i just don’t understand....

Once again my parents may be getting divorced. Will they actually go through w/it this time? Nobody knows. The terrible thing is I almost wish they would. Because I can't stand to see them both in pain. And to be honest, I don't believe that my step-dad loves my mom anymore. Which may sound cruel, but I just don't think he does. The question is, is it fair to get a divorce when you know that your partner doesn't love you anymore? Or maybe they never did?
As you probably notice, I didn't say "is it right" i asked if it was fair. I know that God hates divorce and that he gave only three ways out of marriage: Death, Adultery, Unbeliever chooses to leave.
Besides that, where does it leave me? where does it leave my siblings? For years now, I've been fooling myself, saying that my "mixed" family was way better than some that my friends have. But it wasn't. It never has been. My parents' marriage is a sad one. Truthfully they are such polar opposites that I don't even understand how they came together. my mom says that "God sent him" to her. If that is true, then why is God allowing her to go through Hell and letting their marriage fall to pieces?
Now, don't give me the whole "God gave us free will" shit. I know all that stuff, I could write a book about it. I've lived my life believing that God is a "Gentleman" who doesn't interfere, He allows us to do what we do. But that doesn't make this any less confusing! How the hell am I supposed to know what God is saying? What He wants, if He is to much of a gentleman to intervene?!
I DON'T UNDERSTAND!!! And maybe I never will...
Then comes the even harder stuff. My father decided to leave my life when i was young and Wes is the only dad I've ever known. But I don't love him as my father. He makes me angry and sometimes I hate him. But I love him. Which is crazy. And all the times that they have talked about separating and divorcing I have wanted them to stay together for the sake of us. But now i see that i would rather they divorce than live like we do. How am I supposed to feel?! What I am supposed to do? I feel so helpless and lost and alone!

The Mermaid: Chapter V

Chapter Five

As he pulled her up the water rocked under them. Together, they stood upon the water, her tail slowly changing back to legs. She could not see him, her back to his chest, only everything around her. Then, as if in a dream, the water rose to the sky, engulfing them in a wave of water. Fire shot out of the deep, ashen lightning struck all around them, everything shook. For a confused moment, the mermaid thought that she could see her father above her, throwing down stars and pieces of the sky. It was then that the demon pulled her close to his chest, her back pressed close to him. He, too, was looking up into the face of the breaking sky. He seemed afraid and angry at the same moment.

Then he crossed his arms across her chest and dragged her under. At first she fought him, trying to escape his embrace, trying to breathe. Her body struggled to return to tail and fin, her body half faded. It was as if his arms were burning into her flesh, as if they were becoming one as they reached the floor. The ocean floor began to open beneath them, surrounding them in darkness. Her heart beat furiously as they touched earth.

For the first time in four years, the change was painful. It tore, what remained of, her body down and seared it back. She now only had one arm and one leg. She could still walk, as if it was still there, but no evidence existed. Her body ached and shook from the pain. She could not feel anything, only the pain that held her down.

The demon held her closely as she changed. He knew how the pain was all that existed in her at that moment. She shook violently, just as the world above them shook and tore apart. If it was possible, in that moment he loved her. He longed to set her free from the pain, and the eternity she would suffer alone. His lips brushed her spider web thin hair, and his hand grazed hers.

As she regained her vision, Troian began to notice the darkness all about them. All she could see the demon's glowing white hair and the bloody red tips. His face remained shrouded by the cloak and a gentle mist that encircled them. In that moment she wanted to see his face, see the expression. Was it evil or good? She did not know why she wanted to know, but the question continued to persist. She could feel his eyes on her, his arms slowly releasing her body. His gaze unsettling, even in the dark. The silence wrapped it's arms around them, causing shivers to run up and down her spine. She could feel his heart beat, feel his soul take a breath, in the silent shadows.

He stretched out a hand to touch her, but, as if sensing his touch, she drew back, afraid. He seemed to ignore this, moving closer to her. She tried to move back, but found she could not, her back against a barrier. His hand brushed her face, the heat of his hands burning into her. She remembered Jael's fingers, icy to the touch so that they burned.

When his lips found hers, his kiss burned against her mouth, at once the most heartrending experience of her life. It stole her breath, both sweetness and pain, soft and harsh. It burned against her soul, touching every part of her, without leaving her lips. It was at once heaven and hell, fire and water, the deepest pain her blood and soul had suffered. She knew that this would be the last thing she felt, the last taste of life she would touch. Good and evil were laced in that kiss and her death sealed it.

It was destined that she die in his arms. That she fade with only his kiss to follow her lost soul for all eternity. In the depths of her soul, it was truth. Truth was not a myth, for it lay here, it was touching her deep within. It was good that she lost Dante, to gain this demon and lose herself. Finally, she would not have to remember anything or feel anything. She was finally free. Even as she faded further and further away, his lips remained against hers, she would never be alone again.

For in the never-ending black abyss of hell, she could remember that kiss. All she could think of was that he had freed her. With his kiss, with this final gentle touch, he had freed her to lose herself. He had freed her to lose herself, find her peace, find her truth and be who she was before love had destroyed her. In those last moments she left herself behind, fading into oblivion.