As if Death itself was Undone (dA)

* Mood: Distressed
* Listening to: Blinding - Florence and the Machine
* Reading: Thirst No. 3 - Christopher Pike
* Watching: my life change
* Eating: Banana Walnut Muffins
* Drinking: Coke

Hello beautiful dA family!

I have missed you all (equally and without holding back) and hope that you are all having a very happy holiday wherever you may be.

I've been working like a mad woman for the past couple of weeks. I've barely had time to breathe, let alone do some stuff on here. Plus all of my inspiration seems to have fled in the face of hideous reality.

I am depressed, I am angry, I am frightened and I am stressed to the limit.

And there is nothing I can do about it. Isn't that fun?

I know, I know. I should not worry about things I cannot change because I cannot change them. I can only stand back and allow them to happen because there is nothing I can do. But I hate feeling so fucking helpless all the time.

I keep feeling like I was chosen for something, like I am meant to be here (or there, depending). But everything around me spins out of my control and all I can do is clench my fists and bite my tongue and wish it would end.

Is there no justice? Is there no truth? Is there no true love?

I don't understand. Maybe I never will. Even though life is never fair, this seems far more unfair than is necessary.

And I keep waiting for divine revelation to drop into my lap from a God I no longer believe in and no other seems to care that I exist. Did they ever care to begin with?

So I listen to my music. I have been on a Katy Perry and a Florence and the Machine kick for the last couple weeks. I wish I had a Florence and the Machine cd (particularly "Lungs"), because I am addicted to "Blinding" and "Girl with One Eye"

Seems that I have been held, in some dreaming state
A tourist in the waking world, never quite awake
No kiss, no gentle word could wake me from this slumber
Until I realise that it was you who held me under

Felt it in my fists, in my feet, in the hollows of my eyelids
Shaking through my skull, through my spine and down through my
ribs

No more dreaming of the dead as if death itself was undone
No more calling like a crow for a boy, for a body in the garden
No more dreaming like a girl so in love, so in love
No more dreaming like a girl so in love, so in love
No more dreaming like a girl so in love with the wrong world

And I could hear the thunder and see the lightning crack
All around the world was waking, I never could go back
'Cause all the walls of dreaming, they were torn wide open
And finally it seemed that the spell was broken

And all my bones began to shake, my eyes flew open
And all my bones began to shake, my eyes flew open

No more dreaming of the dead as if death itself was undone
No more calling like a crow for a boy, for a body in the garden
No more dreaming like a girl so in love, so in love
No more dreaming like a girl so in love, so in love
No more dreaming like a girl so in love with the wrong world

Snow White's stitching up the circuit boards
Silence slipping through the hidden door
Snow White's Stitching up your circuit board

No more dreaming of the dead as if death itself was undone
No more calling like a crow for a boy, for a body in the garden
No more dreaming like a girl so in love, so in love
No more dreaming like a girl so in love, so in love
No more dreaming like a girl so in love with the wrong world

Snow White's stitching up the circuit boards
Silence slipping through the hidden door
Snow White's Stitching up your circuit board
Silence slipping through the hidden door