Dirty. Growing up in a Christian Cult (part of what I'm working on)

Current mood:nervous

This is something I'm working on right now. It is a biography about my life I guess. I just want people to know about the horrors that Christians commit every Sunday. I grew up in a very strict and oppressive Christian home and I just want to expose a lot of what went on in that childhood.

This will definitely give insight as to why I am no longer a practicing Christian also.

I still have nightmares about being in that church. I will probably change the names, because if I ever publish it I don't want a few choice people to know that it is them. I will probably also change my name for it, I don't know yet.

If anyone else on my friends/blog list has had some horrific experiences related to Christianity or any other religion, send me a message. I would love to compare experiences.

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Dickens once said, "It was the best of the times, it was the worst of times". No truer words have been written or spoken sense, at least in my opinion. The very essence of life is to be best, worst and every flavor in-between. I'm sure, in many ways, I am no different than any other young woman in the world when it comes to growing up in a house that was continuously a mixture of best and worse, oppression and freedom. I am, in many ways, like every other woman in the eyes of the church, Dirty.

From as young as I can remember I went to church faithfully with my mom and, when he came on the scene, my step-father. When I was younger church was everything to me. God was my all consuming passion, I wanted to be a missionary, I would preach to the trees that surrounded our house. I wanted to get married and have a whole house full of children that I was determined to home-school. The sad thing, is that the only reason I wanted to do those things was because I was told that is what I was supposed to do.

From the time that I was very young it was instilled into my brain that my whole reason for existing was to get married and have many children that I would raise to be Godly men and women. As a woman, I was least important. My only roles in life were to be the submissive wife and daughter, a mother and an obedient child of God. I can probably name on one hand the number of my girlfriends who grew up in my church that did go to college. After all, college isn't important to motherhood or servitude. It would only show a number of options that shouldn't be available to me because of my sex and standing.

I shouldn't worry about college, because when I got married I would have to focus on being a stay at home wife and mother. I shouldn't worry about getting a job other than baby-sitting (which would teach me about parenthood) or housecleaning, because what else does a woman need to know?

Now, I should probably point out that it was never actually said that I shouldn't go to college or get a real job, it was never actually said that my only job in life was being a mother and wife. However, I would like to point out a few examples of what "true Christian women" are supposed to be like.

There was a family in my church whose patriarch was one of the head pastors. His wife had given him ten sons, if I remember correctly, and one daughter. She didn't have a job, she stayed home and home-schooled her 11 children. The pastor's only job was the church. Most of the women in my church didn't have jobs and home-schooled their children, I can probably name three or four families who actually attended school and whose matriarchs had jobs.

However, even though my mother home-schooled my brother and I, she wasn't considered a "true Christian woman" for reasons still unknown to me. She has said once or twice that it was because the leaders of our church felt that she was a disobedient wife. The men in my church were incredibly disrespectful to my mother, including the head pastor.