I need to grow some proverbial balls. (dA)

* Mood: Hostile
* Listening to: I hate you - 2PM (how ironic)
* Reading: Gone with the Wind - Margaret Mitchell
* Watching: Chunhyang
* Playing: Plants vs. Zombies
* Eating: Peanut Butter and Honey Sandwich
* Drinking: Milk

Dear _____,

Once I would've tried to move Heaven and Earth to keep this friendship going. Once I would've given my life to keep yours going. It is pretty sad that now I could care less if this friendship works or fails, I could care less about your pathetic problems.

Reasons, I should give reasons shouldn't I? Since you will demand to know what the fuck my problem is. So I'll give you reasons and You'll argue them, but in the end, you know I am right and I am glad that we had this fight so that I know who you really are.

I could've forgiven you the fight we had. I could've forgiven the harsh words you said, saying I never gave a fuck when in reality it was you who never gave a fuck about me. I could've forgiven you, it would've taken time, but I could've done it.

But the unforgivable thing was when I needed you most and you weren't there. You haven't even apologized for not being there. Let me fill you in, posting a blog 6 lines long announcing to the world that the person who probably meant the most to me died does not equal a personal message saying "I'm sorry for your loss". It can't equal a personal message or a hug or SOMETHING. It is kind of pathetic that my sorrow was all put into 6 short lines on a blog on MySpace. Oh, but I mustn't forget that there were 2 other short lines in a second blog all about you. Wow, 8 lines total. What a precious gift to me, how can I ever repay you?

And then when we finally do talk, you have the audacity to ask me what I've been up to. Hmm, let's think about this for just a moment. I just buried my grandfather and I'm so depressed I'm spending most of my time in bed with the blankets covering my head. And you want to know what I've been up to? Then you tell me that you did too send me condolences by writing the blog. I don't even know what to say to that.

If you had just lost your grandfather and I just ignored you for the entire time that you needed me and posted a blog about it that was 6 lines long you would be pretty pissed. You expect me to be there for you no matter what, you expect me to hold you when you cry, to be there no matter how small the drama. I can't do that anymore. I can't be there for you every five minutes when you can't be there for me at all.

And your excuse for not being there? "I am sorry that I was not there for you.. but like I told ___ I am not the best person to help you deal with that."

You are selfish, immature, childish and two-faced. I know it sounds really harsh, but I'm tired of the bullshit.

You claim to have grown up to fast, that you never had a childhood, but you act like a two year old all the time. I'm not going to say that I act like an adult all the time, because I don't, but even my own mother agrees that I have always acted older than my actual age. I didn't have a childhood and grew up to fast. Do you know what it is like to raise children? I do. I helped raise 4 of them. Do you know what it is like to have to take care of your mother because she is too sick to take care of you? I do. Do you know what it is like work your ass off doing little odd-jobs and then giving all of your money to your parents because what you make is just enough to pay a bill? I do. Have you ever paid a bill? I have.

Your mother pays for everything. You get new clothes and new bags and new shoes. Your mother pays the bills and feeds you. My step-father, as I got older, refused to purchase new clothes for us or new shoes. If we wanted some of the basic necessities we had to buy them ourselves. Did you know that my sophomore and junior year of high school I bought my school supplies with money I saved up from my birthday money? Have you ever had to do that? When you have done all of the things I have just listed then you will know what it is like to be an adult and can justly say that you are grown up.

You are childish because you never try to fix your own problems. Adults try to fix their problems not shove them on others and expect them to fix it. You lash out at the people that try to help you and cling to those who hurt you.

You are immature because you brag about how mature you are all the time. Maturity is not garnering praise for your maturity. You constantly cry to anyone who will listen, the world knows when you have a problem because all you do is complain about it. Maturity is leaning on a few friends who help you stand up when you feel weak, not falling to the floor and expecting everyone to lift you. Maturity is giving everything you have, even when you have little to give, and NOT expecting everyone to appreciate what you've done.

You are selfish because all you care about is you and your problems. You expect everyone to be there for you, but you aren't there when someone needs you. You expect everyone to listen to your pathetic problems, but you can't be bothered to listen to someone else's. You are so wrapped up in your own world that you don't have the time to see anyone else's problems but your own.

You are two-faced because you talk about your "best friend" behind her back ALL the time. Then you say that you two fight like a married couple. You don't even know what marriage is. You haven't even seen enough of your parent's marriage to know what marriage is! Your parents were divorced when you were really little. Donnie and I fight like a married couple. Because we are practically married as is. My friend Sarah W. and her husband fight like a married couple. You and _______ do NOT fight like a married couple. Married couples don't go behind their spouses backs and insinuate that they are prostitutes, or call them cunts, or blame them for car accidents, or treat each other like shit. That isn't how marriage works.

You don't know anything about life and you will never grow up.

In a way I'm glad that all of this has happened. The past two weeks have really shown me your true colors and made me realize just how tired of the bullshit I really am.

I do still love you. I think I love the memories of you more than anything. I just don't think I can work this friendship out with you. Not unless you suddenly grow up. Maybe getting knocked on your ass will help, I don't know. Please refrain from writing me about anything anymore, because if you can't be there for me, I'm afraid I can't be there for you.

Sincerely,
Sarai