When You Say You Love Me

Long time, no blog. Though, I've been blogging @saraicrazyblog.blogspot.com quite a bit recently, I decided it was time to come back to this blog. The first one I ever had. Because we've come full circle, dear blog.

In less than twelve hours I will be marrying the love of my life.

In less than twelve hours I'll be changing my name and starting a brand new life.

In less than twelve hours I'll be Mrs. instead of Ms.

I can't believe it. And I can't sleep, because I am still awake making the music list... which I should've done sooner. And I have to be up in 6 hours to shower and get ready for my big day.

The song from "My Fair Lady" is going through my head. Eliza's father dancing and singing and getting absolutely trashed.

Will it last? I don't know. I hope it does.

When you say you love me, do you know how I love you?

Following the Pink Gibson Road (dA)

* Mood: Passionate
* Listening to: Dwarf Fortress
* Reading: Under the Poppy - Kathe Koja
* Watching: The Glass Menagerie
* Playing: HMDSC
* Eating: Lemon Bars
* Drinking: Moon Mist

If you will recall, I wrote a story about a year and a half ago called "The J-Rock Wizard of Oz". Well, I think it is about time I published it and a few of my other stories/poems.

I haven't figured out how to do this just yet, but I'm going to do some research and see what happens. I really want to show the world what I can do and I think this is the way to do it.

So, let me know what you think.

All for now, kittens.

love,
Sarai

Disgusted (dA)

* Mood: Outraged
* Listening to: the reports on MSN.com
* Drinking: Coffee

I cannot understand why someone would break into a museum and destroy the priceless histories within.

For those of you who don't know the Cairo Museum was broken into and several (I don't know an exact number) artifacts were destroyed, needlessly. Even two mummies did not escape the desecration.

I agree, wholeheartedly, with Dr. Zahi Hawass "My heart is broken and my blood is boiling".

Who does that? Who goes out and ravages history's final remnants? We have only this one life and it is spent reaping the rewards of History's lessons and we choose rather to destroy it than to preserve it! Who cares about history? Who cares about some dead guys wrapped in cloth in a museum somewhere thousands of miles across the ocean?

I CARE! We are the products of history! We are history in the making! Why would we ever choose to destroy rather than to protect?!

It is ridiculous! I have completely lost faith in a humanity that robs the dead and desecrates a house of History.

Do Want (dA)

Tue Jan 18, 2011, 11:54 PM

* Mood: Unhappy
* Reading: We the Living - Ayn Rand
* Drinking: Cola

[http://www.maurices.com/home/index.jsp;jsessionid=bGvSNJ2QgGy1Z5wpwr1BHnjr91Zg3rwnMJ4KdMsGMT1Xw2xGn99Q!1998519539]

Unfortunately they no longer seem to have them in my size. Oh the humanity!

The only pair of shoes I have ever ACTIVELY longed for and they don't have my size.

*heavy sigh*

Moving: The Unwanted, Undesired 4th Sequel (dA)

* Mood: Rant
* Listening to: More - Matthew West
* Reading: We the Living - Ayn Rand

Due to the pipes bursting (check last journal entry for details) we are moving out. Fawn and the bubby are out already and all that is left is a few minor things.

We were supposed to be out TODAY, but oh well. We will be out tomorrow instead.

In the meantime, I can't believe it is almost midnight... I am really tired!

Have moved in with my brother, btw, in case you wanted to know. Or in case you didn't :lol:.

Yep, that is about it. Just thought I'd update you.

P.S. Moving SUCKS!

P.P.S. I hate moving.

P.P.P.S. Did I mention that I DETEST moving?

P.P.P.P.S. ARGH!

Bursting at the Seams (dA)

* Mood: Rant
* Listening to: King of Anything - Sara Bareilles
* Reading: We the Living - Ayn Rand

So on the 10th (aka: Monday) the pipes in our kitchen burst. Yep, BURST. As in THREE INCHES OF WATER ON THE FLOOR!

Luckily it was mostly contained in the kitchen. However, we now have no water. As in ZILCH, NADA, ZERO!

Currently I'm at my mother's doing laundry and getting ready to take a shower as I have to be at work in less than 3 hours.

Other than that, not much going on. Reading "We the Living" by Ayn Rand, which is surprisingly good. I don't know what I was expecting, but it certainly was not what I am getting. It is fairly well written too. :D

Also, found out one of my friends got her book published!! (I am very jealous!) You should check her out on Amazon!
"Shadows Embrace" Kathryn Dona Lynn Jacks.

And thus begins the crazy, tragic, sometimes almost magic, awful, beautiful new year. :sigh:

Two Thousand and Eleven (dA)

* Mood: Welcoming
* Listening to: Cosmic Love - Florence + the Machine
* Watching: A New Year Unfold
* Eating: Banquet Meals
* Drinking: Cherry Crush

Welcome oh glorious and beautiful New Year! I have been so anxious for your arrival!

And yet, it is weird to think of it already being a new year. Hannah will be 15, Chris will be 21 (heart attack!), Donnie and I will be 23. Also, I am closer to my wedding date!

Will this year be better than the previous?

I have so many hopes for this year, so many fears as well.

I feel like I'm staring through a shop window at a beautiful, pure, cup of snowflakes. I have so many hopes for those flakes, that they may remain unspoiled by a world jaded by life's cruelty.

The rain falls on the just and the unjust, as the bible says.

So many questions I wish to ask this shiny new year. I want to plead with it to remain unspoiled and beautiful. But it can't do that, can it?

Please, whomever listens, let this year remain beautiful!

So, I would like to know what everyone's New Year Resolutions are, please leave a comment and let me know!

Sarai's List of New Year's Resolutions
* Lose weight (as per every year)
* Drink more
* Worry Less
* Go to College
* Buy a car
* Finish a story
* Get another/new job (Long story)
* Read 36 books I've never read before

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

As if Death itself was Undone (dA)

* Mood: Distressed
* Listening to: Blinding - Florence and the Machine
* Reading: Thirst No. 3 - Christopher Pike
* Watching: my life change
* Eating: Banana Walnut Muffins
* Drinking: Coke

Hello beautiful dA family!

I have missed you all (equally and without holding back) and hope that you are all having a very happy holiday wherever you may be.

I've been working like a mad woman for the past couple of weeks. I've barely had time to breathe, let alone do some stuff on here. Plus all of my inspiration seems to have fled in the face of hideous reality.

I am depressed, I am angry, I am frightened and I am stressed to the limit.

And there is nothing I can do about it. Isn't that fun?

I know, I know. I should not worry about things I cannot change because I cannot change them. I can only stand back and allow them to happen because there is nothing I can do. But I hate feeling so fucking helpless all the time.

I keep feeling like I was chosen for something, like I am meant to be here (or there, depending). But everything around me spins out of my control and all I can do is clench my fists and bite my tongue and wish it would end.

Is there no justice? Is there no truth? Is there no true love?

I don't understand. Maybe I never will. Even though life is never fair, this seems far more unfair than is necessary.

And I keep waiting for divine revelation to drop into my lap from a God I no longer believe in and no other seems to care that I exist. Did they ever care to begin with?

So I listen to my music. I have been on a Katy Perry and a Florence and the Machine kick for the last couple weeks. I wish I had a Florence and the Machine cd (particularly "Lungs"), because I am addicted to "Blinding" and "Girl with One Eye"

Seems that I have been held, in some dreaming state
A tourist in the waking world, never quite awake
No kiss, no gentle word could wake me from this slumber
Until I realise that it was you who held me under

Felt it in my fists, in my feet, in the hollows of my eyelids
Shaking through my skull, through my spine and down through my
ribs

No more dreaming of the dead as if death itself was undone
No more calling like a crow for a boy, for a body in the garden
No more dreaming like a girl so in love, so in love
No more dreaming like a girl so in love, so in love
No more dreaming like a girl so in love with the wrong world

And I could hear the thunder and see the lightning crack
All around the world was waking, I never could go back
'Cause all the walls of dreaming, they were torn wide open
And finally it seemed that the spell was broken

And all my bones began to shake, my eyes flew open
And all my bones began to shake, my eyes flew open

No more dreaming of the dead as if death itself was undone
No more calling like a crow for a boy, for a body in the garden
No more dreaming like a girl so in love, so in love
No more dreaming like a girl so in love, so in love
No more dreaming like a girl so in love with the wrong world

Snow White's stitching up the circuit boards
Silence slipping through the hidden door
Snow White's Stitching up your circuit board

No more dreaming of the dead as if death itself was undone
No more calling like a crow for a boy, for a body in the garden
No more dreaming like a girl so in love, so in love
No more dreaming like a girl so in love, so in love
No more dreaming like a girl so in love with the wrong world

Snow White's stitching up the circuit boards
Silence slipping through the hidden door
Snow White's Stitching up your circuit board
Silence slipping through the hidden door

Transitions (dA)

Wed Dec 1, 2010, 3:08 PM

* Mood: Apprehensive
* Listening to: Operator - Shiloh
* Reading: Dexter is Delicious - Jeff Lindsay
* Watching: my life change
* Playing: the Transition Game
* Eating: A Hamburger (Soon that is)
* Drinking: Coke

In life there are always transitions.

Moments change and love is either won or lost in the adventure. We discover things that we didn't know, we learn things we didn't want to know. We crave truth or a lie, a soft touch and we release a sigh.

This is a transition.

I am changing, we are changing. Life is a river, constantly moving and constantly changing. It may not always end the way I want it to, but the transition is there none the less.

Dear God,
Just because we aren't on the best of terms is no reason to be a jerk.
Just Sayin'.
Sarai

D.C., a Pearl and other things. (dA)

* Mood: Content
* Listening to: You Spin Me Round - Dead or Alive
* Reading: Erica's IM
* Watching: You Spin Me Round - Dead or Alive
* Playing: the waiting game
* Drinking: Coke, no Ice. :D

Hello!

Long time, no write! I have been working a lot recently and not been able to get on here to do anything!

So, I went to D.C.

I didn't get to really do anything I wanted, other than get my picture taken by the monuments, which I will post shortly. I missed out on the rally, I didn't get to see "Rocky Horror Picture Show", I missed Eddie Izzard (who is like my fav comedian EVER!) and my friend got really sick and was throwing up.

Other than that though, it was good. :D

On Friday (last week) Donnie gave me a real engagement ring! The one we were using was the one he made for our first Anniversary (August 5th, 2009)and it is falling apart because it needs to be soddered (I'm not sure how to spell that). So he bought me a pearl engagement ring with little maxite (I think) stones around it. It is a BIG pearl too. And very real!! It is heavy on my finger, but I love it!

He even got down on one knee when he gave it to me! I'll try to get pictures of it up soon so you can all admire his good taste (lol).

Anyway, I have been working my proverbial ass off recently. I love, love, LOVE my job. And today I got two compliments, extra hours, and hit on by a cute pastor. lol.

Don't worry, Donnie is my man all the way, but it is nice to be hit on by cute guys. Just saying.

Not to mention we have candles at work that smell like cologne... I think I need to get some so my house always smells like sexy men. :giggle:

Anyway, that is all for now. I'm off for the next adventure. God only knows what it will be!

Ta ta,
Sarai

Finally (dA)

* Mood: Insecure
* Listening to: Teenage Dream - Katy Perry

As of Monday (last week) I have a job at Kohl's Department Store!!

And yesterday Donnie turned 22 (but I'll continue to pretend that he is older than me, :giggle: ).

On Friday I'm going to Washington D.C. for a last hooray before I have to be an adult. I'm very excited!

Everything is going fairly well over all. I have a job, a wonderful fiance/husband, and I am going on a trip to a place I've never been.

So why am I so depressed?

Long Time No Blog

Hey Everyone out in MySpace land.

Yeah, I've not written in a while. I've been really depressed. I do this. I'm sure you noticed that there have been no new episodes of the crazy show or new blogs or the day. And even now I'm not working on it. I need to log in there though.

This is just a quick note to say I'm alive. And that I still exist.

This is also to say that I think its time. I don't know what it is time for, but it is time. I know it is. I feel it in my bones.

I'll let you know when I figure it out.

May the Darkness be Merciful.

Sarai

22 (dA)

* Mood: Optimism
* Listening to: Fawny type. :D
* Reading: Dangerous Liasons
* Playing: Oblivion

For those of you who aren't in the know, I'm turning 22 on Saturday. I wish you guys lived near me so you could come to the the little party I'm apparently having. O.O

Anyway, Donnie has planned everything. I have no IDEA what is going on either. Isn't he sweet?

I DO know that I get cheesecake (with caramel swirls and chocolate drizzle) and that some of my friends are coming over around 7 or 7:30. That is it though. :shrug:

Also, I have no idea what Fawn has planned.

Anyway, I didn't get the job at the dry cleaners, got paid for my time, but that was it. Oh well.

And right now I'm writing an erotic story (which won't get posted on here, because I'm not about to expose my younger friends to my twisted mind) and a little story about a dream Fawn had, and something else, but right this second I don't even remember what it is! lol. :D

All for now :D

PS (NOT SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN UNDER 18) [https://secure.peta.org/site/Advocacy?cmd=display&page=UserAction&id=2711] This is what is happening in a circus, please send this to everyone you can so that maybe we can get it to stop.

Carrots the size of Your Forearm. (dA)

* Mood: Confused
* Listening to: Jenny Says - Cowboy Mouth
* Reading: The Invisible Ring
* Playing: Oblivion

So I have a job, sort of. I am in training at a place called Crosstown Cleaners and it is actually a Dry cleaners, Laundry Mat, Laundry Service, Delivery service and Korean Cafe. So my first day of training was on Sunday and I think I did fairly well.

I clean out the lint traps and I get to keep all the change I find! I made a whole 83 cents on Sunday! :D Also I peel and shred these fucking HUGE carrots. Like, literally the size of my forearm, except a little shorter. It was crazy.

Apparently they ONLY have these huge carrots in Korea. They don't have the normal sized carrots that we have here or baby carrots. The girl I was working with said its because they don't use carrots for Snacking. They just use them to cook. So they need a lot since one of their main dishes (Kim Bob) is mostly carrots. :shrug: Learning new things is fun.

Have some work today. 2 to 7. Luckily all the training is paid, so even if I don't get the job, I still get paid for my time. Nice huh?

Also I might be driving the delivery van, which makes me a little nervous, I've never driven a van like the one they have and I don't know exactly where I'm going, which is why I should be getting directions, but I don't know where to start! *sigh*

The book store I've been working at for the past 4 years is closing at the end of the month. I'm set to work the last day we are open. I am very sad about this actually. I don't know what I'll do with myself. But such is life. There are beginnings and endings and all of our endings are some sort of beginning.

And this weekend I am to going to see my godson and my friend Kendra. It is Corbin's second birthday and apparently he has the jump on the Terrible Twos. Poor Kendra. Poor me. :giggle: It should be fine.

Love to you all.
Sarai.

Passed (dA)

* Mood: Cheerful
* Listening to: emi hinouchi - kataomoi
* Reading: The Pillars of the World
* Playing: Dragon Age Origins

On Thursday I found out the results of my GED test. And I passed! :D

Language Arts/Reading - 800 out of 800 (Perfect score)!!

Other than that, the usual. Have a phone now, but no long distance. No internet, still using the library, but we're going to be okay. :D

The Moving and over 9,000 views (dA)

* Mood: Tense
* Listening to: Brand New Lover - Dead or Alive
* Reading: Love Letters of Great Women
* Watching: My world get turned upside down
* Playing: Dragon Age Origins

So, first off, I want to say thank you to everyone who has looked at my page so that my views have crested 9,000. ^^ It is greatly appreciated and expect some new stuff soon. ^^

Moving: SUCKS.

Just saying. lol. We got the washing machine, the dryer and almost all the dirty clothes moved out today. All the food is packed up, except what is in the fridge. I started cleaning out the bathroom, but it is a slow process since I can't get on my knees to scrub. But, its all good. I have a mop. Yep, A MOP. :D

I've been trying to throw stuff out that we no longer need. Like Fels Naptha Bar Laundry Soap. Yep, a BAR of laundry soap. That I've had, inexplicably, for 6 years.

Donnie and I might have a place to move, but I need to look into it a bit more. Its only a little way from where I crashed my car, across from the cemetery. That thought alone stops my heart in my chest and makes it do funny flips. It saddens me that a place that used to comfort me now provokes such anguish and terror inside of me.

It is a one bedroom house. Only $425 a month (Water and Sewage included). That isn't bad for a place in this town. They usually jack all the prices up so they can drain the College students.

I need to finish cleaning the bathroom, but I keep putting it off because I don't want to move. Well, I want to move, but not right back in with my mom. And I don't mind her new husband, but I don't know him that well. I mean, hell, Donnie knows him better than I do!

Anyway, I'm going to stop my bitchin' and get to work. We have to be out by tomorrow night

Love,
Sarai

Moving to the Sticks (dA)

* Mood: Tired
* Listening to: Playing with Fire - Paula Seling & Ovi
* Playing: Dragon Age Origins
* Drinking: Coca-Cola

So this week begins moving in with my mom and her new husband. Still have yet to find a job. But I applied at Target and Murphy's Oil Station today, so I'll give a call tomorrow. I'm also going to call Macy's and pester them until they give me a job.

I'm on a Eurovision kick right now. ^^

I burst the blood vessels in my face and eyes today. That was great fun. I was working for my Aunt Peggy (for the first time in a while) and I went to take my inhaler (because I'm asthmatic) and apparently there was something in it. So when I breathed in I inhaled whatever it was. I think it was a bug. XP

Anyway, I coughed (almost hacked up a lung or three) and gagged. I tried to throw up to get it out, but it wouldn't come (gross I know). In the end I chugged two bottles of water to get whatever it was to go down. My throat still hurts and it looks like I have blood freckles and like my eyes are bleeding. Luckily most of the burst vessels in my eyes are beneath my eyelids so I don't look demonic like I did this one time... But that is a story for another day.

Good News: I got to work for my Aunt Peggy today. I feel accomplished.

Bad News: I burst the blood vessels in my face and gave myself a stellar headache.

Good News: We visited with Donnie's Grandma.

Bad News: Donnie has been teasing me about my "polka dots" since he came to pick me up.

Good News: There was a gay guy at Barnes and Noble who totally went "rawr" with the hand motion and EVERYTHING! God that was fucking hysterical.

Bad News: I think I'm going to have to scrap my Cupcake idea. My Kitchen isn't state approved. This makes me sad faced :( See, sad faced!

Good News: I love Dragon Age Origins.

That is all.
Sarai

No Job. (dA)

* Mood: Rejected
* Drinking: Coca-Cola

I did not get hired for Macy's. Which sucks bollocks, but oh well. Back to the drawing board.

The Point

Is there a point to living? A point to being alive? I don't think there is.

I'm listening to 21 Guns by Green Day. Getting ready to go in for an interview. I want this job so bad. I need a job so bad. Since the depression of my last job has faded a little, I think I can survive.

What is the point of even writing this? No one reads my blogs anymore anyway.

Interview (dA)

* Mood: Insecure
* Listening to: How Do You Tell Someone - Cowboy Mouth
* Drinking: Coca-Cola

in a little less than 2 hours I have an interview at Macy's. I'm nervous and kind of procrastinating because of said nervousness. I need to get into the shower and get ready, but I want to listen to 21 Guns by Green Day.

Still wanting to do the cupcake business. I have to finish figuring out all the details for it first. I think I need permits and such things before I can do it.

Anyway, no new poetry right now. Which I find depressing. I seem to have lost my mojo, baby. lol. Couldn't resist that bit.

Also, I need to exercise... I didn't end up doing it last night because I was feeling really under the weather. But today I plan on remedying that. The goal is to be skinny by the time I get married. Sound good? I thought so.

All for now lovelies, feel free to watch old episodes of Sarai's Crazy Show on YouTube and to look over my old poetry.

Din Sarai