13 Days... (dA)

Journal Entry: Fri Mar 21, 2008, 11:54 PM

• Mood: Tearful
• Listening to: Blue by A Perfect Circle
• Reading: the minds of men in books
• Playing: the "I will not Cry" game
• Eating: cranberries
• Drinking: Mt. Dew

I could cry, but I can't... he's sitting to close by me. Can't show this weakness that is filling me. Can't let him see that he's killing me. Stealing my breath, my will to live, my lust for life... they're all flying out the window.

I don't want to leave my parent's house mad. But I'm so tired of all this crap that keeps happening. I'm not perfect, get over it. I never will be perfect, get over it! You have known me 15 years of my 19 and you still haven't figured out that I am who I am and always will be. Stop yelling at me, stop trying to fit me into your mold!!

He wants to hear me say that I am in love with him, but only loves me as a sister. How can i live with this heavy weight pressing upon my shoulders, shoving me down into the dirt? Don't let me say it, if you don't reciprocate. You don't feel the same, so don't ask me to say how I feel. it only makes me die a little more inside. And I can't do this anymore.

His coldness is pushing me away. There is no longer an "I love you" no longer an embrace or a kiss upon this cheek. You have been my father, my friend for 15 years, why now do you turn from me? Just because I am not perfect doesn't make me your enemy, or you mine! Stop ignoring me. We don't have much time!