Useless

I wish I could dazzle you all with my cleverness, but today i fear that isn't the case. I just feel so useless and broken-hearted and........... ANGRY !
Angry because here I am in Oklahoma, where I knew I was supposed to be. I can't get a job, I can't seem to stay healthy, I'm only causing problems and I just want to scream half the time.
Angry because in Indiana everything is going to hell in a handbasket and I can't do a damn thing to stop it! I can't make my step-father love my mom, i can't make him love me or christopher. And I can't help mom get a job, I can't excercise with Hannah so she isn't lonely. I can't keep Chris company on the nights when we both can't sleep.
Angry at myself because I can't seem to do anything right these days... I just feel useless to everyone. i can't help anyone, i can't make Fawny stop hurting, I can't make Adam stop acting like a jerk, I can't stop myself from hating both of my fathers right now... I just feel like I'm hurting more than I am helping anyone...
GRRRRRR!!!!
I don't want to have a pity party, thats what this blog is starting to feel like. Oh, look at Sarai, she is so pitiful and emo and angsty over there in her little corner of the world. Lets all feel sorry for her. boo hoo, poor baby.
I feel guilty and selfish for feeling like this when, in various other parts of the world, there are people starving, people paying $16 a liter of gasoline (which is about half a gallon), people trapped in China underneath rubble from the earthquakes, children dying of AIDS and other diseases because they have no one to take care of them. and I am complaining about how my life sucks.
I feel angry because I can't fix the world anymore than I can fix the lives around me. I can't make it any better. I feel broken-hearted and useless for the same reasons. But I want to make everything better , I want to stop all the shit thats going on from happening. i'm tired of people i care about being in pain and there being absolutely nothing I can do to stop it.
I guess I just have to stop trying to fix everything. Funny, my mother always told me that the need to fix everything was a "male complex", not a female one. I guess I got the worst of both worlds in that respect.