* Mood: Unhappy
* Listening to: a stupid anime
* Reading: "Skin and other short stories" by Roald
* Watching: the screen
* Drinking: Mt. Dew
So my car broke down today. Well it isn't MY car, persay, but it is a car none-the-less. That was fun.
Had some inspiration today, but haven't finished it, so not going to post it for now.
Due to some technical difficulties my show is on hold. But it will be back soon. Don't worry. ^^
Nothing else to really say right now, but when I think of something I'll write again.
Send in your awkward questions so I can do an all awkward questions show. ^^
Love,
Sarai
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Monday, September 28, 2009
1961 (a short story)
Current mood:curious
Present
Looking back, glancing over his life.
The past and the regrets.
Quiet and calm, he holds the gun to his temple and pulls the trigger, he holds her picture to his heart as the blood stains the pillow, his head falls backs.
Clutched to him, she is frozen in time and memory.
She is not his wife.
Past
A string of pearls encircle an ivory throat. She stands in front of the hallway mirror, gazing off into space and time, dreaming of nights long since forgotten in the abyss of memory and life. She tries to tear her eyes away from the pearls against her skin, tries to forget the reason they will never be her own. She looks into the dark blue eyes of a stranger, her doppelganger and twin, but a complete stranger. Her hand, coming up from her hips, falls back from those white drops of sand and lies placidly against the fabric of her skirt.
A voice calls somewhere in the distance, she turns from the mirror and another hand comes up to remove the pearls that now threaten to strangle her. She tears them away from her skin, the string breaking and pearls bursting from their captor’s hands to scatter on the mahogany floor. She doesn’t even stop to pick them up and, instead, runs away from the voice and out of the house. She tries to erase the image of pearls hitting the wooden floor, tries to un-hear the sound of them tinkling and the voice calling.
She loved him.
Past
He stands next to the reverend performing the ceremony, flanked by four gentlemen in black tuxedos. He watches his bride, on the arm of her father, float down the aisle. She is beautiful. Long, silky, blonde hair flowing down her back, tiny violets entwined in twin braids tied behind her head. She smiles at him, a timid smile, a rosy blush deepens across her face. Light blue eyes flick from the floor to him, barely meeting his gaze. As she turns to receive a kiss from her father, those eyes never leave his, blazing and bright.
He takes her hand, facing her as his performance begins. This will be his most brilliant of pieces. He feels her tremble, watches her lips move as she repeats the words given. He stares at her lips, not comprehending, refusing to understand what she says. He parrots the same words, a smile plastered to his face. He hears his voice and doesn’t know who is speaking. Cold metal is produced, he slides it along her finger. Such a sexual act, he thinks. He thinks of another girl as they kiss and turns to greet his audience as they are pronounced man and wife.
He doesn’t love her.
Present
She reads of his death in the newspaper. She knows, without looking, he is survived by a wife and three sons.
She reads how he was clutching her picture.
She drops the newspaper, her hands shaking and her heart reeling.
She looks over at the softly snoring figure beside her. She smiles warmly, recovering from shock a little at a time. She snuggles closer to the man beside her, withering and wrinkled hands entwining. She knows she made the right choice.
She sheds a tear for the man who lost her.
Present
Looking back, glancing over his life.
The past and the regrets.
Quiet and calm, he holds the gun to his temple and pulls the trigger, he holds her picture to his heart as the blood stains the pillow, his head falls backs.
Clutched to him, she is frozen in time and memory.
She is not his wife.
Past
A string of pearls encircle an ivory throat. She stands in front of the hallway mirror, gazing off into space and time, dreaming of nights long since forgotten in the abyss of memory and life. She tries to tear her eyes away from the pearls against her skin, tries to forget the reason they will never be her own. She looks into the dark blue eyes of a stranger, her doppelganger and twin, but a complete stranger. Her hand, coming up from her hips, falls back from those white drops of sand and lies placidly against the fabric of her skirt.
A voice calls somewhere in the distance, she turns from the mirror and another hand comes up to remove the pearls that now threaten to strangle her. She tears them away from her skin, the string breaking and pearls bursting from their captor’s hands to scatter on the mahogany floor. She doesn’t even stop to pick them up and, instead, runs away from the voice and out of the house. She tries to erase the image of pearls hitting the wooden floor, tries to un-hear the sound of them tinkling and the voice calling.
She loved him.
Past
He stands next to the reverend performing the ceremony, flanked by four gentlemen in black tuxedos. He watches his bride, on the arm of her father, float down the aisle. She is beautiful. Long, silky, blonde hair flowing down her back, tiny violets entwined in twin braids tied behind her head. She smiles at him, a timid smile, a rosy blush deepens across her face. Light blue eyes flick from the floor to him, barely meeting his gaze. As she turns to receive a kiss from her father, those eyes never leave his, blazing and bright.
He takes her hand, facing her as his performance begins. This will be his most brilliant of pieces. He feels her tremble, watches her lips move as she repeats the words given. He stares at her lips, not comprehending, refusing to understand what she says. He parrots the same words, a smile plastered to his face. He hears his voice and doesn’t know who is speaking. Cold metal is produced, he slides it along her finger. Such a sexual act, he thinks. He thinks of another girl as they kiss and turns to greet his audience as they are pronounced man and wife.
He doesn’t love her.
Present
She reads of his death in the newspaper. She knows, without looking, he is survived by a wife and three sons.
She reads how he was clutching her picture.
She drops the newspaper, her hands shaking and her heart reeling.
She looks over at the softly snoring figure beside her. She smiles warmly, recovering from shock a little at a time. She snuggles closer to the man beside her, withering and wrinkled hands entwining. She knows she made the right choice.
She sheds a tear for the man who lost her.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Sarai's 21st. 10 reasons it sucked.
Current mood:miserable
1. I wanted Gackt to sing "Happy Birthday" to me, which of course didn't happen because I don't know him personally. *sigh*
2. I didn't get to drink nearly as much as I wanted to, because the ex-step-father was coming over with Hannah.
3. Hannah had lice. Again.
4. Lice kills one's good mood.
5. Donnie was tired because of his insomnia and was unable to stay up the whole day, so when all the lice crap was going on, he was asleep and I was feeling alone.
6. I didn't have a party.
7. I never finished watching the movie I wanted to watch.
8. I couldn't breathe.
9. I didn't get to snuggle with my PSM.
10. Donnie's Disability was denied.
So long story short, Hannah had head lice (again) and was nice enough to bring it us. Poor kid. She tried to make me smile, but failed. If you read this Hannah, I'm not mad at you. I promise.
JD brought me some Rasberry Smirnoff Vodka. It was good, but my asthma was really bad all day, so I didn't get to enjoy it as much. Hooray, 21.
1. I wanted Gackt to sing "Happy Birthday" to me, which of course didn't happen because I don't know him personally. *sigh*
2. I didn't get to drink nearly as much as I wanted to, because the ex-step-father was coming over with Hannah.
3. Hannah had lice. Again.
4. Lice kills one's good mood.
5. Donnie was tired because of his insomnia and was unable to stay up the whole day, so when all the lice crap was going on, he was asleep and I was feeling alone.
6. I didn't have a party.
7. I never finished watching the movie I wanted to watch.
8. I couldn't breathe.
9. I didn't get to snuggle with my PSM.
10. Donnie's Disability was denied.
So long story short, Hannah had head lice (again) and was nice enough to bring it us. Poor kid. She tried to make me smile, but failed. If you read this Hannah, I'm not mad at you. I promise.
JD brought me some Rasberry Smirnoff Vodka. It was good, but my asthma was really bad all day, so I didn't get to enjoy it as much. Hooray, 21.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
I GOT MY LICENSE!! (dA)
* Mood: Emotional
* Listening to: Donnie talk
* Reading: Dreams Made Flesh - Anne Bishop
* Drinking: Soda
I DID IT!! I GOT MY LICENSE!!
I'M SO EXCITED!!! :dance:
* Listening to: Donnie talk
* Reading: Dreams Made Flesh - Anne Bishop
* Drinking: Soda
I DID IT!! I GOT MY LICENSE!!
I'M SO EXCITED!!! :dance:
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Sarai's Crazy Show (dA)
* Mood: Emotional
* Listening to: My brother snore
* Reading: Dreams Made Flesh - Anne Bishop
* Eating: Pretzels
* Drinking: Kool-Aid
Sarai's crazy show is not NEARLY as crazy as it should be, so I need you (The Fans) to send me topics, awkward questions or anything else you think should be on the show at some point. I would really love everyone's support for this. ^^
I'm hoping that the lovely Fangfingers is still willing to make me a poster, because something that I could post on the internet randomly and around my town randomly would rock. ^^
Let me know what you guys think!
www.youtube.com/saraicrazyshow
www.myspace.com/makingcrazysexy
* Listening to: My brother snore
* Reading: Dreams Made Flesh - Anne Bishop
* Eating: Pretzels
* Drinking: Kool-Aid
Sarai's crazy show is not NEARLY as crazy as it should be, so I need you (The Fans) to send me topics, awkward questions or anything else you think should be on the show at some point. I would really love everyone's support for this. ^^
I'm hoping that the lovely Fangfingers is still willing to make me a poster, because something that I could post on the internet randomly and around my town randomly would rock. ^^
Let me know what you guys think!
www.youtube.com/saraicrazyshow
www.myspace.com/makingcrazysexy
Friday, September 18, 2009
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
What pisses me off more than anything...
Current mood:angry
When someone comes to your websites and starts trying to start shit with you after you have already said your goodbyes to them.
And then they have the nerve to tell YOU to grow up.
When someone comes to your websites and starts trying to start shit with you after you have already said your goodbyes to them.
And then they have the nerve to tell YOU to grow up.
Monday, September 14, 2009
The Fourth Episode (dA)
* Mood: Lazy
* Listening to: The TV
* Reading: The Shadow Queen - Anne Bishop
* Drinking: Diet Soda
I am far to political for my own good, but I went ahead and posted my fourth episode. It is on the Crazy MySpace because it was 49 seconds too long for YouTube. I will probably re-do it because I feel like I wasn't as prepared as I could've been.
If anyone has any opinions I would love to hear them. Just be forewarned that I am VERY opinionated and very outspoken about my opinions. Will update everyone when new episodes are posted. ^^
I will try to do a new episode every day, so just checking the YouTube would be prudent (www.youtube.com/saraicrazyshow). If it is going to be uploaded to the MySpace, I'll let you know.
Any bloopers will DEFINITELY be uploaded to the MySpace (www.myspace.com/makingcrazysexy) so checking that often for updates/blogs/bloopers/etc. is also prudent.
Enjoy the stuff, hoping to have more later.
Sarai
* Listening to: The TV
* Reading: The Shadow Queen - Anne Bishop
* Drinking: Diet Soda
I am far to political for my own good, but I went ahead and posted my fourth episode. It is on the Crazy MySpace because it was 49 seconds too long for YouTube. I will probably re-do it because I feel like I wasn't as prepared as I could've been.
If anyone has any opinions I would love to hear them. Just be forewarned that I am VERY opinionated and very outspoken about my opinions. Will update everyone when new episodes are posted. ^^
I will try to do a new episode every day, so just checking the YouTube would be prudent (www.youtube.com/saraicrazyshow). If it is going to be uploaded to the MySpace, I'll let you know.
Any bloopers will DEFINITELY be uploaded to the MySpace (www.myspace.com/makingcrazysexy) so checking that often for updates/blogs/bloopers/etc. is also prudent.
Enjoy the stuff, hoping to have more later.
Sarai
Sunday, September 13, 2009
The first episode... (dA)
* Mood: Tired
* Listening to: Chris talking to my mom.
* Reading: The Black Jewels Trilogy
* Drinking: Diet Soda
Hey everyone!!
I discovered that I CAN upload videos from my mom's phone. It isn't the best quality, but it works. I have two episodes up at this [http://www.youtube.com/saraicrazyshow]
So, now you will get your dose of Sarai. ^^ I'm hoping to make a new episode everyday... Let's see if I can do it. Let everyone know so that we can get a ton of views!! The more views the more I'll do for the show. ^^
Sarai
* Listening to: Chris talking to my mom.
* Reading: The Black Jewels Trilogy
* Drinking: Diet Soda
Hey everyone!!
I discovered that I CAN upload videos from my mom's phone. It isn't the best quality, but it works. I have two episodes up at this [http://www.youtube.com/saraicrazyshow]
So, now you will get your dose of Sarai. ^^ I'm hoping to make a new episode everyday... Let's see if I can do it. Let everyone know so that we can get a ton of views!! The more views the more I'll do for the show. ^^
Sarai
Friday, September 11, 2009
My Own Show (dA)
* Mood: Tired
* Listening to: The TV
* Reading: Gone with the Wind - Margaret Mitchell
* Watching: The Dark Knight
* Eating: Wendy's and Ice Cream
* Drinking: Soda
Okay, I would like to know your opinion!!
Would you like to see
A. Sarai get her own Crazy Show
B. Sarai shut up for once, she talks to much
C. Sarai
D. None of the Above!
Post a comment letting me know!
If anyone wants to see it I have a 46 second first episode I'm willing to upload.
* Listening to: The TV
* Reading: Gone with the Wind - Margaret Mitchell
* Watching: The Dark Knight
* Eating: Wendy's and Ice Cream
* Drinking: Soda
Okay, I would like to know your opinion!!
Would you like to see
A. Sarai get her own Crazy Show
B. Sarai shut up for once, she talks to much
C. Sarai
D. None of the Above!
Post a comment letting me know!
If anyone wants to see it I have a 46 second first episode I'm willing to upload.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
The Official End of the Crazy Show. (dA)
* Mood: Alienated
* Listening to: Mr. Brightside - The Killers
* Reading: Gone with the Wind - Margaret Mitchell
* Watching: Legend
* Playing: Plants vs. Zombies
* Eating: Sandwiches
* Drinking: Soda
As everyone knows (or should know) Pomme and Sarai's Crazy Show has been having some major difficulties. Pomme has officially left the show. She took 26 friends with her. It was brutal and it was horrible and none of this should've happened, but the thing is we can't change what happens, we can only roll with it.
A few people have suggested that I start my own show. :shrug: I don't have a camera right now, but if I get one or I decide to just use my mother's cell phone camera (which the quality sucks, but at least I could talk) I might try that. I don't know yet though. I'm thinking about putting up a poll here to see who would watch a show if I was in it and talking about a lot of things not just J-Rock or K-Pop.
If you have a MySpace I would still encourage you to add the crazy myspace as we can still use support. [www.myspace.com/makingcrazysexy]
Unfortunately Pomme has seen fit to privatize all of our episodes so that no one can watch them on YouTube. What episodes I still have on my Computer I will upload to the MySpace.
A few good things came out of this whole thing though, so I am thankful. I realize now that if she wasn't willing to be there for me and was willing to push me aside so easily that I didn't need her anyway.
Thank you to everyone who was watching and enjoying the show. I'm sorry for it's disillusion.
* Listening to: Mr. Brightside - The Killers
* Reading: Gone with the Wind - Margaret Mitchell
* Watching: Legend
* Playing: Plants vs. Zombies
* Eating: Sandwiches
* Drinking: Soda
As everyone knows (or should know) Pomme and Sarai's Crazy Show has been having some major difficulties. Pomme has officially left the show. She took 26 friends with her. It was brutal and it was horrible and none of this should've happened, but the thing is we can't change what happens, we can only roll with it.
A few people have suggested that I start my own show. :shrug: I don't have a camera right now, but if I get one or I decide to just use my mother's cell phone camera (which the quality sucks, but at least I could talk) I might try that. I don't know yet though. I'm thinking about putting up a poll here to see who would watch a show if I was in it and talking about a lot of things not just J-Rock or K-Pop.
If you have a MySpace I would still encourage you to add the crazy myspace as we can still use support. [www.myspace.com/makingcrazysexy]
Unfortunately Pomme has seen fit to privatize all of our episodes so that no one can watch them on YouTube. What episodes I still have on my Computer I will upload to the MySpace.
A few good things came out of this whole thing though, so I am thankful. I realize now that if she wasn't willing to be there for me and was willing to push me aside so easily that I didn't need her anyway.
Thank you to everyone who was watching and enjoying the show. I'm sorry for it's disillusion.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Rhett and Scarlett FOREVER!!!
Current mood:animated
Because I absolutely love Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell.
Because I absolutely love Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell.
I need to grow some proverbial balls. (dA)
* Mood: Hostile
* Listening to: I hate you - 2PM (how ironic)
* Reading: Gone with the Wind - Margaret Mitchell
* Watching: Chunhyang
* Playing: Plants vs. Zombies
* Eating: Peanut Butter and Honey Sandwich
* Drinking: Milk
Dear _____,
Once I would've tried to move Heaven and Earth to keep this friendship going. Once I would've given my life to keep yours going. It is pretty sad that now I could care less if this friendship works or fails, I could care less about your pathetic problems.
Reasons, I should give reasons shouldn't I? Since you will demand to know what the fuck my problem is. So I'll give you reasons and You'll argue them, but in the end, you know I am right and I am glad that we had this fight so that I know who you really are.
I could've forgiven you the fight we had. I could've forgiven the harsh words you said, saying I never gave a fuck when in reality it was you who never gave a fuck about me. I could've forgiven you, it would've taken time, but I could've done it.
But the unforgivable thing was when I needed you most and you weren't there. You haven't even apologized for not being there. Let me fill you in, posting a blog 6 lines long announcing to the world that the person who probably meant the most to me died does not equal a personal message saying "I'm sorry for your loss". It can't equal a personal message or a hug or SOMETHING. It is kind of pathetic that my sorrow was all put into 6 short lines on a blog on MySpace. Oh, but I mustn't forget that there were 2 other short lines in a second blog all about you. Wow, 8 lines total. What a precious gift to me, how can I ever repay you?
And then when we finally do talk, you have the audacity to ask me what I've been up to. Hmm, let's think about this for just a moment. I just buried my grandfather and I'm so depressed I'm spending most of my time in bed with the blankets covering my head. And you want to know what I've been up to? Then you tell me that you did too send me condolences by writing the blog. I don't even know what to say to that.
If you had just lost your grandfather and I just ignored you for the entire time that you needed me and posted a blog about it that was 6 lines long you would be pretty pissed. You expect me to be there for you no matter what, you expect me to hold you when you cry, to be there no matter how small the drama. I can't do that anymore. I can't be there for you every five minutes when you can't be there for me at all.
And your excuse for not being there? "I am sorry that I was not there for you.. but like I told ___ I am not the best person to help you deal with that."
You are selfish, immature, childish and two-faced. I know it sounds really harsh, but I'm tired of the bullshit.
You claim to have grown up to fast, that you never had a childhood, but you act like a two year old all the time. I'm not going to say that I act like an adult all the time, because I don't, but even my own mother agrees that I have always acted older than my actual age. I didn't have a childhood and grew up to fast. Do you know what it is like to raise children? I do. I helped raise 4 of them. Do you know what it is like to have to take care of your mother because she is too sick to take care of you? I do. Do you know what it is like work your ass off doing little odd-jobs and then giving all of your money to your parents because what you make is just enough to pay a bill? I do. Have you ever paid a bill? I have.
Your mother pays for everything. You get new clothes and new bags and new shoes. Your mother pays the bills and feeds you. My step-father, as I got older, refused to purchase new clothes for us or new shoes. If we wanted some of the basic necessities we had to buy them ourselves. Did you know that my sophomore and junior year of high school I bought my school supplies with money I saved up from my birthday money? Have you ever had to do that? When you have done all of the things I have just listed then you will know what it is like to be an adult and can justly say that you are grown up.
You are childish because you never try to fix your own problems. Adults try to fix their problems not shove them on others and expect them to fix it. You lash out at the people that try to help you and cling to those who hurt you.
You are immature because you brag about how mature you are all the time. Maturity is not garnering praise for your maturity. You constantly cry to anyone who will listen, the world knows when you have a problem because all you do is complain about it. Maturity is leaning on a few friends who help you stand up when you feel weak, not falling to the floor and expecting everyone to lift you. Maturity is giving everything you have, even when you have little to give, and NOT expecting everyone to appreciate what you've done.
You are selfish because all you care about is you and your problems. You expect everyone to be there for you, but you aren't there when someone needs you. You expect everyone to listen to your pathetic problems, but you can't be bothered to listen to someone else's. You are so wrapped up in your own world that you don't have the time to see anyone else's problems but your own.
You are two-faced because you talk about your "best friend" behind her back ALL the time. Then you say that you two fight like a married couple. You don't even know what marriage is. You haven't even seen enough of your parent's marriage to know what marriage is! Your parents were divorced when you were really little. Donnie and I fight like a married couple. Because we are practically married as is. My friend Sarah W. and her husband fight like a married couple. You and _______ do NOT fight like a married couple. Married couples don't go behind their spouses backs and insinuate that they are prostitutes, or call them cunts, or blame them for car accidents, or treat each other like shit. That isn't how marriage works.
You don't know anything about life and you will never grow up.
In a way I'm glad that all of this has happened. The past two weeks have really shown me your true colors and made me realize just how tired of the bullshit I really am.
I do still love you. I think I love the memories of you more than anything. I just don't think I can work this friendship out with you. Not unless you suddenly grow up. Maybe getting knocked on your ass will help, I don't know. Please refrain from writing me about anything anymore, because if you can't be there for me, I'm afraid I can't be there for you.
Sincerely,
Sarai
* Listening to: I hate you - 2PM (how ironic)
* Reading: Gone with the Wind - Margaret Mitchell
* Watching: Chunhyang
* Playing: Plants vs. Zombies
* Eating: Peanut Butter and Honey Sandwich
* Drinking: Milk
Dear _____,
Once I would've tried to move Heaven and Earth to keep this friendship going. Once I would've given my life to keep yours going. It is pretty sad that now I could care less if this friendship works or fails, I could care less about your pathetic problems.
Reasons, I should give reasons shouldn't I? Since you will demand to know what the fuck my problem is. So I'll give you reasons and You'll argue them, but in the end, you know I am right and I am glad that we had this fight so that I know who you really are.
I could've forgiven you the fight we had. I could've forgiven the harsh words you said, saying I never gave a fuck when in reality it was you who never gave a fuck about me. I could've forgiven you, it would've taken time, but I could've done it.
But the unforgivable thing was when I needed you most and you weren't there. You haven't even apologized for not being there. Let me fill you in, posting a blog 6 lines long announcing to the world that the person who probably meant the most to me died does not equal a personal message saying "I'm sorry for your loss". It can't equal a personal message or a hug or SOMETHING. It is kind of pathetic that my sorrow was all put into 6 short lines on a blog on MySpace. Oh, but I mustn't forget that there were 2 other short lines in a second blog all about you. Wow, 8 lines total. What a precious gift to me, how can I ever repay you?
And then when we finally do talk, you have the audacity to ask me what I've been up to. Hmm, let's think about this for just a moment. I just buried my grandfather and I'm so depressed I'm spending most of my time in bed with the blankets covering my head. And you want to know what I've been up to? Then you tell me that you did too send me condolences by writing the blog. I don't even know what to say to that.
If you had just lost your grandfather and I just ignored you for the entire time that you needed me and posted a blog about it that was 6 lines long you would be pretty pissed. You expect me to be there for you no matter what, you expect me to hold you when you cry, to be there no matter how small the drama. I can't do that anymore. I can't be there for you every five minutes when you can't be there for me at all.
And your excuse for not being there? "I am sorry that I was not there for you.. but like I told ___ I am not the best person to help you deal with that."
You are selfish, immature, childish and two-faced. I know it sounds really harsh, but I'm tired of the bullshit.
You claim to have grown up to fast, that you never had a childhood, but you act like a two year old all the time. I'm not going to say that I act like an adult all the time, because I don't, but even my own mother agrees that I have always acted older than my actual age. I didn't have a childhood and grew up to fast. Do you know what it is like to raise children? I do. I helped raise 4 of them. Do you know what it is like to have to take care of your mother because she is too sick to take care of you? I do. Do you know what it is like work your ass off doing little odd-jobs and then giving all of your money to your parents because what you make is just enough to pay a bill? I do. Have you ever paid a bill? I have.
Your mother pays for everything. You get new clothes and new bags and new shoes. Your mother pays the bills and feeds you. My step-father, as I got older, refused to purchase new clothes for us or new shoes. If we wanted some of the basic necessities we had to buy them ourselves. Did you know that my sophomore and junior year of high school I bought my school supplies with money I saved up from my birthday money? Have you ever had to do that? When you have done all of the things I have just listed then you will know what it is like to be an adult and can justly say that you are grown up.
You are childish because you never try to fix your own problems. Adults try to fix their problems not shove them on others and expect them to fix it. You lash out at the people that try to help you and cling to those who hurt you.
You are immature because you brag about how mature you are all the time. Maturity is not garnering praise for your maturity. You constantly cry to anyone who will listen, the world knows when you have a problem because all you do is complain about it. Maturity is leaning on a few friends who help you stand up when you feel weak, not falling to the floor and expecting everyone to lift you. Maturity is giving everything you have, even when you have little to give, and NOT expecting everyone to appreciate what you've done.
You are selfish because all you care about is you and your problems. You expect everyone to be there for you, but you aren't there when someone needs you. You expect everyone to listen to your pathetic problems, but you can't be bothered to listen to someone else's. You are so wrapped up in your own world that you don't have the time to see anyone else's problems but your own.
You are two-faced because you talk about your "best friend" behind her back ALL the time. Then you say that you two fight like a married couple. You don't even know what marriage is. You haven't even seen enough of your parent's marriage to know what marriage is! Your parents were divorced when you were really little. Donnie and I fight like a married couple. Because we are practically married as is. My friend Sarah W. and her husband fight like a married couple. You and _______ do NOT fight like a married couple. Married couples don't go behind their spouses backs and insinuate that they are prostitutes, or call them cunts, or blame them for car accidents, or treat each other like shit. That isn't how marriage works.
You don't know anything about life and you will never grow up.
In a way I'm glad that all of this has happened. The past two weeks have really shown me your true colors and made me realize just how tired of the bullshit I really am.
I do still love you. I think I love the memories of you more than anything. I just don't think I can work this friendship out with you. Not unless you suddenly grow up. Maybe getting knocked on your ass will help, I don't know. Please refrain from writing me about anything anymore, because if you can't be there for me, I'm afraid I can't be there for you.
Sincerely,
Sarai
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