RANDOM and ABSURD NONSENSE!

FAIR WARNING: Absurdity contained here in. If you are offended or think you might be offended by anything I may or may not say in here, then DO NOT read it!!! NO COMPLAINTS!! All complaints will be sent to Fawny, who enjoys eating complaints and complainers for breakfast (along with nails...). Do not force me to sic her on you, it won't be pretty!!
IN the meantime, enjoy my randomness and absurdity, along with my utter lack of propriety. Thanks and have a LOVELY day, no wait let me rephrase that have a Fucking Lovely Day (that statement in tribute to Yoshiki! I loves you!).

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What highway do you drive on the most?
The Highway to Hell, like most folks

When was the last time you bought a bathing suit?
Hm, the last time Noah sailed the Ark... I needed it that day!

Would you consider yourself a flirt?
Only with random cab drivers, Hot J-Rockers and my adopted sister/roommate (HONEYBLADE!!)

What color is your boss's hair?
Well it used to be White and Gray and then I got my hands on it and dyed it TIE DYE!!!

What's a song that puts you in the mood to dance or party?
The sound of silence..... *crickets*

Where are you going on your next vacation?
The Darkside of the Moon, oh and the planet of the Electric Cucumbers where the space monkeys reside... I plan on visiting my twin cousin green space monkey Gnome there, though I'm sure that he is still abdicating with the underpant gnomes!! DAMN UNDERPANT GNOMES!! *insert random hide saying here*

Do you get paid weekly or bi-weekly?
Weeks are bi? When did that happen!?

What color are your pillows?
Currently bloodstained, from my last victim. I'm a vampire don't you know?

Are you superstitious?
OMG, YES!! Like this one time, I totally smashed a mirror and like I was totally cursed for like, um, like 7 years and I totally couldn't have a boyfriend and I couldn't get any ANYTHING!! And, like, OMG it was so HORRIBLE!

Whose motorcycle were you last on?
Elvis Presleys... it was a hot ride, baby!! *insert drum here*

You have $20 to buy the perfect shirt to wear tonight, where do you go?
Well, why stop at $20? When I could get $40? or $60? Don't ask, I'm just that good.

How many calendars are in your house?
THEY COVER THE WALLS!! The calenders, SHHH!! They'll hear you, we don't talk about them... they're EVERYWHERE!!

Have you ever been confused over two relationships at once?
Damn it, I can't decide... Do I love Gackt more or Wentworth more?! I CAN'T CHOOSE!!! *bursts into tears*

Who is the last person that made you laugh in person?
Well you see, Willy Wonka and I went for a walk in the Candy Fields and he let loose a FART SOOOOOO LOUD that an oompa loompa fell into the chocolate river. I laughed so hard I peed myself.

Do you miss high school?
Oh yes, I miss being abducted and put into the "Program" and forced to kill my classmates. GOOD TIMES, Good times....

What color is your bra?
Giraffe. Yes, I wear a live giraffe over my breasts. Makes for nice perky breasts in the mornings.....

How many pairs of sneakers do you own?
well, the crocodiles ate them, so currently I am wearing Fawny's face as shoes... DON'T ASK! You would've had to have been there!!

What kind of lotion is closest to you?
KY for those extra intimate moments.... with the giraffe

Whats on tv this second?
MY ASS!

What helps you sleep?
The giraffe................................. Don't look at me like that, We love each other!!

Are you thinner than your best friend?
Well, Ellie the elephant doesn't like to talk about her weight... so I guess not... She lost a lot of weight on the Atkins diet don't you know?

What color shirt did your mom wear today?
She is wearing shirts now?! I had no idea! When did she leave the nudist colony?!

Last time you saw your dad?
The last time I murdered him in my sleep...

Last time you babysat?
Well, I'm not really allowed to talk about it, but it was back in the 1600's and I accidentally killed Bloody Mary's Son....

Next dentist/gyno/doctor appt?
Next millenia... you see, I firmly believe in procrastination!

How often do you do laundry?
Whenever I can get the Giraffe to get outside..

What commercials are your favorite?
The ones that feature not only my ass, but my giraffe and my Fawny face shoes!!

Harmless?
Yes, yes, precious.... I is harmless, *strokes your hair* harmless like little flysies... *rips off your head and eats it with a nice chianti and some fava beans*

Have you ever been prescribed narcotics?
Opium
Heroin
Laudanaum
Cocaine
Marijuana
Vicodin

Have you ever copied someone's tests?
THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A SECRET!!! I didn't mean to crop his testes, it was an accident!

Whats hummus made of?
um, blood from an unsuspecting narc, moldy cheese and a few earwigs...

When's the last time you used a slip and slide?
Well, um, I slipped and slided when I killed that one chick.... Damn, I can't even remeber her name...

Fav kids names?
Well my favorite kids were Marziana and Yaoli, but I had to eat them... It was the middle of winter and the horses froze to quickly

Whats annoying you right now?
This stupid john who wants to buy some services... Thinks i'm a tranny I guess...

What did you eat for dinner tonight?
Daemon, Lucivar and Saetan

Do you have a crush on someone?
well I did send that one crushing blow to Haldir, but other than that, no.

Are you an introvert or extrovert?
Well my belly button goes introvert.... my mouth goes extrovert...

When's your grandmas birth date?
Dido's Holiday 432 BC

Who can you depend on to post the best surveys?
ME, *insert random j-rocker here* and Yes, ME!

How many rings do you wear daily?
at least 50... i mean, i had to put all that stolen jewelry somewhere

Any tattoos?
Well that one that Jack Sparrow gave me about 60 years ago is starting to fade, so I needs to get it re-done

Favorite summer cocktail?
A young man's blood mixed with vodka... good stuff man...

How much gas is in your tank?
well, hmm... Giraffe, how much gas do we have in our imaginary flying car?

Last book you bought?
That lovely book that fixed me and the giraffe's "issues"

Plans for today/tonight?
Stalking my next victim, sharing a bite with Ellie and washing the giraffe...

Plans for the weekend?
I plan on giving birth to an alien new born from the planet of Electric Cucumbers...