Apart

I'm sitting here. He's pacing about. He's screaming. I'm going deaf. I am pushing him out, clapping my hands over my ears to stop the sounds. I don't know how we got here, but I know its not all my fault. One hundred percent on both parts, thats what we said. One hundred from both. So when did it become two hundred on mine and none on yours? We can't keep going on like this, dear. I can't love you enough to make you stay, and you don't hate me enough yet to leave. I uselessly spend these tears on a pillow, you don't care, so why should it?

So what do we do? Stand here, pacing about in circles, growling and snarling at each other like feral cats in a cage? I won't be caged dear, and I won't stand to let you try. I can't stand to see you caged either, so don't make me attempt it. I don't want to hurt you anymore, I am to tired to argue. Go ahead, keep screaming, it won't help. Its not going to help the matter, and the words only fall to the ground like dead dreams and hopes. Love, such a funny word to bring up now. Such a strange emotion to suddenly appear here beside us. We are divided and yet love once stood with and between our breaking hearts.

You finally sit. It is my turn to pace the room. The silence is deafening, you're whispering truths that don't want to permeate the air. I can't breathe. Sweetheart, can you? My heart is dying in my chest, yours is withering too. Go ahead, say it. Say you want out, tell me the lies that want to escape your mouth. You do love me, we've grown to far apart, we should move on. We should separate. And with those three words you toss these years over your shoulder and never look back. I can't do it, babe. I can't move on. I don't want it to end like this. I don't want to lose you this way, shouldn't have to.

So you move on, you go on to the next love. The next girl to make you happy. I'm standing in the rain in front of your door. I can hear you laughing on the other side. The rain is pouring down, I'm drenched, but I can't leave it. I hear you say you don't know me, hear the truths you kept hidden suddenly free themselves and fly. I hear you kiss her. I hear you love her, they all say you do. But I'm not going to listen, I'm still standing in that house with you pacing and screaming. You are telling me that you hate me, hate how I am, hate who I am. And I always loved who you were.

Memories flood to the surface, like blood to the skin. The time we sat quietly by the ocean, our dreams interwoven with the white clouds above. We were so young, so gentle and soft. That was years ago. Now we have hardened, growing up and then letting the gaps increase. Let the cracks grow wide and destroy us. I can't love you enough to make you stay and you don't hate me enough to leave. So we continue, hold hands like its the truth. Touch lips like they need to experience that pain. Leave. Darling, if nothing is left to salvage, just leave. Throw the years away, begin again with another lover. I'll be okay. But lets not stay this way any longer.

I loved you more.