Unhappily in Love

I don't understand myself. Well, okay, I do, but its pissing me off anyway!!

How is it possible to be "unhappily in love"?! Don't get me wrong, I'm happy. Happier than any girl has a right to be, but I'm not. Does that make any sense to anyone?! Okay, let me explain.

I realized yesterday that I am pushing Donnie away, then pulling him back, thinking that I must be suffocating him, then pushing him away again. Since about the 3rd week of our relationship, I've been racking my brain trying to find things that are wrong with it. Wrong with us, reasons we shouldn't be together. But you know what? There are NO reasons why we shouldn't be together.

I can honestly say that there is nothing wrong with our relationship. The only thing that could possibly be wrong is that we don't have each other near by all the time. Other than that, We have everything and we are both happy. But I'm so terrified of being happy that I'm trying to ruin this relationship by over-analyzing and pushing him away. But I don't want to push him away, I am tired of over-analyzing. I love him. I love him more than anything in this world (besides my family) and I don't want to lose him. But the deeper I fall in love with him, the more I seem to try and find a way to ruin it. I guess it is my insecurities flaring up and all the fears of being hurt again.

In my last relationship it was easy to find the flaws and to expose them so that it was over. It was easy to end that relationship, because I knew it was doomed from the beginning. Yeah, it hurt like hell, because I did care about him, but it was easy to not have him than to have him. Which makes no sense.

Maybe its because I've been alone for so long? Or maybe I am just that scared of getting hurt? I don't know. I'm confused and unhappy and happy and in love and torn between all my conflicting emotions!!

HELP!!