seventh Day Adventist

10. Am an Old Movie Buff

11. I have an IQ of 115

12. Most of my jewelry was created by my mom

13. I am an Alto

14. I speak some Spanish, French and Japanese (I am learning Japanese right now!)

15. I am allergic to Corn and Rice

16. My Favorite food is Vegitarian Big Franks

17. My Favorite animals include Horses, Cats and Snakes

18. I am terrified of spiders (Except for Pink Ones)

19. My Favorite color is Black

20. I am Cherokee, Irish, German, Dutch and English decent.

21. My birth name is Sarah Elizabeth LeTendre

22. I am a big fan of Josh Groban

23. I love Scrabble, Scattergories and Clue

24. I am a BIG fan of Wentworth Miller

25. My favorite time of year is Autumn

26. My favorite books include: "The Inferno" by Dante Alligheri, "Beloved" by Toni Morrison, "Gone with the Wind" by Margaret Mitchell and "Dracula" by Bram Stoker

27. My favorite author is William Shakespeare

28. I was home-schooled for most of my school years.

29. I am an amateur photographer

30. My favorite flower is a white rose

31. I knit and crochet

32. I broke my ring finger on my right hand when I was 7

33. I hate shoes

34. I love Mythology, History and Fantasy

35. I have naturally curly, black, hair

36. I have 5 adopted siblings, 1 whole brother and 6 half siblings

37. I was raised in Indiana

38. I wanted to marry Elvis Presley when I was 2

39. My parents got divorced when I was 2 1/2

40. My favorite movies include: "Sweeney Todd", "The Human Stain", "Young Frankenstein", "A Patch of Blue" and "Bringing Up Baby"

41. My favorite superhero is Batman

42. My favorite TV shows include: "Prison Break", "Family Guy", "Remington Steele" and "Law and Order: SVU"

43. My personal heroes include my mother, Pharoah Hatshepsut, Marilyn Monroe, My High School Theatre Arts Teacher (Mr. Jim Coppedge), Barach Obama, Abraham Lincoln, hide and Steve Irwin.

44. My great-grandfather played cards with Al Capone

45. Grandfather was best friends with Barbara Stanwyck's son

46. I love Alice in Chains, Gackt, Trapt, hide, Miyavi, Seether, Crossfade, Josh Groban, Alice 9, Dir en Grey, Beethoven, Mozart, Paramore, Fallout Boy, Michael Jackson, Jim Croce, A Perfect Circle, Nicole Nordeman, Emmy Rossum, Frank Sinatra, Jupiter Rising and Barbra Streisand.

47. I collect used stamps

48. I collect fortune cookie fortunes

49. I collect dried flowers

50. My favorite villian is the Joker

Everything you could possibly want to know (or not)(dA)

Journal Entry: Tue Feb 26, 2008, 12:34 AM

• Mood: Unhappy
• Listening to: Sweeney Todd
• Eating: Chik Patties
• Drinking: Soda

1) Name: Sarai

2) Male/Female: Female, obviously

3) Were you named after anyone? Yes

4) Does your name mean anything? Stubborn, Princess

5) Nick Name(s): Sarah, Sara Belle, Sara Ha Ha

6) What do you think you look like name wise: First, I know what I like. And it is Breka (burr - e - ka) Aaron for a boy. And Troian Isolde for a Girl

7) Date Of Birth: 25 September

8) Place of Birth and Current Location: Stanford University Hospital Palo Alto California. Lothlorien, place of the elves.

9) Nationality: Caucasian

10) Astrology Sign: Libra

11) Chinese Astrology Sign: Dragon

12) what’s your favourite smell?! Roses and Gasoline (strange, I know)

13) Political Position? In the middle

14) What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Soda!!

15) Hair + Eye colour: Hair is back/brown. Eyes are black/brown, depending on my mood. Black if i'm pissed

16) Do you look like anyone famous? I look like an overweight version of Emmy Rossum. We have the same curly hair and same facial structure.

17) What do you look like? A Person

18) Any unusual talents? I can switch from accent to accent and then back to my normal without even thinking

19) Righty, Lefty, or Ambidextrous? Righty

20) Gay, Straight, Bi, or Other? Straight as far as I know...

21) What do you do for a living? I clean houses for little old ladies

22) What do you do for fun? I write, I act, I photograph

23) What are your favourite art materials to work with? Pencil, Camera, Jewelry, Paper and my mind

24) What would you like to work with? Oils

25) Have you met your grandparents? Yes

26) Boyfriend: Non-Existent

27) Crush: Wentworth Miller and Gackt

28) What celebrity would you date if you could? Wentworth Miller!!! *faint*

29) Current worries? Moving, plays, my weight, my family

30) Favourite online Guy/Girl: Francesco (guy)/Fawny (girl) and I only have them as favs, cause they are online the most

31) Favourite place to be? The beach

32) Least favourite place to be? The doctor's office

33) Do you burn or tan? I burn, then tan

34) Ever break a bone? Yes

35) What is your favourite cereal? Golden Grahams

36) Person you cry with: IDK!!! How the hell am I supposed to pick someone to cry with?!

37) Any sisters: Several (5 to be exact)

38) Any brothers: Several (7 to be Exact)

39) Any pets: 2 cats

40) An Illness: Asthma

41) A Pager: NOPE!

42) A Personal phone line: Not anymore

43) A Cell phone: nope

44) A visible birthmark: Not unless I have a sleevless shirt on.

45) A Pool or hot tub: I live in an apartment complex. So neither

46) A Car: Nope

Describe Your...
47) Personality: Slightly depressed, uses laughter as a defense mechanism... I am openminded and willing to lend myself to anyone who needs me.

48) Driving: I don't

49) Your clothing style: depends. Today it is all black

50) Room: non-existent. I sleep on the couch in my 'rents living room.

51) What’s missing: Wentworth Miller, a bubble bath and chocolate

52) School: was HELL!

53) Bed: couch

54) Relationship with your parent(s): Decent

Do You
55) Believe in yourself: not often

56) Do you believe in love at first sight? Not anymore

57) Consider yourself a good listener: Yes

58) Have a future dream that you would like to share? Yes.
I want to be famous. Reatively soon.

59) Get along with your parents: usually

60) Save your e-mail conversations: yes

61) Pray: sometimes

62) Believe in reincarnation: no

63) Brush your teeth twice a day? nope. i forget.

64) Like to talk on the phone: Usually

65) Like to eat? Vegitarian food, yes

66) Like to exercise? Sometimes

67) Like to watch sports? Football and Basketball. Some Equestrian.

68) Sing in the car? Yes

69) What is a dream that you have all the time? Wentworth Being my lover... lol

70) Dream in colour? usually

71) Do you have nightmares? Everyday

72) Sleep with a stuffed animal: Used to.

73) Right next to you: the camera, empty pop cans... the phone.

74) On your favourite coffee cup? Monroe County Bank Symbol

75) On your mouse pad: Dell

76) your favourite flavour of gum? Wintergreen

77) Favourite deodorant? Suave

78) Your dream honeymoon spot: Ireland

79) Your dream husband/wife: Wentworth Miller

80) Hiding in your closet? NO ONE!

81) Under your bed:Nothing

82) The name of one of your closest/best friends? ADC and Sarah Jo

84) Your worst fear(s): being raped

85) What's the weather like: rainy/snowy

86) your favourite time of year? Fall

87) Your favourite holiday? Martin Luther King Jr. Day

88) A material weakness? Alcohol

89) The weirdest food or drink that you like: um, IDK

90) At the top of your "to-do list"? lose weight

91) The hardest thing about growing up: Growing Up

92) A pet peeve?: Bad drivers

93) Your scariest moment: Falling off of a horse and almost breaking my hip because of it

94) Your attitude about love? IT FREAKING SUCKS!!!

95) The funniest or most desperate thing you've done to get the attention of the opposite sex? I dressed provocatively. lol

96) The worst feeling in the world: Loneliness

97) The best feeling in the world: Being Loved

98) Who sent this to you? I stole it from Callibre

99) Tag 6 more people: NOPE!!! They can tag themselves!!

Plays, Roses, Moving and other such Topics (dA)

Journal Entry: Sun Feb 24, 2008, 12:23 PM

• Mood: Anguish
• Listening to: some stupid show
• Reading: nothing
• Watching: nothing
• Playing: nothing
• Eating: nothing
• Drinking: Lemonade (as per usual)

Well, as my rather long title suggests this is going to be full of thoughts on various topics.

Plays (as a little boy told me last night) Is the Opposite of Pause.

Roses (as William Shakespeare put it) by any other name would smell just as sweet.

Moving is hard and whilst i'm excited, I'm stressed. I have 3 plays, work and moving. Then there is me and my family aren't getting along. I'm soooooooo stressed!!!

You Don’t Know Me (But I want You to)

You don't know me, you can't.
I won't let you in the door far enough to see.
I've tried, let you in as far as I could,
I'm crying, cause I can't open it further.
I want you to see, to know, to feel
what I do, what I know, what I see.
But I can't.

You don't know me, you can't.
I have been so cruelly used, I can't be
hurt anymore. I'll die. Can you try
to understand? Try to accept me, accept
this? I know I shouldn't ask you to, but
I can't let you in.
I can't.

You don't know me, you can't.
You can't see behind the walls built
behind these eyes. You don't know
the dreams, or the tears, or the sighs.
You can't know these things, I won't
let you in, but I want to.
But I can't.

And I'm so broken, to shattered to
let you see. To alone to ask for
company. And they say that Misery
loves company, she must truly
love me, for I have been her friend,
her confidante. I want to let you inside!
I can't.

Please don't ask me to trust you.
They all say trust me, then destroy me.
And I love you, love you so much
more than you can see. I'm to tired,
to hurt, to frozen. You don't know me,
you can't. I won't let you in.
I can't.

Don't hold me, don't say you love me,
it only makes it harder. Its easier
to say goodbye if you don't try.
And even though loving you is all I'll
ever do, I can't let you in, the door
is blocked. I want to.
But I can't.

I want to let you go. Forget you.
But I can't stop thinking how you will
never know me for who I am.
Because these walls, they protect
and they defend, and they hide who I
am inside. Please come inside,
But You can't.

100+ Deviations!! (dA)

Journal Entry: Wed Feb 20, 2008, 1:19 AM

• Mood: Awestruck
• Listening to: Gotta Go my Own Way...
• Drinking: Lemonade (as per usual)

YAYNESS!!! I have achieved 100+ deviations!!

Thank you to all who have looked at/favorited/commented on my works!! I appreciate all of you!!!

Sarai Lillie

Boredom, enemy of the Sarai (dA)

Journal Entry: Tue Feb 19, 2008, 2:16 AM

• Mood: Lazy
• Listening to: No Air by Jordin Sparks, Feat. Chris Brown
• Reading: nothing! :P
• Watching: Wentworth Miller be gorgeous!
• Playing: "i don't wanna go to bed"
• Eating: nothingness extrordinaire!
• Drinking: Lemonade (as per usual)

Yes, Boredom is here again. *everyone screams* I know what you are thinking, "Dear God! Save us, she is at it again!"
Yes, Well, don't read it if you don't want to! No one is holding a gun to your head saying "read Sarai's newest journal or die!" and if that is happening, simply tell them to read it too and then you can both enjoy my insanity!

I am in a play. 3 to be exact... One is "Alice Through the Looking-Glass" the sequel to "Alice in Wonderland". Someone adapted it for a play. I am the assistant stage manager and the red knight. I also moonlight throughout the play as the Red Queen's servent, protector of Humpty Dumpty, friend of the Tweedles and also having a terrible crush on the White Queen. (just for you to know, our production has men playing the queens and women playing the kings.)

The next play I'm in I play a young woman named Jane. She and the rest of her family are mourning the loss of their Patriarch in their own special ways.

And the final one I am in I play a God. God #3 for right now... I have decided to play it w/a drugged up hippie voice... which I'm apparently really good at.

The last two plays I mentioned are by local playwrights in the town I live in. The first (Jane) is called "To Life", the other (God#3) is "God save Life", could the directors be telling me I need a life?! probably not, but at any rate, moving on.

I absolutely adore the director of God Save Life. His name is Andy and he was born in Trinidad and he has the most AMAZING accent ever. I fancy myself to be a lover of accents, though I can only do a few really well. And his, takes the cake. I love it even more than an Australian accent, which makes me blush whenever I hear it.

What A Fool I was...

What a fool I was to trust my heart. What a stupid fool.
How could I have let myself believe in something not true,
I have longed, scratched and clawed, trying to find it,
but Love is a butterfly to soon dead upon the ground.

I believed in the words my heart had whispered, my mind
giving in to the sweetest of lies. I have lied to myself, thinking
I could actually fly. And all I've done is fall to the earth, the
wings ripped from my spine, my body crushed by the fall.

And though there always comes that moment when you have
to fall to survive it, I no longer hope. No longer feel. This skin
is cold, this heart will never heal. I am empty and forsaken,
betrayed by myself.

The whole while playing the game of truth and falsehood, waiting
on this tightrope, only to stumble and drown because of my
heart. Cease to beat, you wicked thing. Let me be, you sower of
lies. Why must I break myself down, torture and fight with myself?

So no more. I will not listen. My heart does not understand truth,
it seems to not understand anything at all. I wish it did.
I wish I could believe what I had hoped was truth, but how can
I when surrounded by all the evidence?

300 page views! (dA)

Journal Entry: Thu Feb 14, 2008, 12:14 AM

• Mood: Anger
• Listening to: Sarah by Kyo
• Reading: this
• Watching: the screen
• Playing: "i can't wait to get out of here!"
• Eating: delicious nothingness
• Drinking: Lemonade!

w00t!!! I have reached 300 pageviews!!!

Boring topic, I know. But it is better than the controversial topic on which I would love to pounce. But to save all of you I won't.

^^
Stop by say hi, give a shout out, or anything like that. Or you could mosey through my gallery and make me especially happy by finding something you wish to comment or fav!!!

*hugs*
Sarai

Devious Journal Entry (dA)

Journal Entry: Wed Feb 13, 2008, 9:22 PM

• Mood: Tearful
• Listening to: A Hard Days Night
• Reading: this
• Watching: A Hard Days Night
• Playing: "i hate my life"
• Eating: delicious nothingness
• Drinking: Water

RULE # 1:
You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING unless someone messages you and asks.

RULE#2: T/F
Only answer with True or False.

Q: Been arrested? False
Q: Been searched? False
Q: You like someone? True
Q: Held a snake? True
Q. Been excluded from school? True
Q: Sat on a roof top? False
Q. Jumped into a pool with all your clothes on? Fals
Q: Broken a bone? True.
Q: Shaved your head? False
Q: Played a prank on someone? True
Q: Shot a gun? True
Q: Donated Blood? False

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Just be 100% truthful
LAST PERSON.

3. You were in a car with?
My family

5. Went to the mall with?
My mom

6. Person you talked on the phone with?
Fawny!

7. Person who called you?
BK

8. Last person you messaged on myspace?
ADC

9. You commented?
Someone or other, idr the name

10. You spent the night with?
Myself

11. You talked to?
April

12. You hugged?
my mom

WOULD YOU RATHER..

2. Be serious or be funny?
Serious

3. Drink whole milk or skim milk?
skim

4. Die in a fire or get shot?
Get Shot.

5. Go to a club or go to the Beach?
Beach

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY...

1. Sun or moon?
Moon

2. Winter or Fall?
Fall

3. Left or right?
Right

4. Sunny or rainy?
Rainy

5. Black/white or colour?
Black/white.

6. Where do you live?
Lothlorien (not really, but I'm not releasing my true location. it could be detrimental to my health)

7. Do you want to get married?
So very much!

9. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it?
Twirl

10. Do You Cook?
Yes

11. Current mood?
depressed/happy

IN THE LAST WEEK HAVE YOU...

1. Kissed someone?
No

2. Been hugged by someone?
Yes

3. Held hands with someone?
No

Tagged Again... (dA)

Journal Entry: Sun Feb 10, 2008, 3:59 AM

• Mood: Tired
• Listening to: some dumbass show on tv
• Reading: this!
• Watching: some stupid tv
• Playing: "my throat will stop hurting.... NOW!"
• Eating: delicious nothingness
• Drinking: Lemonade!

Ha, I got tagged a second time. oh well. i will tag no one therefore i can't possibly be tagged again!! Ha!

WHEN TAGGING

1. Post these rules.
2. Each tagged person should post 8 aleatory facts of themselves.
3. Tagged people should write a Journal\Blog about these facts.
4. In the end, tag and name 8 more people.
5. Go to their DA pages and comment saying that they are tagged and hugged.

So here are my facts now...
1. I am a big Old Movie Fan!
2. Japanese Rock Music is AMAZING and I it!
3. My favorite actor is Wentworth Miller
4. When I was 2 I wanted to Marry Elvis
5. One of my fav movies ever is Help! w/the Beatles
6. I absolutely am addicted to Sobe!
7. I am in a play right now
8. I hate liars.

Bleh: The Sequel (dA)

Journal Entry: Sat Feb 9, 2008, 12:05 PM

• Mood: Nervous
• Listening to: water flowing
• Reading: what i'm writing
• Watching: the screen
• Playing: "i don't wanna think about Ewan McGregor!"
• Eating: absolutely nothing. And its delicious too.
• Drinking: Dr. Pepper

I warned you that it would come and here it is...

I really have nothing to say, except that mine enemy (boredom) has returned for yet another misadventure in journaling.

This being said, you must excuse any strange/scarring things you might read in this document.

Who on here has seen "Nightwatch" starring Ewan McGregor (Star Wars: The Phantom Menace, Moulin Rouge!), Nick Nolte (I love Trouble, Cape Fear), and the one and only Patricia Arquette (Medium, Holes)? Anyone? Well, I saw most of it last night. Let me tell you, SCARRED FOR LIFE!!!!

Honestly! And it wasn't the fact that I saw all of Ewan McGregor (I've seen that already. Velvet Goldmine, not a good movie!!), or even the fact that he was the nightwatchman in a morgue. But the fact that there was someone raping dead people and framing him for it. And also the fact that someone cut off their own hand (Yes, I've seen SAW, but that doesn't change the freakiness of the act!)

By now, I'm sure some of you are thinking "Sarai, dear, common sense says to change the channel! So you should've done that!" and in reply all I have to say is, I see raped dead people!!! AH!! *screams in terror*. Seriously however, I'm one of those people that will sit through a God-awful movie, because I believe it will get better. I sit with my legs crossed repeating in my head "It has to get better. It can't possibly be as terrible as it seems" Therefore I am continously scarred for life by the movies on the tv.

Now, that is over with.
How are you?!

The delightful art of Tagging... (dA)

Journal Entry: Fri Feb 8, 2008, 3:02 PM

• Mood: Tense
• Listening to: my breathing
• Reading: this tagged thingy
• Watching: the screen
• Playing: "i hate you, you hate me"
• Eating: absolutely nothing. And its delicious too.
• Drinking: I thirst only for poetry.

Seems I was tagged by my lovely ~macys [link]
Now I will do the same, I guess... IDK. being rather new, i didn't even know this existed!

WHEN TAGGING

1. Post these rules.
2. Each tagged person should post 8 aleatory facts of themselves.
3. Tagged people should write a Journal\Blog about these facts.
4. In the end, tag and name 8 more people.
5. Go to their DA pages and comment saying that they are tagged and hugged.

So here are my facts now...
1. I hate candy corn
2. I love snakes!
3. I want to be a famous actress
4. I have an autographed photograph of Leonard Nimoy
5. I love reading
6. I love horses!
7. I have asthma
8. and I am very sarcastic.

These people are tagged...
~Pocketface [link]
*rudeboyskunk [link]
*karen5258 [link]
^hellfirediva [link]
~halloweenpumpkin [link]
~Syphon27 [link]
*elainedori [link]
~VisualKeiChic [link]

Bleh! (dA)

Journal Entry: Fri Feb 8, 2008, 1:24 AM

• Mood: Sarcastic
• Listening to: Gackt
• Reading: my poetry
• Watching: the screen
• Playing: "lets not think about him today"
• Eating: absolutely nothing. And its delicious too.
• Drinking: Mona Vie. What the hell is this stuff?!

Ah, yet another journal!! *evil laughter ensues*
You may not know it, but this very moment (whilst you hurry through this journal) I am taking over your mind. Yes, your mind now belongs to moi! Ha!! I WIN!!
Seriously though, *takes a sip of her Mona Vie and promptly gags* "What the HELL?! What is this stuff?!" God, anyway, so I was saying, seriously.
Thats it. Just seriously.
No, jk. Um, I have now forgotten what the hell I was writing a journal for. And now that you've been entertained, I'll attempt to remember.
Give me 5 minutes...................................................



And now that you've sat there for 5 minutes waiting for me to finish typing, I will actually say something intellegient. Monkeys Love Bananas. Its true. Now for another piece of intellegient information.
I am bored (in case you couldn't tell) and therefore I am cranky and sarcastic. Also, I have to work on Friday and am not looking forward to it. Another also, I am supposed to be moving the first week in April and my money situation has depleted to the point that I am both mentally and emotionally frustrated. I want to scream!!! Rip my hair out by the roots and call it a day.
On the other hand, I have finally gotten 2 (count 'em, TWO!) professional acting jobs. Which solves my "acting problem". However, I don't get paid until the job is over. Which isn't until the end of March. Which SUCKS!!! Cause I could use the money NOW!! Not only that, but this lady I was cleaning for, told me today that because of my health issues, she is going to hire someone else. Lets face it people, I only work one day a week for this lady. It is as part time as part time gets. And I'm unable to come this week due to illness and she decides to hire someone else! IS THAT NOT THE HEIGHT OF BULLSHIT?! honestly!
Okay, for the moment I'm done ranting. Beware of Bleh: The Sequel.

Randomness, the dose of the day (dA)

Journal Entry: Tue Feb 5, 2008, 4:06 PM

• Mood: Mortified
• Listening to: Counting Bodies Like Sheep by APerfectCircle
• Reading: Dracula by Bram Stoker
• Watching: House MD
• Drinking: Fruit Punch

I'm in a morbid mood today, for some reason. Therefore, I've decided to give you a random dose of randomness. Because of this, you get to read about moi. Although, you have probably already read it (since I posted it as a deviation as well), you can read it again here. I love randomness and morbidity, here it goes. TA DA!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am quiet. I am loud. I am scared and I am courageous. I am of the best and worst parts of Marilyn Monroe and Edgar Allan Poe. I am dying from the human condition. But I'm not dead yet! I have a soul and a mind. I am filled with pains and joys. Loves and hates. I am destined to be tragic. But that doesn't mean I can't be amazing while I'm here. I have a heart and an imagination. I am of the Earth and people of the Earth. I am made of music and dancing. Light and darkness. I am a contradiction. But that doesn't mean that I can't be one or the other. I have loved and been loved.

I have lived a thousand years in 19. I have seen all there might be to see that is evil in this world. But I'm hanging on for the beauty. I love guns. I hate violence. I love poetry and I hate prejudice. I am of poetry and clear dark oceans that drag you down to the depths of satin waves. I have seen the stars through a child's eyes. I have lived in my skin. And I have known what it was like to be loved. I dream. And I live for the future as I gaze back to my past.

I have been hurt, abused, abandoned and used. But I am not broken. I may be bruised from life's many hardships, but my soul remains unbroken by it. I am invisible and apparent. I can sing and scream and dance. I have thoughts and ideas. I am not just a body, but a soul unchained within a mortal frame. I will never be perfection. I never claim to be brillant or beautiful. But each of us is beautiful in our own way. I am wrong sometimes. And right other times. I have hopes and wants and desires.

I am of the wind, restless and powerful. Just look into my eyes. I am made of the best parts of light and darkness. Within them I am completely safe. I am alive and live is what I intend to do with my life. I am of ice and fire. A dangerous and chaotic marriage of the two. I can be hateful, selfish and impatient. I can also be loving, tender and sweet. I bear the scars of life proudly. They are a part of me and always will be. I'm strange and wild. Calm and sometimes wise. I can show you worlds you didn't know existed. All you have to do is open your eyes!

I am violent and gentle. A strange mixture of course. I am intelligent and dumb. I am of the ocean, lightning and thunder. I am of the wind, the sun and moon, stars and clouds. I am of the atmosphere that surrounds us. Embraced by what can not be seen. Drowning, I have stood in the light of a new born sun. Breathless, I have stood in the courts of the moon and her lovers. I have seen the future and I have known the past. I live for today. I am outspoken and stubborn. Opinionated and sometimes rebellious.

And I am patiently waiting for whomever can love me for all these things and more.

Breaking Free... (dA)

Journal Entry: Mon Feb 4, 2008, 11:58 PM

• Mood: Pleased
• Listening to: Storm by Lifehouse
• Reading: my own poetry :)
• Watching: Prison Break
• Drinking: Lemonade

Today I have uploaded a bunch of my poetry for your viewing pleasure, that is if poetry pleases you! And I am excited to have you view it. I hope that you enjoy it. I'm rather random and strange when it comes to poetry, therefore if you feel confused feel free to send me a note and I will attempt to explain myself to you. Hope that is okay!!

I have nothing interesting to say, therefore I will stop here.
btw, I love Wentworth Miller! (strange, yes. Forgive me and move on!)

Starved and Starving

My soul is starved for knowledge,
starved for words that once sprung
from within. I am hungry with a
passion for writing. My hand will
not be stayed, nor my mind slowed
to match the beat of this burning
heart.
That all the world would stop in
this breathless moment and give
me room to live. That all would
fade to a merry blue and all be
dismissed and forgotten. I am
overflowing, pouring out all that
has lain hidden within for so
long.
I am thirsty for love and starved for
knowledge. And that I drink from
this cup you have given I would ne'er
deny. For you are the breath when there
is no air and life when all must die. For
you I would kill and steal, pray and heal.
For only your words can awake
within me this lovely outpouring of
blood from my soul.

Another Day.... (dA)

Journal Entry: Sun Feb 3, 2008, 12:39 AM

• Mood: Gloomy
• Listening to: I.V. by X Japan
• Reading: Northanger Abbey
• Playing: Gaia Online
• Drinking: Pepsi

Another day dawns, as the previous dies.

Currently, where I am, it is 12:37am. I don't know why I choose to include the time.
Super Bowl Sunday is upon me! And so much cleaning, so much writing, so much jewelry, so much photography needs to happen before this day can officially begin.
No sleep tonight. Then again, when do I ever sleep?