I never realized when I said goodbye, it would be the last time we ever spoke. I didn't realize that you would just walk out of my life like that, leaving me standing here, broken and cold. I thought you loved me, but I guess not. Or maybe you never did and this was all a lie, a lie that I have lived with. Or maybe it is my fault that you are now gone, maybe I wasn't good enough. All I know is that you have left me to myself, and I loved you.
I loved you with so much of myself that it hurt and now I realize that I never understood. Everything reminds me of you, songs and people on the tv. How could you leave me? Dessert me like you did, was I not broken enough before you? People tell me that I deserve better, but maybe I didn't even deserve you. Maybe I deserve the pain that you left me in and maybe I deserve everything I have ever experienced.
But I loved you! I Loved You, with so much of my soul that there was none left to give anyone else. My heart lays in disrepair, shattered by the love I had for you. If love is like this, I don't want any part of it. Love is a poison. But what a beautiful way to die. I fear this love which destroyed me and now I lay here, broken and bleeding. I can take this no longer. Let me die, because this is no way to live.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Saturday, October 6, 2007
A verse for you to ponder... (a NCC of Spencer Blog)
"Do not be anxious for anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, make your petition known to God." Philippians 4:6.
To be anxious is to worry. Supplication is like a petition, you are presenting something in a request form. Why do I have this verse here? Because I am anxious and I have not petitioned God through prayer, supplication and thanksgiving. I admit to being sinful and fallen and I have not always done what I should have.
Tonight my mom and I got into one of our biggest fights ever. Over what you ask? Prayer. I recently felt the calling of God telling me to do something I have no desire to do. My mom doesn't seem to believe that I really heard God. She feels that it may have been something else talking. So she asked me to pray again and ask for confirmation. I wanted to know how I was supposed to know if it was really God or that other "thing" to which she attributes the first incident.
Granted, I was sarcastic and provoked my mother. But, seriously, I want to know how in Heaven's sweet name I am supposed to know who is talking to me? Is it God or is it something else? And do I continue in prayer and supplication, making my requests known to the Almighty?
To be anxious is to worry. Supplication is like a petition, you are presenting something in a request form. Why do I have this verse here? Because I am anxious and I have not petitioned God through prayer, supplication and thanksgiving. I admit to being sinful and fallen and I have not always done what I should have.
Tonight my mom and I got into one of our biggest fights ever. Over what you ask? Prayer. I recently felt the calling of God telling me to do something I have no desire to do. My mom doesn't seem to believe that I really heard God. She feels that it may have been something else talking. So she asked me to pray again and ask for confirmation. I wanted to know how I was supposed to know if it was really God or that other "thing" to which she attributes the first incident.
Granted, I was sarcastic and provoked my mother. But, seriously, I want to know how in Heaven's sweet name I am supposed to know who is talking to me? Is it God or is it something else? And do I continue in prayer and supplication, making my requests known to the Almighty?
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