Not getting it...

Forgive me, but is there something I'm missing? Am I just to blind to understand what is going on here? I don't understand how one can be completely surrounded by people and yet totally alone. For example, my boyfriend is visiting. And even though he is here and I know that I'm not alone, I feel completely lost and alone, like a child who has wandered from her mother's arms. I just want to cry on his shoulder like my world is ending, but I don't know why I want to cry. Overall, I should be fairly content. Yeah, life has its problems, but I shouldn't be so down.

Maybe its my depression acting up? *shakes head* I feel like an old woman right now, completely broken and shriveled up. Does anyone else feel like this? Or am I the only one?

I do know somethings that are bothering me right now. So here they are:
I am so tired of People

I am tired of the bullshit and the judging, the lies and the hatred.

I am tired of being sexually abused

I am tired of being called a whore or a slut by people who don't even know me. All because I happen to be heavy set and have larger breasts. How the hell does that make any sense?!

I am tired of men who claim to love you, but treat you like shit. I especially hate how they keep you coming back for more, even though you know in your heart that you deserve better.

I am tired of being taken advantage of. Why me?! Why my friends?! Why does mankind have to be so selfish that all they care about is their way and what they can get from others?

I am tired of wanting to be loved. I am tired of being lonely when I have so many people that DO love me and surround me.

I am tired of feeling completely useless, worthless, ugly and pitiful.

I am fed up with men like my step-father.

I am saddened because I have always been fatherless, it just took awhile to realize it. I know, Bethany, I'm not completely fatherless, I have a Heavenly Father that loves me. But I want an earthly father. Someone to walk me down the aisle when I get married, someone to care about who I date, to care about me and wants the best for me. That would be nice.

I am disheartened by everything that goes on around me. I am tired of Justice never being done. I am tired of the bad guys winning. I am tired of people who are so prejudiced that they can't see past their own nose to see truth.

Most of all, I am tired of feeling like this. I am tired of wanting a perfect world even though I know it will never happen. I am tired of wishing on that stupid star hoping for a miracle. I am tired of talking to thin air when I try to talk to God. I am tired of people telling me that God is there and that He does care when I look around at the stuff He is allowing to happen. It doesn't make sense to me. I just don't get it.