Tonight I wanna Cry (dA)

Thu Jul 2, 2009, 8:30 PM

* Mood: Emotional
* Listening to: Tonight I Wanna Cry - Keith Urban
* Reading: A Raisin in the Sun
* Watching: my life shatter
* Playing: Plants vs. Zombies
* Eating: Donuts
* Drinking: Cherry Coke

You know, I don't get it, I really don't. I don't understand where you are coming from, because no matter what I would be there for you. If everyone was attacking HIM you would be so mad, you would be hurt, and you would defend HIM. But you don't expect me to defend mine? You don't expect me to be hurt and angry that you think so little of him, after everything we have been through this year?

If it was me needing the shoulder, would yours be there? I think not. Because if the situation was reversed you would be telling me that you have had worse things happen to you, then you would complain about your mom and your bitchy sisters and then expect me to feel better because, after all, my life isn't the hell yours is. Right? Isn't that it?

SO if YOUR mother had screamed at you for nothing today, had attacked you verbally for asking a simple question, you would be bawling your eyes out, you would be angry and you would tell me it wasn't fair that you get treated this way, but because it happened to me you say "oh that happens to everyone, at least your mom doesn't hit you when she is mad". That is beside the fucking point!

If it was Z/K that your mother was attacking you would stand up in a heartbeat, you would be pissed. You would say your mom had no right, your would defend him with everything you had, but you don't expect me to do the same? You doubt what I say is true?! FUCK YOU!

You continuously go back to a person who treats you like shit, after every time saying, "I will never talk to so-and-so again" but he makes a few off-color jokes and he says a few things that hurt your feelings and you are ready to throw him away like a piece of used tissue paper?! You continuously stand up for a mother that hurts you, a little sister that has tried to kill you, but you expect me to let you just say whatever you want about someone who has loved me and treated me better than anyone else has?! FUCK THAT SHIT!

I'm sorry your life is shitty, I'm sorry that I can't fix everything, but this is FUCKING RIDICULOUS!! I'm not going to choose between the two of you. I'm not choosing between any of my friends and him. I've had enough. I won't choose, I'll just leave. And maybe that is running away, and it would be running from the best thing to ever happen to me, but you know what? I can't take this anymore.

I'm tired of being a rock, I'm tired of being EVERYONE'S FUCKING SHOULDER TO CRY ON!! When there isn't anyone willing to be my shoulder in return.

I'm tired of being Wonder Woman, I'm tired of being everything to everyone else, when no one tries for me. And the shitty thing is, that I love you so much and I hate to see it come to this. I don't want to lose this friendship, but I hate the double standards.