Insanity Here-In (you have been warned)

Sam sent 5/31/2008 9:43 PM:
Alright
Sam says:
So that blog...
Dauntless says:
oh right
Dauntless says:
sorry
Dauntless says:
i got distracted, one sec
Sam says:
That's fine
Dauntless says:
May 30th, 2008
Okay, so I talked to my mom today (as I do most days) and as most of you know by now, my mom and my step-father are going through a pretty nasty divorce. Well, attempting to go through a pretty nasty divorce. We began discussing how the divorce is affecting each of us in different emotional and physical ways.
Dauntless says:
As some of you may or may not know, My younger sister, Hannah Joy, has Tourette's Syndrome (No, she doesn't randomly shout cuss words! I get so sick of people asking me that. But believe it or not that only happens in about 2% of people that have Tourette's). As only a few who knew me when it happened know, Bad things happen when my sister gets into a bad spell.
Dauntless says:
Last time she almost died from being to scared to eat (this was right after my grandfather passed away and at the luncheon afterward my cousin, Jonathan, almost joined him because he began to choke on something Hannah had given him to eat.) afraid that she would choke to death.
Dauntless says:
Also with her Tourette's she has a tendency to repeat one phrase over and over "I'm Scared", during this time she will often check herself for a heartbeat and a fever, because to have a fever or to suddenly have her heart stop beating scares her the most.
Dauntless says:
She had been doing really well since she almost died, she has gotten back to a healthy weight (even though she is still rather thin for her age) and had completely stopped saying she was scared. She had even gotten over her fear of storms, electric plug-ins, gunfire and other various things.
Dauntless says:
According to mom, the behaviour has started again because of the stress with dad not living at home and the divorce going on.
Dauntless says:
Christopher has his own issues, but because my brother reads my blogs and would kill me, I'm not going to mention them here. But obviously the divorce and my dad's seeming disinterest in having anything more to do with us is affecting him as well. As much as he denies it, He too loves Dad.
Dauntless says:
Then there is me. When I'm overly stressed I have severe break outs all over my fingers. Which is both painful and itchy. This year has been especially horrorific for that type of thing (i have even resorted to dipping my hands in Vodka to keep the itching to a minimum since my hands are basically open wounds and water blisters).
Dauntless says:
Mom believes that all of these things are a sign from God saying that He doesn't want Wes and Her to be divorced. That He wants them to be together and for us to be a "family".
Dauntless says:
So what does my mother do? She calls my step-father. And "repents".
Yes, she "repented" of her sins and asked him to move back in and for the divorce proceedings to stop.
Dauntless says:
If you could see me now you would be able to tell that i'm attempting to leash this anger that is welling up. My step-father's response, you may ask? "You have to prove to me that things will be different"
Dauntless says:
WHAT THE FUCK!? She has to PROVE to Him that things will be different?! My mother has to change so that he can keep acting like an asshole/jerk to her. She has to accomodate him, not be as "nagging" or "disrespectful" to him.
Dauntless says:
Show him LOVE and then, maybe she will receive it. Which makes NO sense to me at all. Mom says, "Men never change". Which isn't true. Men can change, but there is usually a woman willing to change just to keep him happy.
Dauntless says:
So my mom gets her husband back. What a shitty husband he is being right now. And don't get me wrong. The man raised me, took care of me for 15 of my 20 years, I love him very much, but Damn it all to Hell if I'm going to stand by and let him treat my mother like dirt!!!
Dauntless says:
This isn't right, it isn't fair and until he changes I feel like they should proceed with the divorce. But thats just me... Maybe I'm the one in the wrong?
Dauntless says:
Sorry to unleash my anger and frustration out on you all, but I just can't get over the fact that SHE has to change because HE won't. That isn't right.
I refuse to change who I am to accomodate someone who obviously doesn't love me enough to make an effort to change on his part.
Dauntless says:
If that means I never marry, so be it. If that means I never date again, so be it. But I Refuse to be treated like my mom has allowed herself to be treated. We deserve better. And how can any young boys grow up to respect women if the women aren't willing to take a stand for themselves?
Dauntless says:
How can little boys grow up to be anything but Assholes if they see their fathers doing it and Mom letting it happen!?
Dauntless says:
Men can change, they just don't want to. And women make it possible for them never to have to.
Sam says:
Well done! Bravo!
Dauntless says:
Yeah, i let all my wrath go on that one...
Dauntless says:
i was really pissed
Sam says:
I'm sure you wanted to say more but I have a feeling you didn't quite feel like writing more
Dauntless says:
pretty much
Sam says:
It wasn't all that wrathlike
Sam says:
It could have had more fuck and bitch and shit
Sam says:
lol
Dauntless says:
true... but i just didn't feel like cussing
Dauntless says:
well not that much
Sam says:
Ah
Dauntless says:
and i told my mom "you aren't allowed to read my blog"
Dauntless says:
because i said curse words in it
Sam says:
Oh come on
Sam says:
I cuss around my parents now
Dauntless says:
She'll probably do it anyway
Sam says:
ANd they can't do anything about it
Dauntless says:
lol
Sam says:
I'm 19
Sam says:
your 19
Sam says:
What is she gonna do?
Dauntless says:
nothing, except scold
Sam says:
Drive down there and slap you?
Dauntless says:
and frankly i don't care if she scolds anymore...
Sam says:
Yeah
Sam says:
It's your life!
Dauntless says:
yeah, you are saying the same things Fawny's been saying to me
Dauntless says:
lol
Sam says:
And she knows you're an adult now.
Sam says:
She knows you're all the way down there and you don't need to be treated like a kid anymore
Sam says:
And she needs to remember that you can cuss and drink and smoke and do drugs and get laid as much as you FUCKING like.
Sam says:
Because she's not there anymore
Sam says:
and you are not there anymore
Sam says:
and she should now consider your opinion just as important as anyone else's
Sam says:
Hell, she should consider your opinion just as important as God's
Sam says:
You're a product of divine intervention with a touch of lust and soul-death/rebirth
Sam says:
If she really believes in "signs from God" she should take the fact that you were born as a sign from God
Sam says:
and thus everything you say is somehow connected to this Unnamed God
Sam says:
Yeah that was pretty corny
Sam says:
Can you tell I just ate?
Dauntless says:
wow. My roomies are practically applauding you right about now. Arlin says Amen and Fawny says Damn Straight. and no i can't
Dauntless says:
can't tell that you just ate that is
Sam says:
I'm a little more animated
Dauntless says:
ah, is that what it is?
Sam says:
And tell them thank you
Sam says:
Or are they being sarcastic?
Dauntless says:
no they were being serious
Sam says:
I can never tell in typeface
Dauntless says:
they've been trying to tell me the same damn thing since i got her
Dauntless says:
*here
Dauntless says:
actually, since before I got here
Sam says:
Well, I'm fairly good at making connections like that
Dauntless says:
i wonder why i hadn't noticed before now?
Dauntless says:
anyway... so how was the cookout?
Sam says:
It was good
Sam says:
We played crokket and night crokket and ate burgers
Sam says:
The burgers were good
Dauntless says:
yum
Dauntless says:
is "crokket" anything like croquet?
Sam says:
Considering I haven't had a home-grilled burger for six months
Sam says:
Yeah
Sam says:
I don't know how to spell it
Dauntless says:
okay... i love croquet as well
Sam says:
I lost both times
Dauntless says:
aw
Dauntless says:
my dad always wins when we play
Sam says:
but I won the season's first game
Sam says:
Dad won the first but lost the second
Sam says:
i think...
Sam says:
I can't remember
Sam says:
and that less than thirty minutes ago
Dauntless says:
lol... well it sounds like you had fun
Sam says:
Yeah
Sam says:
I usually do
Dauntless says:
I am currently posting blogs on my website...
Dauntless says:
and being stupid
Dauntless says:
thats about it
Sam says:
I see
Dauntless says:
uh huh
Dauntless says:
I decided that all 300 some of my poems needed to be online
Dauntless says:
in case anything happened to my hard copies
Sam says:
I don't think you should do that hun
Dauntless says:
I have a right click disabler on my sites
Sam says:
How do you do that?
Dauntless says:
it gave me the option when i signed up
Sam says:
oh
Dauntless says:
Yeah, there are ways to protect your stuff
Dauntless says:
and no one really knows that my site exists
Dauntless says:
which kind of sucks, but anyway
Sam says:
what's your site?
Dauntless says:
www.freewebs.com/dauntlesssparrow
Sam says:
I WILL FAVORITE IT TO MY BROWSER
Dauntless says:
lol
Dauntless says:
you don't have to do that
Dauntless says:
lol
Sam says:
I will anyway
Dauntless says:
Well I thank thee most kindly
Dauntless says:
*hug*
Sam says:
Agh...
Sam says:
I hate the blue streamer thingies...
Dauntless says:
sorry
Dauntless says:
i am in the process of getting rid of them
Sam says:
They give me a headache
Dauntless says:
as i said, in the process of getting rid of them
Sam says:
Ok
Sam says:
just as long as you DON"T keep them
Dauntless says:
yeah
Dauntless says:
i'm not
Dauntless says:
i am tired of them
Sam says:
Thank God
Sam says:
So, how did you like my little speel on God and such?
Sam says:
Or was it honestly already taken?
Dauntless says:
I liked it... I felt kind of overwhelmed. I was like "wow, sam is really in it tonight"
Dauntless says:
and was just in awe of your insight
Sam says:
Aren't I normally in?
Dauntless says:
yes, but this was a different kind of In
Sam says:
No, tonight I just ate
Sam says:
In astronomy I haven't eaten for a little while and in study time I'm a little tired
Sam says:
I'm good right now
Dauntless says:
ah
Sam says:
I'm down right screwy right now
Sam says:
Yeah
Sam says:
Awe huh?
Dauntless says:
yeppers
Sam says:
like "Wow...She's good..." awe?
Dauntless says:
yes
Sam says:
Hang on
Dauntless says:
like awe
Sam says:
Let me bask in the glory of this
Sam says:
ok
Dauntless says:
let me know when you have had your fill of basking, lol
Sam says:
I'm good now
Sam says:
But seriously
Sam says:
Your mom I think might be thinking a tiny bit overboard
Dauntless says:
distinct possibility
Sam says:
Well if she believed anything I just said, then yeah, deffinitely.
Sam says:
...
Sam says:
You should put me on your blog.
Dauntless says:
lol
Dauntless says:
I can blog the entire conversation!
Dauntless says:
lol
Sam says:
Well you could but I don't know if you should
Sam says:
might be boring to the reader
Dauntless says:
maybe... but who cares about the reader? if i wanna remember the conversation the reader can get over it... lo
Dauntless says:
*lol
Dauntless says:
its all cook
Sam says:
yes
Sam says:
Very cook
Dauntless says:
bleh, my stomach hurts
Sam says:
I'm sorry
Sam says:
Have you pooped today?
Dauntless says:
What a question, lol
Dauntless says:
Yes actually, I have
Dauntless says:
thank you for asking
Dauntless says:
*dies laughing*
Sam says:
Ok
Sam says:
just checking
Sam says:
I mean your bowel movements are extremely important to me
Dauntless says:
Are you trying to make the conversation better in case I decide to blog it?
Sam says:
No
Sam says:
You said your stomach was hurting!
Sam says:
There are normally at least two things you can ask a person because of that
Sam says:
One, have you eaten, and two, have you pooped
Sam says:
It's just common sense man
Sam says:
er...girl!
Dauntless says:
you've got me giggle-snorting like mad over here
Dauntless says:
i'm about to die from laughing so hard
Sam says:
Oh that is so cook
Sam says:
I hope you don't
Dauntless says:
*dies laughing again*
Sam says:
Well...wait
Sam says:
If you die laughing, that's a good thing
Sam says:
It's better than dying of chronic respiratory failure
Dauntless says:
yes, yes it is.
Sam says:
Yes
Sam says:
Go ahead!
Sam says:
Die LAUGHING
Dauntless says:
No, I think I'm good now
Sam says:
But it's the best way to die!
Sam says:
You want to die laughing, like in that freaked out play your friends were in.
Dauntless says:
which freaked out play was this?
Sam says:
We are all laughing and crying and saying that everything would be alright!
Dauntless says:
oh that
Sam says:
*cough cough*
Dauntless says:
I was confused
Dauntless says:
sorry
Sam says:
Well yeah, they were all quite freaked out weren't they?
Dauntless says:
yes, yes they were, but it took me a moment to realize you were talking about that one
Sam says:
Where's your freaking blog?
Dauntless says:
On my website?
Dauntless says:
Its called Illuminati Literati Poetic
Sam says:
Whereever you put it...
Dauntless says:
My other blog is on my myspace... which is private...
Sam says:
I didn't know you had my story on here...
Dauntless says:
yeppers
Sam says:
Er...well your stroy
Sam says:
story*
Dauntless says:
i titled it for you
Dauntless says:
so its yours
Dauntless says:
i wrote it for you
Dauntless says:
i tried to clean it up a bit
Sam says:
Thanks, but I don't deserve to be credited with it is what I mean
Sam says:
You wrote it, so it's yours
Dauntless says:
true... I dedicate it to you
Dauntless says:
therefore it is OURS
Sam says:
Sara has a very professional page
Dauntless says:
yes she does
Sam says:
Except for her blue font
Sam says:
That's not very professional
Dauntless says:
lol
Sam says:
Where'd she get it?
Sam says:
Oh don't tell me...
Sam says:
Him
Dauntless says:
you know, i have no idea
Sam says:
She's been drawing recently
Dauntless says:
well thats good... i haven't looked at the page in a few days...
Dauntless says:
so i have no clue about what it looks like
Sam says:
oh wait
Sam says:
nevermind
Sam says:
She hasn't updated this site since 2005
Dauntless says:
no thats when it was copyrighted
Dauntless says:
its been updated a couple of times since then
Dauntless says:
The page has definitely changed since she first got it
Sam says:
hmmm
Sam says:
I wouldn't know
Sam says:
I want my own website!
Dauntless says:
Well Freewebs is free
Dauntless says:
and pretty easy to create
Sam says:
I don't know
Sam says:
I wouldn't put anything on it
Dauntless says:
well that does kinda defeat the purpose of having it
Sam says:
I know
Sam says:
So are you going to put this on your blog?
Dauntless says:
I think I might
Dauntless says:
it makes me giggle
Sam says:
I see
Sam says:
Where are you going to put it?
Dauntless says:
Probably on my myspace and my site... Though I don't usually put this kind of thing on my site, i might anyway...
Dauntless says:
If i post it on myspace Gackt is going to read it
Sam says:
I know this is going to sound awful, but could you be so kind as to change my e-mail to "Sam"
Dauntless says:
Thats what I was going to do
Sam says:
Ok
Sam says:
I mean all of it
Dauntless says:
I know
Sam says:
please put Sam
Dauntless says:
I will
Dauntless says:
don't worry
Dauntless says:
gosh
Sam says:
My e-mail is the name Mandi can only use with me
Sam says:
it's like my code name
Dauntless says:
I kinda figured... it doesn't matter anyway, because when you write me it shows up as Sam because thats the name I gave you
Dauntless says:
did you read what I said about Gackuto?
Sam says:
Ok
Sam says:
no
Sam says:
where is it?
Dauntless says:
Gackt Reads my blogs on Myspace!
Dauntless says:
which means, if i post this there, he's going to read it
Dauntless says:
thought you might like to know
Sam says:
Oh that
Sam says:
whatever.
Dauntless says:
what do you mean whatever?! so if it was Klaha you would still be like "oh, whatever"
Dauntless says:
?
Sam says:
I'm sure he has better things to do with his time than read my rantings
Sam says:
Yeah
Dauntless says:
well he reads my rantings
Dauntless says:
and if you are in my rantings
Dauntless says:
he's going to read it
Sam says:
Ok
Sam says:
I'm not a big fan, I hardly listen to his music
Dauntless says:
uh huh
Sam says:
What?
Dauntless says:
jfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjffjfjjfjfjffjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjjfjfjfjffjjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjjfjfjfjfjffjfjjj
Dauntless says:
i'm not here
Dauntless says:
i'm possessed
Dauntless says:
i think
Dauntless says:
maybe not
Sam says:
...
Dauntless says:
exorcisim
Dauntless says:
thats a nice thing
Sam says:
...
Dauntless says:
...
Sam says:
...
Dauntless says:
....
Sam says:
...
Dauntless says:
.....
Sam says:
I will keep putting ... until you're done
Dauntless says:
okay
Dauntless says:
i may never be done
Dauntless says:
i'm strange like that
Dauntless says:
i thin
Dauntless says:
*think
Sam says:
heh
Dauntless says:
i am so NOT thin
Dauntless says:
bleh
Dauntless says:
this is cook
Dauntless says:
i like talking to myself
Sam says:
ok
Dauntless says:
hello self
Dauntless says:
hello
Sam says:
I see that
Dauntless says:
how are you?
Dauntless says:
i'm good
Dauntless says:
you?
Dauntless says:
i'm good
Dauntless says:
sam is going to kill me
Sam says:
lol
Dauntless says:
raelly?
Dauntless says:
*really?
Sam says:
No
Sam says:
Why would she kill you?
Dauntless says:
she says no, but i'm sure this is annoying
Dauntless says:
annoyed
Dauntless says:
that is why she would kill me
Dauntless says:
or us
Dauntless says:
whichever
Dauntless says:
or maybe she'll just kill you
Dauntless says:
and leave me be
Dauntless says:
did you ever think of that?
Dauntless says:
no, actually i didn't
Sam says:
ooooo
Sam says:
served
Dauntless says:
*evil laughter ensues*
Sam says:
Pause for breath no
Sam says:
w
Dauntless says:
*pause*
Dauntless says:
*starts laughing again*
Dauntless says:
you know what?
Dauntless says:
what?
Dauntless says:
This is very entertaining
Sam says:
I see
Dauntless says:
and we are running out of oxygen from laughing so hard
Sam says:
To you
Dauntless says:
maybe we should stop?
Dauntless says:
idk
Sam says:
Maybe
Dauntless says:
i feel like gollum and smeagol
Sam says:
I'm getting a little bored
Sam says:
heh
Dauntless says:
This preciousssss isssss mines!
Dauntless says:
lets talk to sssssamsss precious
Dauntless says:
she is getting bored
Dauntless says:
*strokes your hair*
Dauntless says:
precioussssss
Dauntless says:
good precioussss
Sam says:
um...
Sam says:
Could you not do that...
Dauntless says:
why? precioussss? we loves the preciousss... good ssssam, we loves the precious sammsssss
Sam says:
Um...
Sam says:
Bye.
Dauntless says:
NO!
Dauntless says:
don't leave me!
Sam says:
lol
Dauntless says:
*cries*
Sam says:
I knew that was gonna happen
Sam says:
Ever heard of the Pillows?
Sam says:
The Pillows?
Dauntless says:
yes, yes I have
Sam says:
Well?
Dauntless says:
Fawny calls them evil
Sam says:
ok
Dauntless says:
I've never sat down and listened to them
Sam says:
Why does she say that?
Dauntless says:
(Fawn) Because, everyone who is a non-Jrock enthusist thinks that the band is THE JAPANESE BAND... they suck, even for a trite jpop band trying to be jrock... they suck... well they suck as much as ROMANTICA... (don't even ask who they are... you DON'T want to know).
Dauntless says:
*enthusiast
Dauntless says:
and that would be my lovely roommate
Dauntless says:
isn't she nice?
Sam says:
I like some of their stuff though
Dauntless says:
(Fawn) Well then... Let me take some time out of my busy schedule to show you what REAL Jrock is... and not some pussy ass pop shit trying to be Jrock...
Sam says:
I mean they're definitely not great
Sam says:
Some of their stuff is ok
Sam says:
and I have no desire right now to listen to anything
Dauntless says:
Okay
Dauntless says:
She suggests "Art of Life" by X-Japan
Dauntless says:
when you are in the mood
Sam says:
It won't really matter because either way I don't listen to the lyrics but just the sound.
Sam says:
They design their sound differently than others
Dauntless says:
well thats cook
Sam says:
and they were choosen to be a part of Flooly Cooly for a reason
Dauntless says:
Flooly Cooly?
Sam says:
They weren't meant to be anything special beyond the soundtrack in my opinion
Sam says:
It's a good anime
Dauntless says:
ah
Sam says:
You would find it amusing
Dauntless says:
probably
Sam says:
freakin expensive though
Sam says:
they want a lot of money for the thing
Sam says:
and it's only six episodes
Dauntless says:
wow
Dauntless says:
that kinda sorta sucks
Dauntless says:
majorly
Sam says:
it was kind of supposed to be an OVA or movie sort of thing
Dauntless says:
ah...
Sam says:
You have to watch them in order to get it
Sam says:
and even then sometimes you have to watch again to get any of it
Sam says:
it's a very different anime
Dauntless says:
well i will put it on the list of things to see before i die *puts it down on the list* damn, thats getting to be a really long list.... *ponders this* oh well... (and none of that is sarcastic, btw)
Sam says:
oh
Sam says:
well
Sam says:
I guess I should go buy that sometime
Dauntless says:
its all most midnight there sam. i hope i'm not keeping you up to late
Dauntless says:
?
Dauntless says:
??
Dauntless says:
???
Dauntless says:
????
Dauntless says:
Sam?
Sam says:
sorry
Sam says:
I'm talking to Mandi at the same time
Dauntless says:
oh
Dauntless says:
tell her i said hello
Sam says:
Ok
Sam says:
She's probably online
Dauntless says:
on msn?
Sam says:
she does the same thing you do
Sam says:
No
Sam says:
yahoo
Dauntless says:
She said she was getting rid of it
Sam says:
She didn't
Sam says:
just because she says she will doesn't mean she does
Sam says:
she still has it
Dauntless says:
ah
Dauntless says:
well i'm sfdawertrvhghnhnhhjnmmjruietgw31576bsgh567dhjyuigasr afdyrhwtvfdhe5b
Sam says:
I see
Dauntless says:
sorry. idk what happened there
Sam says:
I have the idea that means tired
Dauntless says:
that too
Dauntless says:
but i'm not going to bed yet
Sam says:
lol
Dauntless says:
if i do... i'll be up again
Dauntless says:
cause my tummy hurts
Sam says:
I see
Dauntless says:
yeppers
Sam says:
You should take of that
Sam says:
That stomach
Dauntless says:
"Doko ni yukeba ii anata to hanarete"
Sam says:
You should go to the doctor and tell to take it out
Sam says:
...
Sam says:
You expect me to know what that means?
Dauntless says:
yes, i'll definitely go to the dr and say "hey, my stomach hurts, take the damn thing out"
Dauntless says:
and no
Dauntless says:
i don't expect you to know what that means
Dauntless says:
its a line from X-Japan's Tears
Dauntless says:
it says "Where Should I go? We're Drifting apart"
Dauntless says:
I felt like saying it
Dauntless says:
not to you, but someone else
Dauntless says:
and well, i can't
Dauntless says:
so i said it to you
Sam says:
I see
Sam says:
Sara?
Sam says:
Or your family?
Dauntless says:
Both
Dauntless says:
and a few others
Sam says:
Or someone else?
Sam says:
ah
Dauntless says:
Had some bad dreams last night
Dauntless says:
and i think it has to do with that
Sam says:
Mew?
Dauntless says:
I dreamt about my friend (well, Ex-friend) Tony (the married black man i went to prom with)
Sam says:
ah
Sam says:
Haven't seen him ever since he left
Sam says:
You should have went to prom with me
Dauntless says:
I should've
Dauntless says:
that would've been cook
Dauntless says:
lol
Sam says:
Oh yeah
Sam says:
I went as a guy with Mandi and Dana
Dauntless says:
i know you did
Dauntless says:
lol
Sam says:
I had fun at this one more than the last one
Sam says:
It was a little better
Sam says:
the post prom was better
Dauntless says:
you told me you danced with a cute girl
Sam says:
Yeah the girl who wanted to dance like the samba with close contact but no movement
Sam says:
yeah
Sam says:
That interesting
Dauntless says:
lol
Dauntless says:
"Ikoku no sora mitsumete kodoku wo dakishimeta" = "I gazed at a foreign sky and embraced the loneliness" (or at least thats what the video says it means) Fawny didn't say it was wrong, so I guess it must be somewhat accurate. I know that "dakishimeta" means embrace because Gackt uses it in almost every song he sings
Dauntless says:
He is always embracing/holding someone
Dauntless says:
and they are always leaving him
Dauntless says:
its very sad
Sam says:
I'm sorry
Dauntless says:
I guess women are also untrustworthy
Sam says:
Maybe that guy needs a hug
Dauntless says:
i think he does
Sam says:
most people are untrustworthy
Dauntless says:
true
Dauntless says:
which is the reason that I have no one
Sam says:
huh?
Dauntless says:
nothing
Dauntless says:
nvm
Sam says:
no one as in person to love?
Dauntless says:
i guess so
Sam says:
for your own?
Dauntless says:
idk
Dauntless says:
i'm lonesome i guess
Sam says:
ah
Sam says:
I see
Dauntless says:
i want to be with someone, but i'm to scared to be with someone... and with everything going on w/mom and dad i just really never want to ever get married
Dauntless says:
or have anything really to do with men period
Dauntless says:
I can't trust either of my fathers
Dauntless says:
so how can I trust any other men?
Dauntless says:
which fawn says is dumb reasoning
Dauntless says:
idk
Dauntless says:
i'm rambling
Dauntless says:
ignore me
Sam says:
No
Sam says:
It's good reasoning
Sam says:
It takes time to feel for a person and the fact that you are cautious is one of your best personality features
Sam says:
You were scarred by your fathers' performance in your life
Sam says:
You have no reason to think that men are any better at trust and love than lowlife criminals
Dauntless says:
i guess not
Sam says:
it takes time to get past fear Sarai
Sam says:
I should know
Dauntless says:
well, i act all brave, all strong and really i'm terrified. i give great advice, but i can't take it. i'm so scared of what people will see behind the facade i've set up
Sam says:
Heh
Sam says:
Aren't we all
Sam says:
We are taught as children to be as everyone else
Sam says:
it didn't matter if we wanted to be ourselves inside
Sam says:
and so we wrapped ourselves carefully to hide the delicateness within
Sam says:
We try so hard to be what everyone else wants us to be, that we become afraid of what would happen if we slipped for just a moment, just once
Dauntless says:
yeah
Dauntless says:
i guess i just thought that i had overcome all this stuff
Dauntless says:
but my parent's divorcing is bringing/stirring up all my old fears, all my insecurities
Dauntless says:
everything
Sam says:
No one overcomes years of hatred, greed, distrust and unhappiness
Sam says:
not without several years of trying
Dauntless says:
yeah
Dauntless says:
you're right.
Dauntless says:
i just kinda wish it wasn't like that
Dauntless says:
well i don't kinda wish
Dauntless says:
i DO wish
Dauntless says:
"if wishes were horses beggars would ride"
Sam says:
Yeah
Sam says:
That is a good quote
Dauntless says:
and we are back with Sarai and Sam on "Deep discussion" Radio
Dauntless says:
todays topic: Getting over shit in the past
Dauntless says:
lol
Sam says:
lol
Sam says:
Wow
Dauntless says:
pretty much
Dauntless says:
one day we should have our own radio program
Dauntless says:
it would entertain
Dauntless says:
and annoy
Dauntless says:
lol
Sam says:
No
Sam says:
I can't talk like this in real life Sarai
Sam says:
I have a speech problem
Dauntless says:
i know, you've told me
Dauntless says:
i couldn't do it eiterh
Dauntless says:
*either
Sam says:
No, I think you could if you really wanted to be an actress
Dauntless says:
i could only do it if i was acting. i can't be honest or at least not having it be known that its honest
Dauntless says:
if i was acting, everyone would think it was the acting
Dauntless says:
not honesty
Dauntless says:
so i can be honesty hidden under the facade of dishonesty
Sam says:
Acting should not be different from honesty
Sam says:
a good actor or artist does not use "acting"
Sam says:
they use honesty
Dauntless says:
which is why i'll probably never make a "good" actress
Dauntless says:
i'll always be second rate
Dauntless says:
to scared to be "honest"
Sam says:
If you can be honest in your feelings, but use those feelings to make lies believable, then you will be worthy of academy awards
Sam says:
It takes a lot of work
Sam says:
but you can do it
Sam says:
You just have to act natural
Dauntless says:
i'm glad that you have faith in me....
Dauntless says:
SQUEE!
Dauntless says:
lol
Sam says:
he
Sam says:
heh
Sam says:
the icon
Sam says:
lol
Sam says:
wow
Dauntless says:
i know
Dauntless says:
i'm so strange
Dauntless says:
lol
Dauntless says:
http://i214.photobucket.com/albums/cc64/Makos_girl_13/rose.jpg
Dauntless says:
this is a guy named Rose
Dauntless says:
I thinks he is cute
Dauntless says:
he is from a band called "The TRAX", well formerly of... now he is in a different band called the "Romantists"
Dauntless says:
in The TRAX he had platinum blonde hair
Sam says:
I see
Sam says:
He looks like a girls
Sam says:
girl*
Dauntless says:
yeah... most guys who have been in Visual Kei look like girls
Dauntless says:
lol
Sam says:
Well he does
Dauntless says:
i know
Dauntless says:
and i like him anyway
Sam says:
I can barely tell if his collar bone goes down
Dauntless says:
lol
Dauntless says:
well trust me, its a guy
Dauntless says:
a very beautiful guy
Dauntless says:
Fawny says that he is the World's Greatest tragedy
Dauntless says:
Because he was born with a penis
Sam says:
...
Dauntless says:
though she refuses to believe he has a penis
Dauntless says:
which is funny if you ask me
Sam says:
ok
Sam says:
That's a little strange
Dauntless says:
yeah
Dauntless says:
hold on, i'll show you why she says that
Sam says:
ok
Sam says:
Is this gonna be gross by any chance?
Dauntless says:
no
Dauntless says:
not gross
Sam says:
ok
Sam says:
wait
Sam says:
brb again
Dauntless says:
kk
Sam says:
My legs hurt.
Dauntless says:
i'm sorry
Sam says:
Ok
Dauntless says:
that must suck
Sam says:
now what were sending?
Dauntless says:
http://s84.photobucket.com/albums/k18/dauntfreesparro18/random%20people/?action=view&current=rose12.jpg
Dauntless says:
that
Dauntless says:
Rose when he was in The TRAX
Sam says:
ok
Dauntless says:
why Fawny calls him the greatest world tragedy
Sam says:
whoa
Dauntless says:
yeah
Dauntless says:
thats a man
Dauntless says:
She says he makes her feel bad for being a girl
Sam says:
He's almost as bad as Shinya of Dir En Grey
Dauntless says:
lol, i know right?
Sam says:
Yeah
Sam says:
He makes me feel bad too
Sam says:
If a guy can do better than me at being a girl then I must not be a very good girl.
Dauntless says:
exactly
Sam says:
I don't see how that's a tragedy though
Dauntless says:
that he was born with a penis... something that pretty should apparently have a vagina instead... idky its a tragedy, but it is to Fawny
Sam says:
ok
Dauntless says:
yepp
Dauntless says:
Depp
Dauntless says:
Johnny!!
Dauntless says:
lol
Sam says:
yes
Sam says:
Jonny Depp
Sam says:
...
Sam says:
Drool*
Dauntless says:
*drools as well*
Dauntless says:
*floods keyboard*
Dauntless says:
oops
Dauntless says:
O.O
Sam says:
lol
Sam says:
um
Sam says:
That might be bad
Dauntless says:
x.x
Dauntless says:
just a little
Dauntless says:
barely worth mentioning of course
Dauntless says:
e_e
Dauntless says:
x_x
Dauntless says:
o_o
Dauntless says:
I is making faces at you!
Dauntless says:
O.o
Sam says:
I see that
Dauntless says:
o.O
Dauntless says:
O.O
Dauntless says:
o.o
Dauntless says:
Lol
Dauntless says:
it makes me giggle
Sam says:
I see
Dauntless says:
yeppers
Dauntless says:
I want to go and watch Sweeney Todd now... damn it
Sam says:
ok
Dauntless says:
*.*
Sam says:
why not?
Dauntless says:
because it would require going and finding the disk and making arlin move the tv back out into the living room
Dauntless says:
neither of which he is going to do now
Dauntless says:
because he hurts
Dauntless says:
and is going to bed
Dauntless says:
nigh nigh don'tcha kno
Sam says:
ah
Sam says:
what time is it there?
Dauntless says:
i don't know why i suddenly resorted to baby talk there, i apologize
Dauntless says:
11:29pm
Sam says:
Really?
Dauntless says:
yep
Dauntless says:
which means its 12:29am there
Sam says:
it's almost 1 here
Sam says:
yep
Dauntless says:
time differences, aren't they just the bees knees?
Dauntless says:
giggle-snort
Sam says:
oh yeah
Sam says:
Definitely
Dauntless says:
cook
Dauntless says:
so cook
Dauntless says:
lol
Sam says:
heh
Sam says:
Well, my screwy period is winding down I'm afraid
Sam says:
I'm getting tired
Dauntless says:
okey dokey
Dauntless says:
go night night
Dauntless says:
and i will speak at thee later
Sam says:
ok
Sam says:
good night Sarai
Dauntless says:
night Sam
Sam says:
I hope I was helpful and such
Dauntless says:
yeppers
Dauntless says:
I is much happier
Dauntless says:
lol
Dauntless says:
seriously though, thanks for listening/reading
Sam says:
Don't close the window until you save the convo
Dauntless says:
i really appreciate it
Sam says:
Yeah
Dauntless says:
i won't
Dauntless says:
lol
Sam says:
You did it for me
Dauntless says:
Yeah
Dauntless says:
Night love
Sam says:
night love