Current mood:confused
I don't quite know how I am feeling right this moment. Everything is kind of up in the air and I want to cry, but feel like I shouldn't. I'm so excited because tomorrow I have an interview for a job, but I'm so sad because my grandfather might not be alive tomorrow.
As many of you who have been paying attention know, my grandfather has been in very poor health recently. Not only this, but he won't let us see him. By us I mean, Chris, Hannah, Andy, Ryan and I. Andy and Ryan are my cousins. He doesn't want any of the grandchildren to see him in his condition, which isn't strange, because any time something has happened that affected his appearance he didn't want us around. But it hurts, because I will never get to see him alive again.
And tomorrow I have an interview at 3pm with Coach House Gifts in the Mall. If I get full-time, I will get medical benefits so I can get an inhaler and take care of some medical issues.
Its hard to feel both of these things at once. I just want Grandpa to live, you know? I want him to stick around to see me get married, he hasn't even gotten to meet Donnie. And I don't have any other Grandpas. None like him, who shared his love of classical movies with me, who always called me "Sug", who always smelled like too much tobacco and beer. He may not have been the perfect grandfather, but he has loved me. He gave me "Anne Frank: Diary of a Young Girl" for Christmas when I was 13 or 14, because it changed his life and he wanted to share that with me. He defended me against my grandmother's quips about my weight. He loves sports, any kind, he is a great cook.
God, I'm going to miss him.
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